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[00:00:07] Hello Sunshine, How was your week been?
[00:00:12] The little girl asked the boy, why are you so nice even to people who are rude to you?
[00:00:18] And he said, because I too have been rude to nice people and I know that rudeness comes from a place of roaring pain and only kindness soothes it.
[00:00:31] They say hurt people hurt people and counselors and therapists and psychologists will all agree that pain patterns get passed on generation to generation.
[00:00:43] But today I want to say something that maybe not everyone will agree with but it needs to be said anyway.
[00:00:50] It's okay to hurt someone's feelings every once in a while.
[00:00:54] You know because the truth is emotionally healthy people know this and expect it to happen.
[00:01:02] They do it when necessary and as appropriately as possible.
[00:01:07] They may feel bad but never guilty when they feel they need to say something honestly even if it knows it's hurting someone's feelings.
[00:01:16] You know if you hurt someone because you are taking care of yourself or you are trying to protect yourself it's acceptable and emotionally healthy.
[00:01:28] But if you intentionally hurt someone out of meanness wanting them to suffer that's unacceptable and unhealthy.
[00:01:37] So there's an example of say you've gone out for coffee with your friend and you feel she's put on a little more weight than she did the last time you met her.
[00:01:47] And you want to address it with her because maybe you feel she's not looking her healthiest best.
[00:01:55] It's okay if you sit across the table and address the topic in the most compassionate kind manner.
[00:02:01] You may even understand why she's put on weight.
[00:02:04] But sitting across the table and making fun of her or laughing at her or body shaming her is not kind.
[00:02:13] We can't function in relationships with other adults and expect not to hurt or get hurt.
[00:02:20] That's not how life works.
[00:02:22] You know we have to learn being comfortable hurting others feelings and managing our own when we feel someone has hurt us.
[00:02:30] Each of us touches the lives of other people.
[00:02:34] We touch them with our love, our compassion, our laughter, our encouragement.
[00:02:40] We touch them with our thoughtfulness.
[00:02:42] For example you may have gone to visit a friend and she's just had a baby.
[00:02:47] And she needs to cook her food.
[00:02:48] Now you can do two things. You can either offer to take care of her baby or then offer to help her prepare her meal.
[00:02:55] Sitting with someone who is sick is another act of thoughtfulness.
[00:03:02] Reaching out to a friend knowing that he or she may have gone through a break up just to have them talk to you or let them talk to you about what they're really feeling is also a way of being thoughtful.
[00:03:15] You know in this manner we learn to touch each other's lives and that's part of being human.
[00:03:21] But at times we also touch others by hurting them.
[00:03:25] Hurting others is also part of being human.
[00:03:30] None of us lives a life that spares us the experience of causing others pain or going through pain ourselves.
[00:03:37] And you know no matter how hard we try to get it right, to tread carefully, to say the right thing, to make the right decisions, to think before we act, we may still sometimes end up hurting someone.
[00:03:49] You know they say love can be experienced only through our capacity to being completely vulnerable and honest with one another.
[00:03:58] And vulnerability often demands that we show up and have the courage to speak the truth as well as accept the truth.
[00:04:06] Healthy relationships require us to be emotionally involved and present at all times.
[00:04:12] And we can do that when we are willing to be honest.
[00:04:16] And sometimes honest may mean speaking the truth which may hurt someone close to you.
[00:04:22] People who discover that love is worth the pain also find that they hurt fewer people along the way to living fully again because they can love deeply again.
[00:04:32] So here's to each one of us accepting life the way it is, learning to be vulnerable, learning to show up as honestly as we can.
[00:04:41] Learning to accept when somebody is telling us something that may hurt us but at the same time having the compassion to present our truth to someone when it's really required.
[00:04:52] Have a great week everyone and we'll speak to you again next week.
[00:04:56] Take good care of yourselves. Bye for now.