Emotions

[00:00:03] Hey everyone, this is Voice with Warikoo.

[00:00:06] With my name is Ankur Warikoo.

[00:00:07] In this English podcast series, I cover a lot of things.

[00:00:11] Career, relationships, personal finance, success, failure and frankly anything else that comes into the mind.

[00:00:19] Every week Thursday, on your favorite podcast platform, a new episode, Voice with Warikoo.

[00:00:29] In a podcast that I did with Raj Shamanee who's a great podcaster by the way from India,

[00:00:33] you should look up his podcast.

[00:00:36] I describe the hiring process that we have at WebVeda, which is the start of the day run.

[00:00:45] It's comprising two parts.

[00:00:47] Part one is what we call 20 questions.

[00:00:49] So when anyone applies, we send them a list of 20 questions.

[00:00:55] But then and it's a separate thing you can check the podcast out for what those 20 questions are etc.

[00:01:00] A very interesting approach.

[00:01:01] But the second part, which we've recently introduced,

[00:01:05] it's been about a year now, is an EQ test.

[00:01:09] And in this EQ test, there are two tests.

[00:01:12] One is a test on attachment style and second is a test on emotional regulation.

[00:01:20] I'll describe what they are.

[00:01:22] Attachment style is basically a style that you adopt as an individual in relationships.

[00:01:28] There are four attachment styles of the hiring.

[00:01:31] One of it is the secure attachment style.

[00:01:35] This is where you are secure in relationships.

[00:01:38] But there are three which are insecure, but they have different shapes and forms.

[00:01:43] So one of them is anxious, second one is dismissive or avoidant,

[00:01:48] and third one is disorganized.

[00:01:50] So if you're not secure in your relationship,

[00:01:53] be anxious in a relationship.

[00:01:57] You can be dismissive or avoidant, so you don't even get attached.

[00:02:05] Because he might leave me or leave me, I will not even get attached.

[00:02:10] And third is disorganized, that you almost don't care.

[00:02:13] You're like flippant.

[00:02:15] And I am very clearly looking for people who are secure attachment style.

[00:02:20] Because that brings in stability and it also allows for a long term commitment to the task that you are doing.

[00:02:29] The second one is emotional regulation.

[00:02:31] How well do you regulate your emotions?

[00:02:36] And there are many ways to regulate emotions.

[00:02:38] So essentially what it's trying to do is

[00:02:41] over five gradients understand the emotional regulation of somebody.

[00:02:46] Gradient one or level one is lack of emotional clarity.

[00:02:51] Do you even know what you're feeling?

[00:02:54] Or are you confused about your emotions?

[00:02:57] Second is difficulties engaging in goal directed behavior.

[00:03:02] That means towards a certain goal,

[00:03:05] whatever you have to generate emotion,

[00:03:07] can you generate that emotion or not?

[00:03:11] Or do your emotions take the better of you and take you away from your goal.

[00:03:16] Third is impulse control difficulties.

[00:03:20] That you have control over your behaviors when you are triggered emotionally.

[00:03:28] Fourth is limited access to effective emotion regulation strategies.

[00:03:35] When you get triggered, do you feel overwhelmed?

[00:03:39] Or do you actually have a way to regulate your emotions?

[00:03:41] You have created strategies through your process,

[00:03:44] through your understanding,

[00:03:45] through your experience which allow you to regulate your emotions.

[00:03:51] And fifth is non-acceptance of emotional responses.

[00:03:55] Whenever you experience negative emotions,

[00:03:58] are you accepting of them or not?

[00:04:01] Or do you feel ashamed?

[00:04:02] Do you feel guilty?

[00:04:03] Do you see yourself as weak?

[00:04:06] This is a measurement.

[00:04:08] Now, what am I looking for?

[00:04:11] I am ultimately looking for somebody who is capable of delivering

[00:04:17] on all of these five fronts.

[00:04:20] That they have emotional clarity,

[00:04:22] that they generate the emotions for goal directed behavior,

[00:04:26] that they don't react emotionally.

[00:04:30] Whenever you are triggered, there is a regulation strategy.

[00:04:34] And they don't consider themselves weak or inadequate for feeling a certain way.

[00:04:41] Because that is an emotionally sound person,

[00:04:45] somebody who is strong, somebody who is effective with their emotions.

[00:04:50] That doesn't mean that he always thinks right.

[00:04:54] What it means is that if he is taken in a wrong direction

[00:04:57] or his mind becomes weak and he is forced to think in a wrong direction,

[00:05:03] they have a way of coming back from it.

[00:05:06] They have a way of winning over it.

[00:05:09] Now, why is this important?

[00:05:12] It is important because in 44 years of living life,

[00:05:15] if you ask me what's the one thing that I wish everybody in this world is trained on,

[00:05:24] it is emotional regulation.

[00:05:28] Attachment style is outside of your control

[00:05:31] because most of the attachment style gets formed when you are a kid.

[00:05:36] When you are not in your own control and you are at the mercy,

[00:05:41] if you will, of your caregiver.

[00:05:43] Could be your parents, could be your guardian,

[00:05:45] could be your grandparents, whosoever.

[00:05:48] That's how you become an attachment style.

[00:05:52] But your emotional regulation,

[00:05:54] even if you've had the worst possible experiences in the past,

[00:05:59] is something that you can work upon and conquer and get past.

[00:06:06] But people who are unwilling to do that are not high on my radar

[00:06:11] because then they get triggered easily.

[00:06:14] They get triggered by competition.

[00:06:16] They get triggered by feedback.

[00:06:18] They get triggered because they take things personally.

[00:06:21] They get triggered because they are not able to trust people.

[00:06:25] They are micromanagers.

[00:06:28] They can't lose control or give away control.

[00:06:32] They don't know how to collaborate.

[00:06:34] And it becomes a really hard individual,

[00:06:37] difficult individual to deal with in a team.

[00:06:41] Now why am I sharing all this with you?

[00:06:45] Because even if a company does not have these deaths,

[00:06:49] ultimately every measurement of your actions

[00:06:54] is trying to answer this question.

[00:06:57] How are you emotionally as a person?

[00:07:02] Because intellectually, you will prove yourself.

[00:07:05] Those skills, tests, GD, PI, whatever you do.

[00:07:10] But emotional worthiness is very hard to determine.

[00:07:15] And any experienced company or interviewer

[00:07:19] is directly or indirectly always trying to measure that.

[00:07:24] This person is emotionally strong and stable.

[00:07:29] And if you are not, you owe it to yourself to become that person.

[00:07:36] Not just for work, not just for clearing their interview,

[00:07:40] but for life, all the best.

[00:07:51] Now please don't forget to review this on your platform.

[00:07:54] And do subscribe to Voice with Variku every Thursday.

[00:07:57] A new episode on your favorite podcast platform.