Father's Day Special - Harpreet Singh Grover (The Curious Parent)

[00:00:00] Look, all of these traditions including birthday, father's day are western constructs given to us. Correct. You know, I asked Dad, when is his birthday? It happens on the first of January. So, all of these are western constructs.

[00:00:16] We have adopted them the same way our children are more happy celebrating Christmas over Diwali. Yeah. So, now we have adopted them, you know, it gives us nice traffic on Father's Day. I am saying we are happy to celebrate it, no problem at all. Yeah.

[00:00:27] So, you know on Parents Day, I think it's a great idea, absolutely. I mean, we will start this in India from parents day. Yeah. And the reason India is authority to start it because in India everybody is a parent. Like, Harpreet is a parent.

[00:00:40] After all, it is for the kids and for the advice. You know? So, I am saying India has the strong hold on parents day man. We need to have a parents day, absolutely. Pops in a pod Pops in a pod Hey everyone, welcome to Pops in a pod.

[00:01:06] I am Peter Pops. And I am Nadu Pops. Nadu, today is a very special episode and for all our listeners if you have already read the title, it's our Father's Day special episode. So, happy Father's Day to all the dads tuned in.

[00:01:18] This is one episode in a year that we are always looking forward to because it helps us in our quest to look for a very, very cool interesting dad. And just like every year we found this dad who's, at least we've been following for a while

[00:01:37] and we finally managed to get him on the podcast to talk about fatherhood, his parenting journey and just kids in general. Yeah. It's quite cool that we got Harpreet to talk to us and he's also doing a podcast called the Curious Parent.

[00:01:55] So, we leave the links in the show notes. But we had quite an extensive chat with him. So, I think Nadu let's jump straight into the episode. Yes, absolutely. It is our conversation with Harpreet Singh Grover, another dad podcaster, another dad content creator

[00:02:13] and his brand is called the Curious Parent. Here's our conversation with Harpreet. Harpreet, hi. Welcome to Pops in a pod. I must say that it's an absolute honor to have another dad who's a podcaster and who's been doing it consistently because we've been here for podcast.

[00:02:32] So, yeah, welcome to Pops in a pod, one podcaster to the other. Thank you so much. I'm very, very happy to be here. I must say right, I mean like when anyone now in the future tells me that why are there no dad podcasts?

[00:02:46] I'm like, hey, have you heard Harpreet's podcast? Absolutely. I'm very, very happy to be here. Thank you guys for having me. So, Harpreet, we've done your introduction. Not sure if you've done enough justice to that.

[00:02:58] So, we would first want you to help us understand who are you professionally, personally and what made you get interested in the parenting space as far as parenting content from a dad perspective is concerned. So, Harpreet, the space is all yours. Thank you, Air.

[00:03:16] So, that's a broad question. I'll try to answer that. So, I'm otherwise known as the curious parent, you know, and that is interesting because I have always been interested in why people do what they do. You know, in some ways or the other, I am always having discussion.

[00:03:32] I say, yeah, I can watch you from talking to the watchman to talking to a CEO. There has always been a question in my mind that why people are the way they are and why they make the right choices that they make.

[00:03:43] You know, why can some people not sleep without the punk-hub being fully on? Right? Or why will some person choose to remain in it and the other person will go abroad? Same decision, very similar ones, but people make different choices. It's always been on my head.

[00:03:57] And I earlier used to run a company called Co-Cubes. So, I graduated from ID Bombay. That was the year 2005. Two years of job, management consulting. I went for a bold and went for data analytics. I didn't have to do coding.

[00:04:12] So, I left that retention bonus for two years. So, and I started my own company with my roommate, Vibhore, the company called Co-Cubes. The name came from the first two letters of three words connecting colleges and companies. So, CO cross, CO cross, CO cross was CO cubes.

[00:04:29] And what we wanted to do was bring all colleges across India online on a single platform. The interesting part is, ten years after running it, why did we want to sell?

[00:04:42] And one of the big reasons in my head was that spending time with graduates is a waste of time. Right? They didn't have any use of spending time with them. They are like an arrow shot from a bow.

[00:04:54] You have to do 10th, 12th, college, get a job, get married, get kids. If you are not happy, then you can think about it.

[00:05:05] So, they are like an arrow shot from a bow and you can make a lot of money between the age of 20 to 40 from a person. But I felt like you can't add value.

[00:05:16] So, we were measuring these graduates and we were putting them in different buckets that you are suitable for this company and that company. But that is all we could do. If a graduate did not know a skill, you try to teach them that skill.

[00:05:28] They are unwilling to learn, they are unwilling to work hard. And I was always surprised by your job question. Why aren't you doing it? And that got to me. I said, boss, you can't work with these guys.

[00:05:40] And the more I researched, the more I found that the key lay in early childhood. What we do in the first 6 to 8 years of our life generally matters. And we sold the company to Aeon Hewitt 12 years after running it. Around that time, my daughter was about 2 years old.

[00:06:02] So it all kind of coincided. I started researching more around early childhood and here I am. I said, boss, this really makes sense. It gives me a lot of answers of why people do what they do.

[00:06:17] And there seems to be a topic that is close to my heart. What also happened during this time is that after selling a company, people were like when will you start the next company? These questions started coming. And I said, I don't want to do it.

[00:06:31] Like my partner, Ribhor, the day we quit Aeon, next day he raised $10 million and he is on his way to building his next run of the company called One Bank. So he is doing that. And I said boss, I don't want to do it.

[00:06:43] I want to take a break. And I take a break and my mom is calling me. That why don't you do something in life? So I wrote a book. It's called Let's Build a Company. Penguin Publish did well. Then my mom is again calling me.

[00:06:54] Why don't you do something in life? So I'm like, dude, what should I do? And I decided I will... Actually I was having a conversation with my coach called TVG Krishnamurthy. A very wise 77 year old guy.

[00:07:06] And my mom had got to me and she was saying, do something. And I had put on these ideas on paper. And I said, TVG, which one should I choose? How should I choose? You know, these are interesting areas I like.

[00:07:17] And he said, her pretty, he said, yes TVG. He said, her pretty, you are not the kind of guy who wants to buy a yacht. I said, yes TVG. He said, then you have some money, you have time. Why do you want to do anything? Why do anything?

[00:07:32] And I thought that was a brilliant question. You know, I thought that question was brilliant. I called my mom. I said, I'm not going to do anything. You know, she wasn't happy about it.

[00:07:40] But I did that and the next one and a half years actually didn't do anything. So, at the end of one and a half years, I felt like joy was drifting away from my life. Okay? Like, Khushi nikal jati hai na, it seeps out.

[00:07:55] And you realize that, boss, effort is important in life. Kisi bhi ek direction mein. Yono, bachhe baya da hota hai chalna khut se seekhne hai. Bol na khut se seekhne hai. Bol tte nahi hai. Badal tum bol.

[00:08:05] Tum usko bol o, tum mad bol o, tum hor bhi bolega. Tum bol o, mad chalo, hor bhi chalega. So, effort is ingrained in us. You have to put some effort in some direction.

[00:08:13] So, in the one and a half years, I was reading books around, you know, childhood psychology, ABCD, Maria Montessori, Waldorf. I was reading all that. As it was, I love doing this. I want to do something in this space.

[00:08:22] That's how I ended up doing The Curious Parent, you know, which is now an Instagram channel and a podcast. And I think that's the reason you got me here, man. First of all, thanks for giving us like that brief history, right?

[00:08:35] Because I was also wondering, like, where does this curious parent thing come from? But I think we've gone, like, all the way to the very origins of your curiosity. But don't worry.

[00:08:46] I think we'll conclude with that statement because I definitely want to touch a bit more on The Curious Parenting. But I mean, like, one thing I want to understand from you, and I think this is something where both Nadir and I have spoken a lot, right?

[00:09:02] Is like you rightly said, a lot of it is linked to early childhood, right? And more and more studies are coming out. More and more things are coming out in your brief journey that you've been doing both the podcast and the research and things like that.

[00:09:19] What's like a couple of things that have really surprised you where you're like, and especially like from an Indian context, right? Because let's be honest, when we look at research with it comes to dads, there's very little research

[00:09:33] and we did an episode on this in the past on why this doesn't happen. But from an Indian context also, what's a couple of things that you've come across that have really like

[00:09:44] literally made you go like, hmm, I never thought of this or I never imagined this would be something. So, you know, I can think of three things from two, three perspectives, two perspectives.

[00:09:57] I'm thinking one is a perspective of research, you know, you search something say, wow, dude, I didn't know this. And the other is you look at society and you see, oh dude, what is happening? So like one from the angle of research I can take an easy one.

[00:10:11] Actually let me take two. One is why do children reverse letters? You know, you write a B to D, write a B to D, write a P to Q and you're like, sit down and fix it, write it again and again.

[00:10:20] P, P, P, you know, or make a P on a paper, make a Q, make it, circle it because after your attention, the kid is crazy, you know, that is our context, right?

[00:10:30] But why do kids do that? You know, the reason kids do that is because our brain has no place for reading and writing. Has no place for reading and writing when a child is born. There is no place for reading and writing in our brain.

[00:10:46] The reason for this is reading and writing is only 5400 years old. It originated in Sumer. Our brain is 2 million years old. Always we have had a big part for object identification, right?

[00:10:59] If a child is in the jungle, he came from here, he can see the lion, he can hide the child. If he comes here by turning around, he should see the lion, he shouldn't become a cow. But if you reverse B it becomes a D.

[00:11:12] So our brains have a place for object identification through repeatedly looking at letters. Our brain modifies a part of that to make an area called VWFA, visual word form area, which is then used to identify alphabets.

[00:11:31] And by the age of 7 and 8 it gets fully developed and after that children don't reverse letters. So if you want to do it, you can do it, but it will get better in 8 years.

[00:11:40] Not about tension. You know, but this was one thing around research that I found very surprising. Another thing around research that I found surprising was 90% kids in Southeast Asian countries are getting classes. In Hong Kong, 9 out of 10 adults, less than the age of 18 have classes.

[00:11:59] This is obvious, if you look at the screen now it will look like a classroom, but that is not the reason. The reason for this is not only the smartphone, the reason is the world is coming nearer to our children.

[00:12:11] We have shifted from homes to apartments, we have shifted from kothis to apartments. We go out, smartphone is near us and education also started. So the world has come nearer so our eyes don't focus far.

[00:12:27] And you know when we look at the sea, there is a calmness coming from far away. That calmness is not something in the sea, it's not something in the sea. Our eyes are the busiest muscle in the body. When we look far they relax.

[00:12:41] That is how you feel that sakhun. But our child is not able to feel that sakhun. His eyes are near and then the eye keeps getting elongated, doesn't relax and at the age of 5, 6, 7, 8, 10 whatever they are developing myopia, young adults 9 out of 10 are getting there.

[00:12:57] In India 3 out of 10 will be there but it will reach there. If you look at young Buddhist monks, they will have glasses because they are reading scriptures. So education is not always good, early education is not good.

[00:13:09] So these were things around research Peter which were interesting to me. Then if you look at society, two things shocked me. One was girls as young as 7 year old are getting periods. Now that you have a daughter, I have a daughter, my daughter is 7 and half years old.

[00:13:27] And I found this out about 2 months ago that someone in the school in the building is undergoing hormonal therapy at age of 7. Why is this happening? And I am still researching it out. But the big cause seems to be sugar.

[00:13:41] I won't get into the scientific details of it but sugar in multiple process forms. Up kuru kure khalo, kuru kure has in some ways processed thing which gets absorbed very readily by the body and shoots up your blood glucose.

[00:13:54] And it just generates certain things which get the period early. Another thing people say is because milk may oxidise and I am saying that growth hormones are being injected in cows and they are coming to you.

[00:14:04] The third is lack of outdoor exercise. All of these kind of have contributed to get us to the space and it shouldn't be happening. And these periods are more painful and nobody is talking about it.

[00:14:15] I put a post on a nice light post, it will get 2000, you know like 1 lakh less than 2000 likes. I am putting a post on periods. I am saying 200 likes, 10,000 views and I am like why is nobody talking about it? It is happening in every house.

[00:14:30] So that was interesting. The other interesting piece which I found is and this is, by the way is one reason that I believe what you are doing is so critical.

[00:14:43] And what I also am doing is critical because the other thing that is happening is that do you know how children develop love and empathy? Do you know the science behind it? No. What is it?

[00:15:01] So you know when a child is crying, a young child 8 months old crying and a parent appears, the child's brain 2 neural networks intersect and they form an association.

[00:15:18] These 2 neural networks are the feeling of pleasure which the child feels when he is picked up and the sight of the human. And these two when they intersect is when a child learns to love, when a child learns to feel emotion, child learns empathy.

[00:15:38] This is how empathy is learned. So they say empathy cannot teach the child. It can show. But you can't teach. You know when a child doesn't share toy, you say share it, share it, share it, it doesn't work like that.

[00:15:55] Every father, every mother knows that and we still do it but I am saying it doesn't work like that.

[00:15:59] The reason, so when we grow up to love humans or spend time in human company it is because when we were young our brains formed association of associating human touch and sight with pleasure. That is the scientific crux behind it.

[00:16:16] Now what is happening is a young child has done a potty, he wants to clean it. He is doing it with a long time and he shows it to the child. Now the child sees the mobile so that he doesn't move, the child is quiet.

[00:16:29] Now as much as you clean the potty, there is no tension. You know the child is crying rather than sleeping in. Now show the phone, I am saying top ho jaayega. A phone is top ho jaayega.

[00:16:37] So what is happening is because of increasing time on mobile which is resulting in less time with humans. Which is the crux, not increasing time with mobile. That has a different connotation, different problem but less time with humans our children are more anxious.

[00:16:54] And the reason this is important is if I tell another and Peter and other, Peter you understand what I am saying? You will say yes I understand because your parents have given you this. Because when you were born there were no bloody smartphones.

[00:17:06] But if these kids are raised on smartphones, if somebody like Harpreet tries telling them 20 years ago they won't even understand. Because under hei nahi hai nahi hai. And this I think is the second thing where I believe that there is a, the children are starving for touch.

[00:17:25] And starving for human touch, human contact and we see this in multiple deviations and you know this is another thing that I was shocked by. Like I did not imagine it to be in these proportions as I see it.

[00:17:38] And this you know it comes across in different forms. My child is anxious, my child is crying, my child wants me more. It comes across in various factors but the crux is generally this.

[00:17:49] You know Harpreet I definitely want to take you on that point that you just said there is so much information.

[00:17:55] Like here you are, you're doing independent research not because you educated yourself in a certain field and that's why that's your inclination to anyone who has a system in front of them either a small phone or a laptop can do any kind of research.

[00:18:11] And I'm talking specifically to parenting here. There's so much information out there. Do you feel that this information and the way our society has changed, fathers have also evolved and are more and more involved?

[00:18:25] I'm not really getting into your you know the rural and the Bharat side of things. At least I can look at urban and I feel that yes there are so many fathers who are now getting more and more involved who are very clearly saying,

[00:18:37] ki aare saare paat bil ith se abe de kaam ban karo bacha hai help out you know equal parenting all of that.

[00:18:42] Do you feel with this new generation, this whole millennials are trying to be more and more involved because of so much information out there because of the fact that both spouses are working together

[00:18:54] and they should come together and raise a child not just make the child abe mamika responsibility hai, fathers aare baar kaam karega. Have you noticed anything because you've done so much research in this particular topic? Yeah, I genuinely think fathers are more involved than before.

[00:19:13] Now is it because of our, I'm a stay at home father, is it because of our good hearted nature? Ye aam ari majboori yey a mojhe pata nahi. Are we more involved because we are now like idiots having one kid and living in nuclear families?

[00:19:26] So you know there is no option. Earlier joint family thi bacha badao aaya tha tha kut kut kar kar kare. You pay attention not pay attention, kid will go out.

[00:19:35] Now I'm saying if you don't pay attention and you have a nuclear family and your apartment doors are shut and we don't know our neighbors too well, like what will you do? You'll have to get involved and your wife wants to work also. And that is great, absolutely.

[00:19:47] You know women should go and work. I'm absolutely 100% for equality but at the same time somebody has to take care of the kid. You know one of the biggest lies in this entire world is The parents give us that kids grow up.

[00:20:03] Do it man, kids will grow up. You know this is the biggest lie of the world. Kids don't grow up. If you are saying this means you didn't get it. You went to office and my mother got it.

[00:20:13] Even if your mother was saying this then you didn't get it. My grandmothers didn't get it. Kids don't grow up. You know you have to do something. And that realization I think people, parents should have before they have kids.

[00:20:26] A father and a mother both should have before they are busy. I am becoming to the view that busy parents shouldn't have kids. You know don't do it. You drink wine, roam around, do as you like. What's the problem in life? You know have fun.

[00:20:38] But if you want to have kids then please assume that one of you will have to take a step back from Karee. Whoever it is you decide. But one of you has to you know spend more time with the kid.

[00:20:49] And if you are actually very busy you can't do that then have two kids. So that you can meet someone close to you. You can have one after the other. If you meet someone close to you, maybe God will be kind to you and give you twins.

[00:21:02] But if God is not kind then be sensible. Have two kids. Don't have one. So that is what I think. Yeah and actually just to add to Nathir's point right because like my son has been in school for the last couple of years.

[00:21:14] Like formal education and stuff before it was just nursery. How old is your son? So my son actually is 6. Okay. And one of the things I remember this was one of Nathir's in mind early discussions in the podcast right.

[00:21:29] Was just the number of dads that are involved or the number of dads that show up right. But now that I'm seeing it's not just like you know earlier you had dads who were just like a one parent show up for you know your parent teacher meetings.

[00:21:44] That's how I remember it as a kid. Yeah yeah yeah. Like a sports day, I had one parent and dad and all of that. Now you're seeing both parents show up for all meetings.

[00:21:54] Both parents on WhatsApp groups because I was like it's impossible that my son's class has so many people and then I'm like but wait it's both parents. That's where you're seeing more dads involved and it's nice right because it's not like your traditional roles like you're saying.

[00:22:12] Typically even I remember this as a child and I think both of you can kind of agree that you'd have the dads drop off and the moms do the pickup or like someone else do the pickup right.

[00:22:22] Now I'm seeing like in the middle of the day dad showing up when I'm showing up right and I'm like wow so like people are shifting that mindset that you know that what was earlier in India traditional roles and only as possibility of the mother is no longer.

[00:22:37] So I think that's something that I've seen more evidence for at least in the last year or two.

[00:22:44] But one more thing I wanted to understand right and I think this comes back to what you said also right about how early childhood in there I mean for some context I did an episode on the podcast last year with my dad and that showed up as my Instagram memories which it was nice to kind of have a chat with him

[00:23:05] and realize what it was like to bring me up in the early 90s late 80s and stuff like that and just being an involved parent.

[00:23:15] What was that something you saw yourself because or is it something that you had to kind of do a 180 on how did your dad have an impact on your journey as being a dad.

[00:23:29] That's a good question and it brings up fond memories and I'm trying to see my father ever hit me and I can never be able to remember man. So it only brings up fond memories actually.

[00:23:47] I know he once tried to hit my sister who was three years younger then she fainted and after that my dad decided he don't know which to marry like me.

[00:23:53] You know it's weird when we are laughing about this because we know what it's like to be beaten up as skin but in today's world even talking about is like oh my God how dare you speak about that.

[00:24:06] Hey, we know what it's like to grow of it parents who have beaten you up right. I know my wife is a Maharashtrian and I am sometimes saying that I'm going to call my daughter in-laws, I will get beaten up.

[00:24:17] Yeah, I think he was on dating when I was little. Like you're saying that right? And I'm sure in Marathi there's a very similar thing and I can't believe we're laughing about it but I think that's the only way three of us can kind of

[00:24:33] deal with this is in Konkini where my mom's family is really from. There's a saying which later I discovered is a literal translation for oil your back before you get beaten and I'm like

[00:24:48] there's an actual phrase for it like wow so it's similar to the Marathi thing you were talking about. Dude our father generation and I'm saying this is you know father's day our generation is very very unique. We were kids, we used to be friends with our parents' friends.

[00:25:11] Right? We have gone from both the idea. This is a unique generation man but you know the question you asked me was about my father and one of the things for example I remember there's something that you don't care about then of how big a deal it is.

[00:25:31] Like my father got promoted and to accept his promotion we used to, we lived in Patiala, I grew up in Patiala, small town and to accept the my father was in the bank in Punjab and

[00:25:43] to accept that promotion a bank manager promotion was transferred and I was in 10th, 11th class and my father declined the promotion because he did not want to uproot and created disturbance because now I'm saying at that point you know you don't really understand this bit that how

[00:26:05] big a deal it is but as you grow older you realize what your father prioritized that a father prioritized you over his work, your father prioritized you know family over work and I think that

[00:26:20] seeps into you one way or the other you know maybe that is contributing to me deciding to say that I am a work from home father and I am going to spend more time with my daughter

[00:26:31] all these threads contribute the another thing I remember is from my time when I was in 8th class and you know I always had this doubt whether God exists or not you know my mom would take me to

[00:26:50] the Guzwara and I would take her because I used to get a scooter, Guzwara was half a kilometer away you know I would try the scooter I'll take her but I always like this the marvel said do this do

[00:27:01] this do this I had this doubt and then I heard my father said to somebody doesn't believe in God and now suddenly this pressure releases from your body you know dude my father believes in

[00:27:14] the same thing that I do I am not an idiot either we are both equal or you know we are both very very smart so I remember some of these my father being a forward-looking person

[00:27:26] like he was not one where he was like gripped by society and things have to be done in this way he had an open mindset and you know I was always an introvert and people don't believe this when

[00:27:42] I tell them this that till college I had only two friends in my entire college life and the what my father used to do was my father will come home at 5 o'clock from 5.15 you know

[00:27:56] branch ban kia or he comes home and he'll say get out of the house the kid of the house do anything but sadh bhaiye se pehle mujhe apne shagal mandegaanato maybe he'll play 15 minutes baton ball with me and then tell me yeah I think that's what used to

[00:28:09] happen otherwise seems very harsh man yeah but he will tell me at 5 30 maybe okay now we have played now you go out of the house I don't want you sitting in the house and I credit that to

[00:28:19] me being outdoorsy and that time I used to feel bad kyaa mere matapita ghar si jaane kya se bol sathe hai yaar you know how can they do that you know I remember that feeling but I genuinely think it

[00:28:32] was the right thing to do he said it with love he did not mean it you know tumki tumki kyaise main bhaane baite ko boza fadki padon gayaan she knows I don't mean it you know I she knows

[00:28:42] I'm saying it with love my father will tell me get out of the house with love and though I will feel it patani kya nikal rahe hain but now 20 years 20 30 years down the line I can see how

[00:28:51] much sense it made that we have to go outdoors we can't be stuck in our house reading books looking at mobile seeing TV we have to go outdoors we have to interact with people it is so important

[00:29:01] you know these are some of my own childhood memories which I'm very grateful about you know to my father to my family you know which has made me who I am and do you also feel that

[00:29:15] because you speak so fondly about your dad and you know the kind of impact that he's had on you and I that's one thing that I do with my daughter today which is and it's it's very uh it just

[00:29:29] comes naturally right that you come home from office and you see her at home and I like why aren't you playing down like sunset sadhu bhajiyoth why don't you go and play like oh papa everyone

[00:29:39] is going for chutti so there's nobody to play with so you know at that point you you get it but that's something that I also sort of picked up from my mother because my mother used to do that

[00:29:50] that stopped you know sitting in the home TV puradan dekte rata bhajya ke ke bachho ke saath tolata what are the couple of things that you picked from your dad in terms of you know

[00:30:01] when it comes to parenting method and you are applying it today because you think the value in it still exists even today yeah I think the biggest thing that I believe I have picked up from

[00:30:15] my father and I'm reflecting on it as I speak you know as you asked me this question I had actually not thought about this question before is to be firm with love to put across a point of view

[00:30:29] without the other person feeling ke wo beha koof hai ya usko pata nahi you know and it is very easy to do this to a child because we can believe that we have so much experience

[00:30:47] you know it is so easy to talk to a child from the point of view of superiority both moral and knowledge that it's not funny we don't even realize it you know

[00:31:01] what is your name you know I'm thinking can you imagine Nathar you are standing on the road I come to you say hey what is your name you can't I can't do that I'll go to Nathar I'll say hi I am

[00:31:09] Harpreet you know I want to talk to you what is your name after that right first I will tell my name but bachhar ekta toh kya pushne what is your name you know it is a very small example where

[00:31:20] knowingly unknowingly we do genuinely put the child down and I think one thing I learned from my father was how to put across a point of view which is different from the other person

[00:31:32] without offending the other person and that I think makes all the difference when you're talking to a child you know I remember I was preparing for IIT and final JEEK A exam anewaala tha and I had

[00:31:50] a girlfriend you know and I broke up and I was unable to study remember JEEK A exam anewaala final exam I had been teaching for 2 years but now suddenly I can't concentrate and I remember you

[00:32:03] know our house in Patiala had a small garden behind and I'm walk I said to father one day upon you know no no after dinner ke baat mujhe aapse baat karne he said okay chalo bahar toh hum gai

[00:32:13] and I'm walking and I told him about this you know this is happened I'm unable to study and I realized that to be able to say that to your father to be able to talk to it

[00:32:30] and he listening to you and giving you advice which helped me go back and you know do my studies again and get into IIT you know that is the father that I would want to be a father a child can speak to

[00:32:44] without being afraid you know this I remember when I told him this I when I told him this that you are I this is happening you know this girl broke up with me he said he told me a share

[00:33:08] hall mera parisha nahi bas aankh you he nam hae aur koi baat nahi gum ki raha me koi saath nahi ish chahir me varna meri kisse mula kaat nahi chaand chaand bichri dharti se mila hai sadiye ke baad chaand bichri dharti se mila hai

[00:33:28] sadiye ke baad wo bhi mil jayenge par abhi halat nahi wow wow you know I remember hearing this and I said yeah charo baad me dekhlengi ladki baad me mil jayenge baad nahi bhi parahi kar leh

[00:33:38] this world layer you know you're talking about parahi and you've been a part of a premier institute of India and and you build a company helping that you as you mentioned so you clearly know your way

[00:33:53] around when it comes to education there is this massive you know brain brain happening again more or less sub Canada jaar hai people PR kulti hai yaan you know bachhe ke future ke liye and everything

[00:34:08] what is your opinion of it considering all our kids of the same age six seven six seven right I'm sure we are all planning something or the other right there is one faction in in a certain

[00:34:20] section that says yeah future is in India India is the one that's growing your you know financial papers are saying the same thing but then there's the other faction singing here India

[00:34:32] bha jaa kya parahi let's let's start making our money and you know preparing our minds for our kids to go outside India that's why we should probably make money and save money what is your opinion on this

[00:34:45] you know kovid mein hawa itni saab ho gai thi jalandhar se toronto dik rata you know so you're right Punjab to khali ho rahi you know everybody's going to Canada I'll tell you a perspective

[00:34:56] that a mother told me recently and she said that I don't have enough money to send my child abroad I don't really care about sending my child abroad but she's an international school she will meet her

[00:35:09] you meet her peers and I don't want her to feel left out so when she was in seventh class I told her look your friends are going to go abroad I don't want to send you abroad I believe India

[00:35:19] has got our education I don't want to spend that much money I just want to tell you and you can say she hammered her in you can say she had a discussion but I know that when the time came

[00:35:29] there was no conflict between the parent and the child because the parent has been wise and has taken time to decide rather than the child coming and saying rahe sab jaare m ujhe bhi jaan hai ap m jaye bhi

[00:35:41] bejo you know I also want to do this I'm just sharing that as a contrarian view to what a parent did and a wise thing that they did by talking to the child early now if you ask me I do I do

[00:35:56] want to believe the papers I do want to believe that India's time has come I do think there's a lot of value of being in India a friend of mine who lives in a building very close friend of

[00:36:07] an rug he's he's a UK citizen he has spent a lot of time in UK 10 years of his life and he you know what he says to me he says to me herpe I think India is going the UK way and he says

[00:36:22] in UK every child 22 25 year old has a therapist okay and India will go the same way I can see that happening you know everybody wants to live separately from their family everybody wants to

[00:36:35] with access to mobile we are going in that direction I wish there was a way to stop that the reason I'm saying this is I don't think abroad is all hunky dory

[00:36:47] it feels like it but I think there are too many stories otherwise also I think exposure is important you know can we go to a small course there can we send a child for that maybe we can

[00:36:59] they can learn a lot but I think India is very vast a lot of things to be done and with internet technology you can do anything you want from anywhere in the world so I think it's time

[00:37:09] when people are coming back I have no illusions of saying I want to send my daughter abroad to do this if she wants to go we'll see if there is a reason for her to go if she wants to do

[00:37:20] something where generally the best person in the world which he can learn from resides there well maybe we'll go otherwise India is I think you know great to do whatever you want to

[00:37:30] ask me going to US cares me man how can you send your child to school in the morning thinking there'll be a you know a shootout like I can't imagine that I just can't imagine that yeah absolutely heartbreaking right just like seeing all those images and everything

[00:37:47] and the fact that nothing changes that is I think even more infunerating nothing and you know like okay no no things change Peter things change now we're going to ensure every teacher has done well they will have and also those panic rooms in

[00:38:01] the classes right did you see that that is like right so I'm saying look I can't send my child out like I am okay to live in Africa India wherever it takes right but that doesn't work for me personally

[00:38:16] it might work for some people that is great it doesn't work for me yeah and let's be honest right I mean like I think I can say this from the perspective of like spending

[00:38:26] close to a third of my life abroad right grass is always greener on the other side I'm sure there are like some guys sitting in New Jersey working and saying similarly like someone sitting in a Hyderabad Bangalore saying all my friends are in New Jersey

[00:38:48] or San Francisco San Jose all of that so like I think it's always the perspective whichever side you're on you'll always feel that the other side is better and I think it's just inherent human

[00:38:59] behavior right you're never satisfied never happy in there you know you know so Peter which is very it is an interesting point because I'm I'm you know maybe cutting you because you said the

[00:39:12] line that is inherent human behavior and I don't believe it is inherent human behavior I think this behavior we have and we teach it to our children you know when we talk about somebody

[00:39:22] else which has a who has a big house when talk about somebody else who bought a car when you talk about the trust of the person who's Sharma ji's and I feel bad for all the Sharma ji's

[00:39:32] Sharma ji's is so respected why do you feel bad for them I know most respected people man by the way you know this girl called special Sharma ji's also right yeah absolutely by the way you know this there has been interesting research on visiting

[00:39:48] uncontacted tribes and this girl called Jean Lidov she went she spent time with uncontacted tribes in the amazon rainforest and she found out there they have no word for work okay and they have no word for happy unhappy because there is no unhappiness in that tribe

[00:40:19] right and she then spent time to figure out why that is the case and she also traced all of that to early childhood and the fact that they are absolutely content where they are so you know

[00:40:36] I hope in some ways can be passed to our so I don't agree with you Peter that it is natural human behavior I think this is behavior we have inherited intergenerational trauma you know which

[00:40:48] hopefully we don't pass on to our kids you know maybe our kids can think I am okay the way I am and whatever shape and position I am in I can make the best out of if I have a lemon I'll make

[00:41:01] you know yeah like I hope yeah no my favorite my famous thing to my parents was when I was growing up it's like when I they would like when you have kids you will realize and I was like when I have

[00:41:12] kids I let them do what they want like you know it was that kind of thing right like your parents I think I think there should be a series Nadir here's the series we should do it's like

[00:41:22] everything we our parents told us that wasn't true right because there's so many things for the first 10 years of my life I was convinced there was a monster in the

[00:41:34] abarth cabinet in the kitchen yeah how else will you go to sleep man how else will you go to sleep Nadir was that way your parents kept all the sugary treats everything I don't know man

[00:41:48] yeah that is that is for the first 10 years and I think that's a mistake that I have very conscious me made sure that I don't come it with my daughter right and my wife is you know

[00:42:00] saying this that don't scare her into submission that is what our parents did why do you want to repair send the app or call you absolutely right I'm doing exactly my pet so that's one mistake

[00:42:10] I want to eliminate from that I don't want to scare my child let me ask you a question here let me ask you a question you know which is that you seem fine now you seem like a nice guy okay

[00:42:21] so your parents did what they did like how does it matter like I'm asking you I'm genuinely curious listen this is it is my job to look nice and sound nice on a podcast right I am still afraid of that monster in the cabinet

[00:42:37] I think I think the next time I visit Nadir I'm gonna be like then we'll have a different podcast episode after that no but you know interesting interesting point Harpeet so I'll I'll take I'll give you another

[00:42:54] parallel um every time so we're very we're pretty militant when it comes to food right food habits when we were kids um sugar was like a free for all sort of thing like nobody knew wide bread had so much

[00:43:12] sugar in it nobody knew that right I don't think the the kind of research that was supposed to happen happened 30 years ago um today we have so much information and we are very conscious of the

[00:43:22] food habits that we like to inculcate in our daughter you don't need to start your day chocolates or whatever yeah so you know now when some non-parent or you know a certain kind of crowd comes and says oh nothing happened to you

[00:43:45] right you open sugar and in my head I'm like I do there was no research back then it was open it was free for all right today I'm sitting on the brink of probably some disease that I'll get

[00:43:58] in the next 10 years if I don't take care of myself so I have to ensure that this doesn't happen to my kids as well and I think that's research so yeah that's that's my parallel story that I want to

[00:44:07] kind of share with you that you know when people say you know what I mean absolutely you know actually a father once wrote to me saying you have to do all the research and stuff and I said do you know look you have a fair point

[00:44:27] you know I how can I argue against that you know um but because some people came out right doesn't mean whatever was happened you know whatever has happened is okay and if you don't want to do it it is that is also absolutely okay you know

[00:44:43] you know if you are curious if you want to know then you please understand because you know I'll tell you after I I told you why I sold co-cubes which is one big reason was

[00:45:00] then I got into parenting I realized that dude I'm again dealing with all the adults here you know so but there's one big difference and I think that difference is important which

[00:45:08] is that when a child comes into your life for once there is a small window when your mind opens and you're willing to listen and you're willing to understand a little bit more because you value

[00:45:19] somebody more than how what do you value yourself for that little brief time you know you're willing to listen and change your views which is why I think parenting is actually for

[00:45:32] me it's not about the child at all I don't spend time with my daughter so that she turns out well I spend time because spending time with her changes me I get to look at things in such a new

[00:45:44] manner that it is fabulous I absolutely enjoyed I spent time with so much time with kids they do have such a unique way of looking at things and I love it I mean I 100% agree with you

[00:45:58] I only buy Lego for my son because I want to play with Lego but jokes apart right and I know we've talked a lot and considering all three of us are podcasters we can sit through the night

[00:46:14] trading stories and stuff like that but since this is the father's day special episode I thought let's end on a couple of things we did a mother's day episode a while back right and I think

[00:46:27] over a period of time another and I was like do we really need to have mother's day why is it like mother's day why is it father's day why is there no parents day in there right

[00:46:39] and this is like research put aside like do you honestly think there should be a father's day yeah look all of these traditions including birthday father's day are western you know western constructs given to us correct you know okay

[00:47:06] yeah so now we have adopted them you know it gives us nice traffic on father's day I'm saying we're able to celebrate it no problem at all yeah uh you know on parents day I think it's a great idea

[00:47:16] absolutely and the reason India is a thawed to start it because in India everybody's a parent you know so I'm saying India has the strong hold on parents day man we need to have a parents day absolutely

[00:47:34] absolutely okay so if there's a movement started just like link back to us give us credit in there but uh or the slightly lighter note right and now does father's day make a difference at home

[00:47:48] does your daughter do something special wife do something special or it's just like I don't know yeah I'm saying I'll find out oh this is a good one I'll tell you end of the day yeah this is a good one

[00:48:05] yeah I'll find out but I'm saying to all the fathers out there what I want to say on father's day and this is an important tip on father's day especially and on all the others don't forget

[00:48:16] the mother that is the critical bit right everything else is okay but on father's day don't forget the mother man that is the big tip don't forget the mother I think this is the

[00:48:28] best way to end this episode um but thank you so much we've had I don't think when was the last time we had such a great laugh uh with a fellow dad with a fellow podcast

[00:48:38] because I think we totally wiped and we got it now what it's like to have this conversation on that I'll be this if people want to you know connect with you engage with you probably have

[00:48:51] a longer chat with you one on one how do they reach out to you so you know I am there on LinkedIn and they're on Instagram uh they're on Spotify the Instagram handle is the curious

[00:49:02] parent or her brief DMs are open you know feel free to come drop a message I'll be happy to answer uh and I would love to hear from parents and dads happy once again thank you so much

[00:49:13] happy western construct have father's day to you and don't forget the mother all the fathers out there spent enough time listening to the episode your time for father's day is over

[00:49:25] now please go back I think that's a great note go see that your kid is not watching mobile and I honestly I think like all the moms listening to this episode would be like so

[00:49:47] but yeah thanks again Harpeet really appreciate you taking time out and speaking to us and yeah we should definitely do this offline I think now in person this will be a lot more fun

[00:49:58] we'll have to host you for bmn um you know please swing by that'll be great and that was Harpeet swing grover with a very important message right like while it's father's

[00:50:10] day let's not forget the moms yeah he was he was quite funny actually you know we had such a great laugh throughout the episode but one thing that really stuck to me was the fact that all his content that

[00:50:25] he was talking about and all the incidents and anecdotes that he was talking about it was very research driven and that's something that we also do pretty heavily on pop's in a pot right Peter yeah I think long-time listeners will be familiar with that because you know

[00:50:40] let's be honest right there's a lot of information on parenting online so it's important just to kind of be mindful of the sources and things like that and I think like Harpeet has left all of us with

[00:50:52] a lot of new information and a lot of new things about parenting so definitely a lot to think about well we hope that you're having a great father's day weekend and yeah we'll keep coming up

[00:51:06] with some more interesting content but whether it's father's day or father's day it doesn't really matter but yeah please do tune in to pop's in a pot the next time and I'm sure we'll have some

[00:51:16] very interesting guests who will probably share some more interesting anecdotes with us until then see you guys all right then see you