Both his executive assistants (EAs) walked in, one carrying a steaming cup of coffee, the other a box of chocolate cake.
What happens next? Tune in to Raghav's Take!
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[00:00:00] Rise Above the Din, Unbox the News With Me, Raghav Behal As the fresh breeze greeted the strapping 40-year-old entrepreneur in his corner office in a gift city high-rise, he recalled his early Manhattan days. In India, he never took a Silicon Valley
[00:00:15] title of founder-CEO. Instead, he was simply Puff, a dandy acronym for Pradhan Foreman of a billion-dollar unicorn. Puff! We've got this silly notice from the GST National Anti-Profittering Authority. They have slapped a fine of 100 crore, possibly issued a warrant for our arrest under Section
[00:00:35] 69, read with Section 132. They could be coming any time. Let's get out! What? You know, we've given them such a transparent break up of our costs. But they have some peculiar objections. They say you play golf every day so only
[00:00:53] half of your costs can be charged to the brand. Then they are disallowing the hedging cost of our external commercial borrowing. Only that coupon can be charged to the cost sheet. They have deducted the rent allocated to the corridors and toilets. They say these
[00:01:07] facilities are not directly used for the brand. They have read in some gossip column that you are dating at, so they are treating it as a personal expense. Please don't mind but they are categorizing her celebrity endorsement fees of $1 million per annum
[00:01:21] cost as escort fees. So according to them the per unit cost should be Rs 75 while we are selling at Rs 78 and therefore profiting. Do you know that your parliament has just passed a new consumer production bill and now we'll be fining 1 million rupees for
[00:01:46] saying that I start my day with your crappy orange mix? And if I say it one more time, they call it repeat offence, I can be jailed for 5 years. 5 years! I am filing a criminal suit against you for misleading me and I am going back to Poland.
[00:02:10] Jail, jail for celebrities to endorse products, gosh! I urge you Mr. Speaker sir, throw them behind bars! Sirji, you remember the CSR donation we had given to slump schools run by a cathedral society? Yeah? They have rejected it saying it's minority appeasement and not charity. Sir they told
[00:02:38] me they will charge you under UAPA, Unlawful Activities Prevention Act unless you cough up another 2% of your profit to the local MLA's Shishu Bhojnal, that is Child Nutrition Kendra. What? Hey listen, we can't put another 2% of our profits in, you know,
[00:02:58] come on this is just one more extortion Kendra. Think it over Puffji, these donations are not voluntary anymore, if you fail to pay, you go to the cooler for 3 years, Puff, have you seen the SEBI mail? They are charging you with insider trading.
[00:03:17] What? Come out, how can they? Now what have I done this time? Well as an independent director of No Bank you chaired the audit committee which announced extraordinary provisions of Rs. 5,420 crore, right? And the stock
[00:03:30] danged, right? So, I mean, you know these guys were trying to hide that what can I say that they are in fudge numbers but I brass out of flung it at the ceiling and I told shareholders about it.
[00:03:42] Yes, but the stock danged and do you remember the million dollar angel investment you made in those Voughton Boys online mutual funds AMC? Now SEBI is joining the dots and they are saying you tipped off the boys
[00:03:54] and they shot sold the shares so you could go to jail on insider trading charges. But this is ridiculous, I mean, you know, I don't run the Voughton Boys AMC, I'm not even on the board, I own up a mere 2% now.
[00:04:09] How can I be held accountable for their decisions? Puff, do you remember that angel investment you made in the Voughton Boys AMC? What now? Them again? What have they done now? They've done nothing but the tax guys are saying that you bought their
[00:04:21] 10 rupees share for 100 rupees. Of course I did because I was sure that those boys would build a truly innovative company and I was right. The guys here are charging you with money laundering, they filed a criminal prosecution complaint and we must take anticipatory bail immediately.
[00:04:43] Oh, ho, ho, ho. NRI Lamborghini, huh? I am booking you under the new Motor Vehicles Act for dangerous driving. Alright, so now tell me just how much is fine? No more fine, sir. Under the new law, I can put you in jail. Ah, no!
[00:05:02] Our friend from Bangalore, the guy who founded this chain of beverage stores has committed suicide. The funeral is tomorrow morning. I just don't get it. How can this even happen? I mean, this guy was so full of life. Can you book two early morning tickets to Bangalore please?
[00:05:33] Perfect, I can book but it's a Boeing 737 MAX. Listen, just book it. I mean, who the hell cares now where this plane lands? Thanks for listening. Tune in next week for another episode of Raghav's Tick.