episode 12: setting boundaries a sign of emotional intelligence

[00:00:00] Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Lovely, Lovely People Who Are Hearing To Hina's Emo Wisdom Podcast

[00:00:06] Well, This Is Your Hina Ambareen Khan, Certified Wellness Girl, Certified Life Coach, Speaker, Author,

[00:00:11] Former Soil Scientist From Indian Institute of Science

[00:00:14] Well, Here I am with the most beautiful topics that resonates with your life and also by the experiences of life

[00:00:22] and all that is based on scientific research

[00:00:26] Well, My Dear Friends, There Are Certain Things In Life For Which We Falter

[00:00:32] and that's because we do not love with wisdom

[00:00:37] Humans Create Come To Women, Well They Operate With Emotions

[00:00:41] and when these emotions are not being regulated properly then that takes away the wisdom

[00:00:49] There Are Certain Things Which I Would Like To Highlight In This Podcast

[00:00:54] Where You Can Certainly Love With Wisdom Without Feeling Guilty About Anything

[00:01:01] So, Today We Will Talk About These Things

[00:01:04] Those People Who Think That They Are Very Normal But Still They Can't Live With Wisdom

[00:01:12] and there are a lot of conflicts and problems that happen there

[00:01:15] One Thing Is Just Like Procrastination

[00:01:18] Yes, We Have Been Knowing This Term and This Has Become So Famous Across Anywhere

[00:01:24] You Can See With The People They Are Saying I'm Procrastinator

[00:01:28] I'm Procrastinating Whether It's On The Media Wherever

[00:01:31] This Has Become A Kind Of A Fad Kind Of A Word

[00:01:36] Like It Is Just Like It Is Just Like It Is Just Like It Is Just Like Procrastination

[00:01:41] These Are Common

[00:01:42] Many People Like Let Me Tell You My Own Example

[00:01:46] I Do Everything In The Last Minute

[00:01:48] I Do Prepare For It So Much But

[00:01:50] I Have Given So Many Deadlines But I Can't Do It Until The Last Minute

[00:01:56] At First I Was Realizing That It Was Really Very Bad

[00:02:02] What Are You Doing? You Are Not So Organized

[00:02:06] You Are Not Like Others

[00:02:08] So This Comparison Was In My Mind And That Was A Kind Of Kill Trip That Was Happening

[00:02:12] It Is The Biggest Regression

[00:02:15] But I Just Take It Like Anything When I Am Doing It In The Last Minute

[00:02:20] So For That Reason I Was Patting Myself

[00:02:23] In Saying Giving A Credit To Myself

[00:02:26] You Are Awesome Though You Are Doing It In The Last Minute

[00:02:29] Your Brain Is Preparing You In Such A Beautiful Way

[00:02:34] That You Are Doing Your Best Best Way

[00:02:38] A Knowledge

[00:02:40] Because Many People Take Procrastination Like This

[00:02:44] Yes Of Course When You Are Trying To Do The Same Thing Again And Again

[00:02:48] Again And Again Not Delivering Or Executing Your Task On Time

[00:02:52] That Becomes Procrastination

[00:02:54] If You Are Not Taking And Hold On That

[00:02:57] Then That Becomes A Serious Problem

[00:03:00] To Break This Procrastination What You Have To Do

[00:03:03] Just Try To Break Down The Larger Task Into Smaller Ones

[00:03:07] That Can Be Manageable

[00:03:09] For Instance If There Is A Place Or There Is A Closet

[00:03:12] Or There Is Something Like A Wardrobe Where You Have To Clean One Part

[00:03:16] To What You Have To Do

[00:03:18] The Entire Wardrobe You Can't Do It In A Single Day

[00:03:20] That Is Going To Be Overwhelming

[00:03:22] So You Can Do Part By Part

[00:03:24] Similarly Any Work You Can Just Break It Into Smaller Things

[00:03:29] Chunk It Out And Then Try To Do Part By Part So That

[00:03:34] You Are Going To Feel That You Have Done It In Some Form

[00:03:38] And Acknowledge Even An Atom Of Thing That You Have Taken The Action

[00:03:42] For What You Were Not Able To Do It

[00:03:45] That Boosts Energy Inside You

[00:03:48] And Bahat Bar Hotha This Negative Self-Talk Is Sapka Rogue Hotha

[00:03:53] More Than The Positive Self-Talk What We Humans Are Used To Is Negative Self-Talk

[00:03:58] Yes Or No

[00:04:00] How You Talk To Yourself That Matters

[00:04:03] Kis Thiraka Inner Dialogue Aapko Diya Jaar Hai

[00:04:06] It Has An Impact On Your Self-Esteem

[00:04:08] Your Confidence, Your Overall Well-Being

[00:04:11] Agar Up Constantly Kutko Criticize Kareyo

[00:04:14] Focusing Only On The Flaws And The Mistakes

[00:04:17] But You Will Find It Very Challenging To Grow And Develop That Positive Self-Image

[00:04:22] Yes For That Reason You Have To Create A Positive Self-Talk

[00:04:27] See What I Tell My Students

[00:04:29] Mere Koche Mme Hai Yeh Kaya Theo They Are Both The Sites

[00:04:32] You Have To Accept Both The Sites

[00:04:34] The Good And The Bad The Positive And The Negative

[00:04:38] I'm Not Trying To Say Positive Positive What Is Positive

[00:04:42] Kuch Bi Ho Ja You Have To Be Positive No That's Not Possible

[00:04:45] That's A Gemic

[00:04:47] You Know That There Is Some Negative Thing Existing

[00:04:50] But How Can You Change The Story And Try To Make It Positive

[00:04:53] So That You Feel Like Yes I Can Do It

[00:04:58] If You Are Only Having That Negative Talk Or The Negative Feeling

[00:05:01] Or You Are Trying To See The Flaws

[00:05:03] You Will Not See The Good Side

[00:05:05] What You Focus On Only Grows

[00:05:07] Yes So You Can Replace This Negative Statement

[00:05:10] With More Compassionate And Encouraging Ones

[00:05:13] Try To Be Kind Towards Yourself

[00:05:15] If You Are Not Kind To Yourself

[00:05:17] You Can't Expect Anybody Is Going To Show That Kindness Towards You

[00:05:19] First You Have To Fill Your Cup And Piano

[00:05:22] That's When You Can Fill The Piano Of Others

[00:05:25] Yes Comparing Oneself To Others

[00:05:28] This Is A Very Bad Problem

[00:05:31] From A Children's Child

[00:05:33] Where Parents Are Comparing The Children To Someone

[00:05:35] Children Are Comparing The Parents To Someone

[00:05:37] The Spouses Are Comparing The Spouses To Someone

[00:05:40] Friend Is Comparing That Friendship With Someone

[00:05:43] This Is A Common Thing

[00:05:45] And This Is One Of The Biggest Disease

[00:05:47] That We Lack That Self-Esteem

[00:05:50] Or We Lack That Self-Confidence

[00:05:52] Only Because We Are Comparing, Comparing, Comparing

[00:05:55] Social Media Is So

[00:05:58] Spiked That People

[00:06:01] Compare It To People

[00:06:03] Look At My Life, Look At This Person's Life

[00:06:05] How They Are You Know

[00:06:06] Cuddling With Each Other

[00:06:07] How They Are Hanging With Each Other

[00:06:09] Where Are They Going?

[00:06:10] We Are Not Going

[00:06:11] They Are Enjoying Life

[00:06:12] We Are Not Enjoying Life

[00:06:13] Look At Them

[00:06:14] How They Are Good To Each Other

[00:06:16] We Are Not Going To Our Home

[00:06:18] Yes Or No

[00:06:19] This Is The Problem

[00:06:21] First Of All, We Should Remove This Stop

[00:06:23] To Break Free From That Comparison Trap

[00:06:26] Trap, Sorry

[00:06:27] To Break Free From This Comparison Trap

[00:06:29] You Have To Remind Yourself

[00:06:31] Everyone's Journey Is Unique

[00:06:32] If You Take Five, Then It Doesn't Be The Same

[00:06:34] Your Brother In Home

[00:06:35] It Doesn't Be The Same

[00:06:36] Your Sister In Home

[00:06:37] It Doesn't Be The Same

[00:06:38] So How Can You Compare Your Life

[00:06:39] Being The Same With Someone's Life

[00:06:41] And How Can You Make Yourself

[00:06:42] Feel So Low Because Somebody Is Really Happy

[00:06:44] And In Your House There Is No Happiness

[00:06:46] There Is Nothing In Everyone's Home

[00:06:48] There Is Something In Everyone's Life

[00:06:50] There Is Something In Everyone's Life

[00:06:52] We Come Together In Negative And Positive

[00:06:54] It Is Not That Everyone's Life

[00:06:56] Has Happiness And Is Very Good

[00:06:58] Your Lack Is

[00:07:00] It Doesn't Be The Same

[00:07:01] According To Their Face

[00:07:02] There Is A Lot In Their Life

[00:07:04] Which We Don't See

[00:07:06] Just Focus On Your Progress

[00:07:07] And Celebrate The Achievements

[00:07:08] And Celebrate For Every Little Thing

[00:07:10] That You Are Having

[00:07:11] That Is Gifted To You

[00:07:13] And There Is A Bad Disease

[00:07:15] A Welling In The Past

[00:07:17] We Always

[00:07:19] Hold It And Stay There

[00:07:21] As It Is Given As The Property

[00:07:23] From Ancestors

[00:07:24] We Don't Give It To Someone

[00:07:26] We Have To Hold It

[00:07:27] Those Regrets, Past Mistakes, Failures

[00:07:29] You Know What It Is Going

[00:07:31] Doing, It Is Actually Stopping You

[00:07:33] From Leaving Your Present

[00:07:35] And You Can't Live

[00:07:37] For The Future

[00:07:39] We Always Take The Past

[00:07:40] It's Like You Are Carrying Some Trash

[00:07:42] There Is So Much Stinking

[00:07:44] That It Is Suffocating You

[00:07:45] But Still You Want To Carry That Trash

[00:07:47] And You Want A Beautiful Present

[00:07:49] You Want A Beautiful Future

[00:07:51] How Can You Have A Beautiful Present

[00:07:53] And Beautiful Future When You Are Living With Your Past

[00:07:55] Just Let Go

[00:07:57] Let Go That Was Not In Your Control

[00:07:59] You Had To Learn So Many Things

[00:08:00] So That Past Has Happened

[00:08:02] Past Is Important

[00:08:04] Everyone's Past Is Important

[00:08:05] It Is Not That I Had No Past

[00:08:07] It Is Very Good

[00:08:09] Everyone's Past Is Different

[00:08:11] You Had To Live With That Past

[00:08:13] What Have You Learned From That Past

[00:08:15] It Is Very Important

[00:08:17] Acknowledge The Lessons That You Have Learned

[00:08:19] From Your Past Experiences

[00:08:20] And Use Them To Inform

[00:08:22] Yourself For The Future Decisions

[00:08:24] Okay

[00:08:26] Neglecting Self-Care

[00:08:27] Because Being A Wellness Coach

[00:08:28] I Tell You My Dear Lovely People

[00:08:30] Until And Unless You Do Not

[00:08:32] Love Yourself

[00:08:33] The First Criteria

[00:08:35] For Self-Love

[00:08:36] What I Tell The World Is

[00:08:38] Taking Good Care Of Yourself

[00:08:40] Because Health Is The Biggest Foundation

[00:08:42] If That Foundation Is Over

[00:08:44] You Can't Build Anything On That

[00:08:46] Just Like You Don't Have A Strong Foundation

[00:08:48] You Can't Build An Infrastructure

[00:08:50] Similarly If You Don't Have Best Health

[00:08:52] You Can't Build A Happy Life

[00:08:54] Regardless Of Whatever You Have In Life

[00:08:56] If Health Is Not There

[00:08:58] Nothing Is There

[00:09:00] You Can't Enjoy Your Life

[00:09:02] Even If You Are 100 Years

[00:09:04] You Should Be In Good Health

[00:09:06] And You May Wonder

[00:09:08] How You Can Maintain Yourself

[00:09:10] Even When You Are 100 Plus

[00:09:12] And You Are Not Depending On Others

[00:09:14] You Understand By The Mercy Of The Creator

[00:09:16] And I'm Going To Help You Out

[00:09:18] I'm Going To Teach You How You Can

[00:09:20] Maintain Yourself To That Level

[00:09:22] Mind Your Body

[00:09:24] Your Soul And Your Mind

[00:09:26] As Well This Will Include

[00:09:28] First It's Not Exercise

[00:09:30] Exercise Too Much Of Exercise

[00:09:32] Too Much Of Dieting This Is Unhealthy

[00:09:34] Body Is Not Made For That

[00:09:36] What Have You Put In Your Mouth

[00:09:38] That Matters

[00:09:40] Your Sleep, Your Water

[00:09:42] You Are Being Active Throughout The Day

[00:09:44] It Doesn't Mean To Say

[00:09:46] That You Have To Just Go To The Gym

[00:09:48] And All That

[00:09:50] If You Want To Have A Fitter Body

[00:09:52] A Healthy Body That's Okay

[00:09:54] Six Packs Itself Will Not

[00:09:56] Make You A Fitter Person

[00:09:58] What If You Are Losing

[00:10:00] Those Six Packs In Your Old Age

[00:10:02] And How You Look Just Imagine

[00:10:04] Right So We Have To Be Very Sensible

[00:10:06] Just Can You

[00:10:08] Self Care Activities Because This Is The

[00:10:10] Way You Are Loving Yourself

[00:10:12] Your Foundation Will Be Strong

[00:10:14] Don't Ignore Your Health

[00:10:16] That's The Most Important Thing

[00:10:18] Even If You Are Making Billions

[00:10:20] And Trillions You Have

[00:10:22] But You Don't Have Good Health

[00:10:24] You Are Not Living Life Rather You Are

[00:10:26] Dying Everyday So You Have To

[00:10:28] Be Very Conscious About That

[00:10:30] And Another Disease Is

[00:10:32] Perfection Exists

[00:10:34] No, If We Were Perfect

[00:10:36] We Would Have Been Angels

[00:10:38] In The Sky

[00:10:40] We Are All

[00:10:42] Having Imperfections

[00:10:44] And We Have To Accept Those Imperfections

[00:10:46] And Live With The Best

[00:10:48] Way

[00:10:50] Not Perfect

[00:10:52] Perfect Is A High Healed

[00:10:54] In Demand

[00:10:56] Because The Perfections

[00:10:58] They Are Not

[00:11:00] Productive In Life

[00:11:02] Because These People Always

[00:11:04] Mistakes

[00:11:06] Neither They Have

[00:11:08] That Confidence To Grow

[00:11:10] Nor They Live With That Confidence

[00:11:12] Just Celebrate

[00:11:14] Even If It Is Imperfect

[00:11:16] Even Something You Have

[00:11:18] Taken The Action That Is Biggest

[00:11:20] Accomplishment Action Is The One

[00:11:22] That Makes You Become More Courageous

[00:11:24] And Confident

[00:11:26] So Without Taking Action

[00:11:28] You Keep Thinking

[00:11:30] That You Have To Live Like This

[00:11:32] That Is The Best

[00:11:34] But Thinking That It Has To Be Perfect

[00:11:36] That Is Ridiculous

[00:11:38] Surround Yourself With People

[00:11:40] Who Can Support You And Encourage You

[00:11:42] Rather Than Who Constantly Criticizes You

[00:11:44] And Who Demands Perfection

[00:11:46] Stay away From People

[00:11:48] Because These People

[00:11:50] Neither Grow Themself

[00:11:52] Nor Let You Grow Themself

[00:11:54] So Be Easy With These People

[00:11:56] Surrounding Yourself With Negativity

[00:11:58] Like Our Negative Self Talk

[00:12:02] In The Same Way We Live

[00:12:04] With People

[00:12:06] This Matters

[00:12:08] If You Surround Yourself With Negative Influences

[00:12:10] Anything Can Be Like

[00:12:12] Toxic Relationship

[00:12:14] Like In Relationships

[00:12:16] That Someone Is Judging You

[00:12:18] Or Criticizing You

[00:12:20] Or Breaking Your Heart

[00:12:22] Or You Are Disgusting

[00:12:24] Or You Are Growing

[00:12:26] Stay Away From People

[00:12:28] This Is Your Mental Health

[00:12:30] Or Mental Peace

[00:12:32] It Can Be Challenging

[00:12:34] To Maintain A Positive Outlook

[00:12:36] And Foster That Personal Growth

[00:12:38] So Better Stay Away With Those

[00:12:40] Kind Of Negative People

[00:12:42] Who Can Have

[00:12:44] A Negative Impact On You

[00:12:46] It Can Be In Terms Of Relationships

[00:12:48] It Can Be Your Friends

[00:12:50] Your Colleagues

[00:12:52] Your Peer Group

[00:12:54] Create Your Environment

[00:12:56] With These People Who Can Boost You

[00:12:58] Who Can Improve You

[00:13:00] Who Can Understand You

[00:13:02] Because They Are Not Living Your Dreams

[00:13:04] So They Are Going To Shut Your Dreams

[00:13:06] And When You Take Their Opinion

[00:13:08] And You Should Think About Whose Opinion

[00:13:10] What Is This Person Up To

[00:13:12] So You Have To Set Boundaries

[00:13:14] With People Who Constantly Bring You Down

[00:13:16] Or Drain Your Energy

[00:13:18] You Have To Set A Boundary

[00:13:20] That Is Because You Honor Yourself

[00:13:22] A Strong Boundary

[00:13:24] Saying This Is With You

[00:13:26] I Do Not Tolerated

[00:13:28] You Have To Speak It Out

[00:13:30] You Are Not A Dormat

[00:13:32] That Anything Happens And You Are Just

[00:13:34] Keeping Quiet

[00:13:36] And One Thing Which My Mom Used

[00:13:38] To Say A Lot To Me

[00:13:40] Not To Be A Multitasker

[00:13:42] But I Never Heard Her Word

[00:13:44] Till She Was Alive

[00:13:46] Now I Realized

[00:13:48] Yes She Was Totally Right

[00:13:50] Because Multitasking Will

[00:13:52] Suck Your Energy

[00:13:54] Will Drain You Out

[00:13:56] Will Make You More Unproductive

[00:13:58] I Have Seen This

[00:14:00] Never Do Multitasking

[00:14:02] Just Focus On One Thing

[00:14:04] Always My Mom Used To Bang Her Head

[00:14:06] And Say That Focus On One Thing

[00:14:08] Focus On One Thing

[00:14:10] Why Do You Want To Be A Multitasker

[00:14:12] That Is Really Not Good

[00:14:14] We People Don't Listen

[00:14:16] When We Listen

[00:14:18] So To Improve Your Productivity

[00:14:20] And Focus Embrace

[00:14:22] Single Task

[00:14:24] Completely

[00:14:26] But Perfectionism

[00:14:28] Not Like Best

[00:14:30] Neglecting

[00:14:32] Your Own Self

[00:14:34] Pratise

[00:14:37] Many People

[00:14:39] Do Pratise

[00:14:41] And Other Things

[00:14:43] Many People

[00:14:45] Who Don't Make Relationships

[00:14:47] And Try To Be Good With Everyone

[00:14:49] You Are Neglecting

[00:14:51] Neglecting This Personal Relationships

[00:14:53] It's Like

[00:14:55] A Height Of Stupidity

[00:14:57] Genuine Interest In The Lives

[00:14:59] Of Your Own People Who Are Living

[00:15:01] With You

[00:15:03] If You Are Not Being Concerned About That

[00:15:05] And Always Concerned About

[00:15:07] Anybody Outside That

[00:15:09] That Is Like Neglecting Your Relationships

[00:15:11] So You Have To Be Very Careful About That

[00:15:13] Many People Resist

[00:15:15] They Want To Change

[00:15:17] That Is Going To Bring The Best

[00:15:19] Without Pain You Can't Get Anything

[00:15:21] With Pain Only You Can Get

[00:15:23] For Instance

[00:15:25] If You Want To Lose Weight

[00:15:27] You Have To Take Pain

[00:15:29] Workout, Discipline

[00:15:31] All That Matters

[00:15:33] If You Are In Comfort Zone

[00:15:35] You Are Not Going To Grow

[00:15:37] You Are Going To Remain Stagnant

[00:15:39] If You Want Change

[00:15:41] You Can't Stay In Comfort Zone

[00:15:43] You Are Out Of That Comfort Zone

[00:15:45] Like People Are Afraid

[00:15:47] Oh My God!

[00:15:49] By Doing This New Work

[00:15:51] Or By Taking This New Experience

[00:15:53] I Am Afraid

[00:15:55] How Will I Go For This Kind Of Work

[00:15:57] And How Will I Change My Lifestyle

[00:15:59] How Can I Make Myself So Disciplined

[00:16:01] How Can I Wake Up Early In The Morning

[00:16:03] How Can I Go To bed Early

[00:16:05] This All Becomes

[00:16:07] A Kind Of Pain

[00:16:09] Because You Are Used To That Comfort Zone

[00:16:11] So You Have To Be Cautious

[00:16:13] About All These Things

[00:16:15] Like I Have Told You All This

[00:16:17] Transforming Your Life

[00:16:19] Starts With Examining

[00:16:21] What You Are Owing Up

[00:16:23] The Responsibilities

[00:16:25] The Change Is A Process My Dear Friends

[00:16:27] Starting Small Is Okay

[00:16:29] Just Focus On One Habit

[00:16:31] One Thing, Be Patient With Yourself

[00:16:33] Focus On Your Health

[00:16:35] That Is The Basic Foundation As It Is Said

[00:16:37] Celebrate Even A Small Amount

[00:16:39] Even An Action If You Could Do It

[00:16:41] Don't Be Afraid

[00:16:43] To Seek The Support

[00:16:45] Of The Professionals

[00:16:47] You Can Join Me Or Attend

[00:16:49] I Am Going To Help You

[00:16:51] Where You Are Going To Feel Empowered

[00:16:55] Embrace The Journey Of Self-Discovery

[00:16:57] And Growth My Dear Friends

[00:16:59] And See How Your Life Transforms

[00:17:01] In Meaningful Ways

[00:17:03] Thank You So Much

[00:17:05] Lovely People For Hearing

[00:17:07] Well, Tune In To Hina's Emo Podcast

[00:17:09] And I Will Come

[00:17:11] With Very Good Topics

[00:17:13] That Is Going To Empower You

[00:17:15] Help You

[00:17:17] So That You Can Implement

[00:17:19] And Change Your Life For The Best

[00:17:21] Because Hina's Mission Or Purpose

[00:17:23] Is Here To Empower

[00:17:25] Every Single Soul

[00:17:27] Existing On Our... Thank You So Much

[00:17:29] Once Again For Hearing To Hina's Emo Podcast

[00:17:31] Tune In To Hina's Emo Podcast

[00:17:33] Till Then Take Care

[00:17:35] See You

[00:17:37] Dada And Bye Bye