Sex is supposed to be wonderful and fun but that isn't always the case. Why? As expected, the reasons are complex. From your brain to your genitals, there can be many reasons why sex can be painful, for both women and men.
Tune into this special episode of the Cuterus podcast, as Dr. Tanaya breaks down some of the most common reasons why sex can be painful.
Btw if you want to learn more about sex in a fun, safe, and easy to understand manner, check out Beducated. Beducated has a list of amazing, simple to understand, judgement-free, sex positive courses that help you understand your body better.
So head to https://beducate.me/pd2332-cuterus and use the coupon code 'Cuterus' to get a special discount!
[00:00:02] Did you know that at least 75% of women will experience painful sex at some point in their lifetime?
[00:00:11] That's kind of the point of this podcast.
[00:00:17] We want to make you think. Think about science, think about the world and most importantly, think about your body.
[00:00:26] Now sex is an intimate and fun act. You need to be comfortable for it to be pleasurable.
[00:00:33] Pain, during or after sex is a common reason why many people don't enjoy it.
[00:00:38] And contrary to common belief, men and women both could be affected by painful sex.
[00:00:45] But why does it hurt? There are hundreds and thousands of reasons why you could be suffering from painful sex.
[00:00:55] It could range everywhere from emotional concerns to even physiological problems.
[00:01:01] It could be an indication of a disease, it could be anxiety, it could be nervousness, it could be a pelvic floor issue.
[00:01:10] There are so many things that can make sex painful.
[00:01:14] Now painful sex can be of many different kinds.
[00:01:17] Some people describe it as burning, aching or throbbing.
[00:01:21] Some people automatically shut their legs close when thinking about sex
[00:01:26] and this pain can even last for several hours after sex.
[00:01:31] If you experience this, you should obviously see a doctor
[00:01:34] because there can be lots of conditions that might be causing this kind of pain.
[00:01:40] You can be having different infections like thrush which is basically a fungal infection
[00:01:46] or sometimes you can even have sexually transmitted infections.
[00:01:50] Now the thing that is important to remember about STIs is that most often they don't have symptoms.
[00:01:57] So if you are experiencing painful sex, please do see your doctor.
[00:02:03] But this infection problem aside, the most common cause for uncomfortable or painful sex is due to a lack of lubrication.
[00:02:12] Now it's not important that you need to be an old person
[00:02:15] or you need to be going through hormonal changes for you to have a lack of lubrication.
[00:02:19] Sometimes it happens just like that.
[00:02:22] Sometimes it is indicative of a hormonal change in your body
[00:02:25] and sometimes it gets aggravated during menopause.
[00:02:29] No matter who you are, lube is great and using sufficient lubrication makes sex better.
[00:02:35] How we say it is, the better the better.
[00:02:39] Sometimes irritating ingredients like perfumed soaps and washes could also lead to making sex painful.
[00:02:48] This is surface level pain. We call this inflammation of the vagina which is also known as vaginitis.
[00:02:56] If you are not experiencing vaginitis or a lack of lubrication but instead when having sex you feel like it's just not working.
[00:03:04] Some people automatically close their legs shut, some people say that it feels like they are hitting a wall,
[00:03:10] some people say that penetration absolutely cannot happen.
[00:03:13] This is a medical condition called vaginismus and what happens here is that the muscles in your pelvic floor
[00:03:20] that are the muscles that are surrounding your vaginal opening, they clamp shut.
[00:03:25] Think of it like a venous fly trap that is closing shut and this can make any kind of penetration painful or even impossible.
[00:03:34] Now there are so many other reasons that can cause painful sex but these are the more common ones.
[00:03:40] But like I said, this is not the problem of women.
[00:03:44] Even people with a penis can experience painful sex and there are lots of different conditions why that might happen.
[00:03:51] One of the more common things we get to see is something called phymosis.
[00:03:56] Now phymosis is a medical condition in which you can understand that the foreskin gets stuck on the penis.
[00:04:01] Basically you are unable to pull it back and when you do try to pull it back it hurts a lot.
[00:04:07] This can make erections and any sex significantly painful and there can be lots of reasons why phymosis is happening.
[00:04:15] One of the most bizarre reasons how phymosis happens is that if you don't clean your penis properly.
[00:04:22] Basically every day from your penis there are some things that do come out.
[00:04:26] For example regular pre-com so regular pre-ejaculation fluid, dead cells and debris and
[00:04:32] little dirty dust that can get collected there.
[00:04:37] So you do need to pull the foreskin back and clean this and also remember to pull the foreskin in the right place after you are done cleaning it.
[00:04:45] You can use simple soap and water to clean this otherwise this collection of this dirt and dead cells and oil and sebum
[00:04:53] and pre-ejaculation fluid together leads to something called smegma.
[00:04:58] And if this smegma doesn't clean it acts like a glue that sticks your foreskin onto your penis leading to phymosis.
[00:05:07] By the way there are many reasons to keep your genitals clean but this is a very important one.
[00:05:13] Aside from the foreskin getting stuck on the penis the penis can also have a very significant curve on it.
[00:05:19] Thodabad curvature is common but if there's a very significant bend in the penis due to any scar tissue this can cause very very painful erections.
[00:05:30] If there's a lot of bend then it also might be something called Peronis disease.
[00:05:35] Basically this made the penis instead of having a gentle natural curve to it can have almost like a right angle type curve to it
[00:05:43] which can obviously as you know cause a lot of pain.
[00:05:47] Chahi erection ho chahi sex ho.
[00:05:50] If you have a condition like this this as you can imagine can cause a lot of pain with erections or sex.
[00:05:58] Agar aapke penis mek taafi zyada curvature hai that you are concerned about or if you do experience any pain on erection or during sex
[00:06:07] then it's important to see your doctor.
[00:06:09] They can help diagnose and find out why this might be happening.
[00:06:13] But abhi ta kham ne srif penis aur vagina ki baat kari.
[00:06:17] But these are not the only reasons why sex might be painful.
[00:06:21] There are lots of structures surrounding your vagina and your penis that can make sex painful including having a very tight pelvic floor.
[00:06:30] Remember this is that hammock of muscles that the vagina and other sexual organs in male and female bodies that organs rest on.
[00:06:40] So let's try to understand what the pelvic floor is.
[00:06:43] If you think of your pelvis like a basket,
[00:06:46] to jise basket ka floor ho ta hai,
[00:06:48] waisse hameri pelvis ka floor is made up of a group of muscles which together are called the pelvic floor.
[00:06:53] There can be issues in the pelvic floor that can make sex very very painful.
[00:06:57] But on top of all of this there can be medical conditions that can lead to pain with sex.
[00:07:04] There are things like prostatitis which is inflammation of the prostate
[00:07:08] or endometriosis which is a very painful period condition
[00:07:12] and so many other causes that can physically make sex painful.
[00:07:17] Ye sab sunke lag raha ho gha that there is only genital issues that can cause pain with sex.
[00:07:23] But that's not the case.
[00:07:25] There are issues in the brain that can make sex very very painful.
[00:07:30] Sometimes very significant anxiety around sex can have physical repercussions that can make sex painful.
[00:07:37] Sometimes a history of sexual assault and trauma around the idea of sex
[00:07:42] can lead to actual physical pain in sex.
[00:07:45] And there are so many ways and so many things that can influence how sex feels for you.
[00:07:51] Even something like what kind of personal products you are using
[00:07:55] because sometimes allergies to these personal products like your vaginal wash or your penis wash
[00:08:00] can cause inflammation of the skin and lead to painful sex.
[00:08:04] Thoda overwhelming hai na itne saare reasons that can make sex painful.
[00:08:09] So I want to talk a little bit about resources that might be helpful for you if you are experiencing pain with sex.
[00:08:16] Now obviously if there is something that you think needs medical attention then please do see a doctor.
[00:08:22] But if you already have a diagnosis and are looking for resources to help make it better
[00:08:27] or if you just want to learn more about how to avoid pain with sex
[00:08:32] and how to make sex generally more fulfilling and pleasurable and fun
[00:08:35] then there's a wonderful resource that I have found that has been amazing for me to learn so much.
[00:08:41] As you know my work centers around sex and sexual health
[00:08:44] and these are things I really care about.
[00:08:48] I want people to be able to enjoy sex and to be able to have fun in it
[00:08:52] and to be able to enjoy shame free love for their bodies.
[00:08:57] And a wonderful website that I recently found is called Bejukated.
[00:09:02] Now Bejukated is a shame free non-judgmental resource
[00:09:06] that helps you learn about sex, pleasure, kinks, fun ways to make sex even more fun
[00:09:12] and so many other cool things surrounding sex and your body.
[00:09:17] There are courses on things like the stuff we talked about for example endometriosis or painful erections
[00:09:23] but very interesting things will be here.
[00:09:26] For example how to enjoy better intimacy or how to pleasure your partner better
[00:09:31] or even how to pleasure yourself better.
[00:09:34] You can check out the link in the show notes
[00:09:36] where now just go to your browser and type in BEDUCATED.com
[00:09:43] to find out some amazing courses that help you learn about sex, pleasure and your body better.
[00:09:49] Let's put a cherry on top of this cake.
[00:09:51] If you use my promo code CUTRIS which is C-U-T-E-R-U-S
[00:09:56] then you get the sex ed you wish you'd had
[00:09:59] which helps you enjoy sex more, build confidence and communicate better.
[00:10:05] Shame free educational, safe sex.
[00:10:08] So basically the thing is that sex should never be painful.
[00:10:13] There are lots and lots of conditions and situations that can make sex painful
[00:10:18] but remember you are not alone and you are not to blame.
[00:10:22] There are lots of professionals and lots of resources that can help you.
[00:10:27] That's it for today's episode.
[00:10:29] If you liked this episode please remember to follow us
[00:10:31] and if you are feeling very loved then please leave a small review.
[00:10:36] This helps more people find us and learn to love their bodies better.
[00:10:41] And before I say bye remember to check out BEDUCATED.com
[00:10:46] and use my coupon code CUTRIS.
[00:10:48] Thank you so much for listening and wishing you thousands of years of pain free sex.
[00:10:53] Bye!