082 - Setting Healthy BOUNDARIES in Relationships

[00:00:00] Hi, this is Rishabh and this is Vanita Welcome to Connect The Dots Podcast where we want

[00:00:05] to discuss facts of life to help the next generation Some of the topics we will be discussing

[00:00:11] about here are parenting, schooling, talents, life hacks, nutrients, travel, mindset and more.

[00:00:18] Hey guys, welcome back to Connect The Dots Podcast Today, we are going to be talking about

[00:00:26] healthy boundaries. So, Ma'am, what do you think healthy boundaries are to you?

[00:00:33] Oh, I like this table-sturning around, you are asking me questions and I have to answer,

[00:00:39] Yara Shabh. Yes.

[00:00:41] And why are you putting me in a spotlight, man? Because you have never been in the spotlight

[00:00:45] for a long time. Okay, so healthy boundaries to me is nothing but knowing how do I put

[00:00:55] certain words. Like to me, I visualise it like this. Okay, so we are like an open book as

[00:01:02] a person and the access to that book, the complete access to that book can be given to the

[00:01:12] most important people in your lives. Like for me, it would be my husband and my children.

[00:01:17] You know, they have complete access to the book but after that, the next, you know, people

[00:01:22] who follow in the next category, after that would be my parents and in-laws. So they

[00:01:26] would get, say about 70% of, you know, the access to the book. Okay, so that 70% is what

[00:01:35] I mean by a boundary ratio. And then after that comes to, it goes to friends and you know

[00:01:39] like your work colleagues, they may get only 50% access and then it comes to strangers

[00:01:45] who get only 10% access. So think of yourself as a book and draw boundaries of

[00:01:52] how much, you know, access each category of people in your lives can get to that book.

[00:01:58] That's a very nice analogy. Thanks, Rishabh. You know, spending time with you when I've

[00:02:02] realised I'm getting spontaneous analogies with her feels good, yeah. So how do you think

[00:02:11] people can implement these, you know, boundaries? So I think one very crucial method of implementing

[00:02:20] boundaries is for you to learn how to say no. Okay, so say for example, you have a very

[00:02:27] close friend and that friend is in a dire need for money. You help that friend once the

[00:02:34] friend takes the money and he or she just fulfills the need that they have for the money

[00:02:41] and then they ask you for help again. You help them again. They ask you for help the

[00:02:47] third time, you start thinking a little bit. Okay, this person doesn't seem to understand

[00:02:54] that, you know, he's taking advantage of my money. So maybe you may help the third time

[00:02:59] but the fourth time that the same person comes asking you for help, you should know how

[00:03:03] to say no, that's it. That is a very important ingredient of, you know, being able to decide

[00:03:11] boundaries. Yes. So as I have covered everything, what are your thoughts on this? Do you have anything

[00:03:22] to say about boundaries like how does it help in maintaining very fruitful relationships

[00:03:28] when you have boundaries? Like I'll ask you a question and context. Say for example,

[00:03:33] many people who are married, this one, this one, they would resonate with this like say,

[00:03:38] a girl gets married and then she goes to a family. No, not just with the husband but the husband's

[00:03:44] parents and all of that, they're all staying together in a family. I don't, I'm not saying

[00:03:50] join family is not a good idea but 99% of the time couples prefer being by themselves. Okay, so say

[00:03:58] for example, you stay in a joined family and then all joined families have their own ups and downs

[00:04:05] and they have their own challenges and you sort of at some time I think 90% people feel that

[00:04:12] they're done with this and they just want to move out on their own and husband and wife decide

[00:04:16] to go out on their own. Okay, so initially it may be a turbulent time for the parents or

[00:04:22] the husband to adjust to this but I think in my experience what I've felt is thereafter years of

[00:04:29] you know staying together and separate what I mean by together and separate is like me and my

[00:04:36] husband and children stay in a particular place and my in-laws stay somewhere else. So that

[00:04:40] distance has given us more understanding of each other's expectations and bound reason. I think

[00:04:46] that has helped us have a more long lasting relationship and it's definitely been a better deal

[00:04:51] so that is my experience but so on these lines which are what do you think? I mean now you're

[00:04:57] living only with me and dad and through us. So if say for example if your grandparents also stayed

[00:05:03] and here with us permanently how would there be? That that would have its ups and downs but as of now

[00:05:14] we don't want to break the stability so in my opinion I wouldn't consider it and what do you

[00:05:21] think when you grow up and you have your own family? What do you think would be a more

[00:05:26] optimal situation? Like would you want to stay with dad and me or would you want to like

[00:05:31] be having a home of your own and your family and stuff like that separate what's your opinion on that

[00:05:35] just want to know your out of curiosity. I'll be in the same city but I live somewhere else.

[00:05:40] Yeah so how does that help? How do you think that helps being together and separate?

[00:05:46] It's like you get to have your own privacy but you even get to meet your parents from time to time

[00:05:55] so I feel that can give like a boost for the relationship. Fantastic and also the other thing is

[00:06:02] if you have two or three different places then you have many places to go to rather than everyone

[00:06:07] staying in the same place it gets boring after some time so when children are staying separate

[00:06:13] and then the parents are staying separate and then our two children parents can go to the first

[00:06:17] child's house for some time then they can go to the second child's house for some time and the

[00:06:21] first child come to their house so it just becomes a nice change of place you know it becomes

[00:06:26] interesting. Yeah yeah so that is another aspect of boundaries and another thing which I thought of

[00:06:37] speaking when it comes to boundaries. Yeah this is a very common thing like every child every

[00:06:43] adolescent kid has taught about how you know especially girl children these days how they should know

[00:06:49] what's good touch and what's bad touch and those are like very not being taught in schools because

[00:06:54] we have a lot of these you know not so reliable people around so children need to be taught on

[00:07:05] what are the boundaries they should sit with any stranger that comes near them and stuff like that.

[00:07:10] So that's the third type of boundary you can read up on that on Google that's always there.

[00:07:14] So I think that's about it guys for boundaries and I hope you like this episode Rishabh what do

[00:07:20] you think about this was it were worth your time. Yes okay this is a cast is worth my time of course

[00:07:30] awesome Rishabh awesome I really hope you guys like this episode as well and don't stay tuned for more

[00:07:36] such amazing conversation the industry I'm going to give it over to you for close-up. Yeah so stay

[00:07:41] tuned for one of episodes if you like this one share different and subscribe to signing off. Bye