In this episode of The Can Do Way, I am talking to self-published romance writer, Marysol James.
Author of 31 books, spread over six best selling series, with one series recorded to audio books, Marysol landed in this career by happy accident. By doing so, she learned the value of change and embracing opportunities outside of the box.
A Canadian now living in England, Marysol lived in Poland and Hong Kong, travelling solo, with only a backpack for company. One year ago, she ended a very abusive relationship and has spent the time healing and rebuilding her life from literally zero.
Marysol says she is a romance writer who is single and seeking a real connection in this topsy-turvy modern world.
Marysol’s inspiring Can Do story takes you on a journey of growth—navigating stormy seas with grit and emerging even stronger, guided by empathy, as she discovers her inner champion in calmer waters.
Listen for Marysol’s Can Do tips:
- I can influence 80% of my life.
- I can be better tomorrow than I was today.
- I can safeguard myself.
Connect with Marysol https://marysoljames.com/
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[00:00:01] Hi, I'm Gail Gibson, accredited master performance coach, international speaker, podcast host and author.
[00:00:09] Known as The Can Do Coach, I thrive on enabling leaders to step up, shake it off and shine.
[00:00:17] Welcome to my podcast, The Can Do Way.
[00:00:20] My guests from across the globe have Can Do stories of growth, resilience and success to share.
[00:00:27] Tune in and be inspired by these individuals who have developed a strong Can Do approach.
[00:00:33] Each one of their stories is unique.
[00:00:37] Each one of their stories has a key message.
[00:00:41] In this episode of The Can Do Way, I'm delighted to be talking to self-published romance writer Marysol James.
[00:00:49] To date, Marysol has written 31 books, spreading over six best-selling series with one series recorded to audiobooks.
[00:00:59] She landed in this career utterly by happy accident and by doing so, she learned the value of change and embracing opportunities outside the box.
[00:01:10] A Canadian now living in England, Marysol lived in Poland for 16 years and in Asia for five years, travelling extensively solo and with only a backpack to accompany her.
[00:01:25] One year ago, she ended a very abusive relationship and has spent the time healing and rebuilding her life from literally zero.
[00:01:35] Marysol says she's a romance writer who is single and seeking a real connection in this topsy-turvy modern world.
[00:01:46] Welcome to the show today, Marysol.
[00:01:49] Thank you, Gail.
[00:01:50] It's wonderful to be here.
[00:01:51] If you can take us on a short walk first, just to give us a glimpse of your background
[00:01:58] and kind of fill in some of those gaps that I shared there in your intro.
[00:02:02] And just tell us what it is that drives your passion for the work that you now deliver.
[00:02:10] Well, I was born in a very small town in Canada and education was a huge emphasis in my family.
[00:02:20] So, it was always expected and understood that I would go on to get a master's degree, get into business or law, something like that.
[00:02:30] But I always really, really wanted to be a writer.
[00:02:33] And it was my passion from a young age.
[00:02:36] My English teachers all noticed my ability.
[00:02:40] But unfortunately, it's one of those things that back then, when I was 7, 8, 10 years old,
[00:02:46] if you didn't have an agent, you didn't have a publishing house, you didn't have a writing career.
[00:02:52] So, it was something that I really wanted to do.
[00:02:55] I would have loved it.
[00:02:56] But it just wasn't a practical, safe option at that time.
[00:03:01] So, I went on to university.
[00:03:03] I went on to get my master's degree.
[00:03:06] I went on to work in business, publishing eventually, but always in management.
[00:03:12] So, my background is very, very strongly in upper management.
[00:03:20] And this is how I ended up in Hong Kong.
[00:03:22] I ended up working there as a manager.
[00:03:24] And then I ended up moving to Warsaw, Poland, where I ended up in management.
[00:03:29] But while I was in Warsaw, I got quite ill with cancer for the second time in my life.
[00:03:34] And I was promptly fired from this beautiful, high-paying management position.
[00:03:41] And I was on my back, having chemo and recovering from all of that.
[00:03:47] And it was at that time that I had a couple of friends who encouraged me to write a romance novel,
[00:03:54] kind of to pass the time.
[00:03:56] And I had been writing books, but nothing light.
[00:04:01] Everything was quite heavy, quite dark, and quite contemporary literature.
[00:04:07] And they said, well, just write the opposite of what you've been doing.
[00:04:10] Give your head a break.
[00:04:11] Give everything a break.
[00:04:12] And it will be fun.
[00:04:14] Like, what's the worst that can happen?
[00:04:15] So I wrote it in two weeks.
[00:04:18] And my friends encouraged me to publish it, self-publish it.
[00:04:23] Because, of course, by this point, Amazon had introduced a self-publishing platform,
[00:04:29] which was a game-changer for so many people, definitely for me.
[00:04:34] So when I say I fell into romance writing by accident, that's what I mean.
[00:04:38] That it was something that I just did when I was quite ill.
[00:04:42] I wrote it in two weeks.
[00:04:44] I self-published it.
[00:04:46] And it became a bestseller.
[00:04:49] And here we are, sort of 10 years later, 30 books later from that first one.
[00:04:55] And it's what I do full-time.
[00:04:57] And I have rediscovered my passion for writing, just not the way I imagined it.
[00:05:04] And certainly not the way that my parents would have encouraged me to do it.
[00:05:09] If I had said to them at the age of seven, Mom, I want to grow up to be a romance writer,
[00:05:13] she would have just been horrified.
[00:05:17] But I do have to say that when I did tell my mother 10 years ago that this is what I was doing,
[00:05:23] she was incredibly proud of me.
[00:05:26] And she understands that self-publishing takes a lot of discipline.
[00:05:30] It takes a lot of self-motivation.
[00:05:35] And those are things that I learned in my life that I've just now applied to a whole new field,
[00:05:42] a whole new profession.
[00:05:43] So I have to say I'm delighted to be a self-published romance writer.
[00:05:48] I couldn't imagine a better life for myself right now.
[00:05:50] That's so beautiful.
[00:05:52] And what a journey it's been for you through all of what you've experienced.
[00:05:59] You've talked about having a passion, but you've talked about a completely different career.
[00:06:05] You then went down a life-changing moment of your health and then being encouraged by others.
[00:06:12] If we can just go back for a moment to that moment where you said you found out you had cancer
[00:06:20] and you were fired in that role.
[00:06:23] Tell us what it was like to go through that experience.
[00:06:28] Well, I'd had cancer as a child.
[00:06:30] I was diagnosed with cancer at the age of nine.
[00:06:33] And I lived in the hospital until the age of 12.
[00:06:38] So it was kind of like when I was diagnosed a second time, I was a mother of two small
[00:06:44] boys by that point.
[00:06:45] I was married and I had children.
[00:06:48] And it was a strange experience because on the one hand, it felt utterly, utterly familiar
[00:06:54] because I had been through this already.
[00:06:56] So I knew what was coming.
[00:06:57] I had a very good idea.
[00:06:59] I'd been through the chemo, the radiation, the surgeries,
[00:07:03] just the complete lack of strength or just all the helplessness of it, the vulnerability
[00:07:10] of illness at a very young age.
[00:07:14] So I knew that.
[00:07:16] But on the other hand, I was experiencing it at a completely different life stage.
[00:07:21] So when I was nine, I didn't fully understand, but I knew that I was afraid.
[00:07:29] But at the time, I was afraid of, I'll never see my parents again.
[00:07:33] I'll never go to school again.
[00:07:34] I'll never see my friends again, my brother and sister.
[00:07:37] The second time around, the big fear was my children are going to grow up without a mother.
[00:07:42] And that's a whole different way of dealing with the same disease.
[00:07:49] So my big fear wasn't about losing my job.
[00:07:55] I mean, they gave me an amazing severance package.
[00:07:57] I wasn't financially worried about anything.
[00:08:01] But I was just more terrified about what was going to happen to my children
[00:08:06] if I couldn't pull through this.
[00:08:08] So my focus was very much not on being fired, although it was a real gut punch.
[00:08:13] It just, I didn't understand why I wasn't being supported.
[00:08:17] I didn't understand after all my years in management and being so good at it
[00:08:22] to finally reach this pinnacle in a management career that the position was so huge.
[00:08:28] It was my most responsible management position ever.
[00:08:32] And to lose it felt, on the one hand, embarrassing in a way,
[00:08:38] because I'd worked so hard and I got there and then I had it for all of a year and a half
[00:08:42] and then it was taken away and it was taken away so easily.
[00:08:44] They didn't even try to work with me.
[00:08:46] So that was humiliating.
[00:08:47] But the bigger part of me thought, okay, well, whatever.
[00:08:51] Once I get through this and I will get through this, I'll find something better.
[00:08:55] And then I'll just explain that I was extremely ill and that's why I only had the job for 18 months.
[00:09:01] So my focus was, after I got over sort of the embarrassment and the anger
[00:09:06] and the humiliation of being fired in that horrible way,
[00:09:10] my focus immediately switched to my husband and my children.
[00:09:13] And then after that, my focus switched to, well, I'm lying on my back all day.
[00:09:18] What am I going to do with myself?
[00:09:22] So there was a lot going on in my head at that time, to be fair.
[00:09:26] But most of it was focused on my boys.
[00:09:30] And very understandably, too, as you say, the first time around,
[00:09:35] you had zero responsibilities on anybody else.
[00:09:38] And yet the second time around, you were completely responsible for two other small humans who needed you.
[00:09:45] And as you say, the situation was completely different.
[00:09:50] What do you feel that you've taken from that, even the first and the second experiences of cancer
[00:09:57] that has really helped you to be a resilient person today?
[00:10:04] It's kind of interesting because when I got through cancer the first time at the age of 12,
[00:10:12] I was in remission.
[00:10:14] I was officially told I was in remission.
[00:10:17] And I walked away with, okay, you used the word resilience.
[00:10:22] Amazing resilience, I believe.
[00:10:24] Because during that three years, there were a lot of times when I was almost encouraged to kind of lie down.
[00:10:34] So, for example, there were teachers in the hospital.
[00:10:39] Obviously, it was a children's hospital.
[00:10:41] We had to have some kind of education,
[00:10:43] especially those of us who were there for years on end.
[00:10:47] We were not able to go to school.
[00:10:50] So we needed somebody to come to us.
[00:10:52] And there would be days when I would be having chemotherapy.
[00:10:56] And obviously, during chemo weeks, there was no learning to be done.
[00:11:00] But I would be feeling okay after a round of chemo.
[00:11:04] And the teacher, I would get up and I would sort of toddle down the hallway to the room where they held lessons.
[00:11:10] And the teachers would say,
[00:11:12] Oh, no, no.
[00:11:13] If you're not 100%, just go lie down.
[00:11:15] It's fine.
[00:11:16] And I said to them,
[00:11:17] I am fine.
[00:11:17] I'm here.
[00:11:18] And they were like,
[00:11:19] No, no, no.
[00:11:19] Listen, it's okay.
[00:11:20] And I just remember thinking,
[00:11:22] Why is everyone trying to give me an excuse to not be here?
[00:11:26] I understand that I have cancer.
[00:11:28] I understand this is terrible.
[00:11:30] However, I'm fine.
[00:11:32] And even when I left the hospital,
[00:11:35] and I rejoined sort of normal life in the sense that I was back with my family,
[00:11:40] and I was back at normal school,
[00:11:42] I had counselors at school coming to me and sort of making me a special case where,
[00:11:49] Are you struggling with anything at school?
[00:11:51] Are you having a hard time?
[00:11:52] Are you dealing emotionally?
[00:11:54] And I thought,
[00:11:54] Why is everybody trying to make me so fragile and breakable?
[00:11:57] I am not.
[00:11:58] I am really tough.
[00:12:01] So what I have to say is I walked away with a real toughness that served me well in my life later on,
[00:12:09] especially the second time around, the same illness.
[00:12:12] But also, I walked away with a real sense of,
[00:12:17] I do not believe,
[00:12:19] I do not make excuses.
[00:12:20] If I am capable of something,
[00:12:22] and I can do something,
[00:12:24] I will do it.
[00:12:25] And I don't want to hear from you
[00:12:26] that you're going to give me an out,
[00:12:28] you're going to give me an extra 48 hours.
[00:12:30] I don't need it.
[00:12:32] Don't give me excuses to not perform.
[00:12:34] I don't need them.
[00:12:35] So I walked away with a really strong work ethic,
[00:12:39] a really strong sense of,
[00:12:41] if you commit to something,
[00:12:42] you do it,
[00:12:43] unless you absolutely can't.
[00:12:45] Like if I absolutely can't do something,
[00:12:48] I promise you there is an exceptionally good reason for it.
[00:12:52] And that's something that I really,
[00:12:54] really believe in.
[00:12:55] So I walked away with the resilience,
[00:12:57] the toughness,
[00:12:59] the very strong sense of,
[00:13:00] you keep your word,
[00:13:01] very strong work ethic.
[00:13:03] But also a whole lot of empathy
[00:13:07] for what people are going through.
[00:13:09] Because what I did learn from my time in the hospital
[00:13:12] was not everybody coped as well.
[00:13:15] I mean, when you're in it,
[00:13:17] everybody's in crisis and it's chaos.
[00:13:19] And I understand that.
[00:13:20] But I left the hospital
[00:13:22] and never really looked back
[00:13:24] in terms of being traumatized
[00:13:26] or needing any extra help.
[00:13:28] But a lot of my fellow patients
[00:13:31] were nowhere near as lucky.
[00:13:33] And it was really sobering,
[00:13:37] in a way,
[00:13:38] to realize that children
[00:13:40] who had been through exactly
[00:13:41] what I had been through
[00:13:43] didn't cope.
[00:13:44] They didn't walk away
[00:13:45] with the toughness
[00:13:47] and the resilience
[00:13:47] and all of that.
[00:13:48] And so I just had to learn
[00:13:50] a whole lot of empathy.
[00:13:51] Just because you've been through
[00:13:53] the same thing
[00:13:54] as somebody else
[00:13:54] and you're fine,
[00:13:56] they aren't necessarily okay.
[00:13:58] And I had to...
[00:14:00] It was a really hard thing to learn
[00:14:02] when I was 13 or 14 years old.
[00:14:03] Because you sort of think,
[00:14:05] well, if I can do it,
[00:14:05] anybody can.
[00:14:06] And you don't have empathy
[00:14:08] for people who are struggling.
[00:14:09] But I did learn that...
[00:14:12] I mean, looking back on it now
[00:14:14] as an adult,
[00:14:16] going through cancer
[00:14:17] is horrible and traumatic.
[00:14:19] I don't know how I came out of it
[00:14:21] as healthy as I did,
[00:14:22] to be honest,
[00:14:23] mentally healthy.
[00:14:24] It has got to come down
[00:14:26] to my doctor and my parents
[00:14:27] and maybe a little bit of me as well.
[00:14:30] But I learned all of that
[00:14:32] from quite a horrible illness.
[00:14:36] So I don't like talking
[00:14:38] about silver linings so much,
[00:14:40] but it is something
[00:14:41] that I can look at
[00:14:42] as strengths
[00:14:44] from that experience.
[00:14:46] Indeed.
[00:14:47] Indeed.
[00:14:48] And, you know,
[00:14:50] it's all of those
[00:14:52] all of those
[00:14:53] first-hand experiences
[00:14:55] from the childhood experience
[00:14:57] that have,
[00:14:58] as you said,
[00:14:59] made the second experience of it,
[00:15:02] would you say easier
[00:15:04] or you were able
[00:15:05] to look at things
[00:15:07] with a different set of eyes
[00:15:09] having gone through,
[00:15:11] but also you would have found
[00:15:14] different strengths
[00:15:15] that came through
[00:15:16] in your second time round
[00:15:18] with cancer.
[00:15:19] Mm-hmm.
[00:15:20] Well, it's one of those things
[00:15:22] where I had done it once
[00:15:26] and I thought,
[00:15:27] I will just do this again.
[00:15:28] I will just do it again.
[00:15:30] And as soon as you get
[00:15:32] that in your head,
[00:15:33] I can do this
[00:15:34] because I've already done this.
[00:15:35] It's not,
[00:15:36] it didn't take me
[00:15:37] when I was a child.
[00:15:38] It's not going to take me
[00:15:39] now that I have children.
[00:15:40] And you sort of
[00:15:41] make up your mind,
[00:15:43] or at least I did.
[00:15:44] And once I sort of said
[00:15:46] to the doctor,
[00:15:47] to my husband,
[00:15:48] to everybody,
[00:15:49] to myself,
[00:15:49] I said,
[00:15:49] no, it's not going to get me.
[00:15:51] It's just not going to get me.
[00:15:53] And I don't know
[00:15:54] how much mental,
[00:15:55] they say that mental
[00:15:57] and emotional health
[00:15:58] and strength
[00:15:59] has a huge impact
[00:16:00] on your physical
[00:16:00] and I do believe that.
[00:16:02] So I have to honestly say
[00:16:04] the second time around,
[00:16:04] I was just so stubborn.
[00:16:06] I just said,
[00:16:07] it's not happening.
[00:16:08] It's just not going to happen.
[00:16:10] And how much of that
[00:16:12] had an impact,
[00:16:12] I don't know,
[00:16:13] but it was the mindset
[00:16:15] that I took.
[00:16:16] Yeah, fantastic.
[00:16:17] And it's that,
[00:16:18] again,
[00:16:18] it comes back to the can do,
[00:16:19] doesn't it?
[00:16:20] He says,
[00:16:20] I can do this
[00:16:21] and I've done it before
[00:16:23] and I'm going to push through.
[00:16:24] I'll find,
[00:16:24] I'll find my way.
[00:16:26] And that's,
[00:16:27] that's the essence
[00:16:28] of this whole podcast
[00:16:29] and all of the stories
[00:16:31] I get to hear.
[00:16:34] You've talked about
[00:16:35] those people around you
[00:16:37] that supported you,
[00:16:38] those champions
[00:16:39] in your life.
[00:16:40] You know,
[00:16:41] you said that your mum,
[00:16:42] now when you told her
[00:16:44] later on that you,
[00:16:45] and she'd seen the success
[00:16:47] that you were achieving
[00:16:49] as a writer.
[00:16:50] But even before that,
[00:16:51] as she was supporting you
[00:16:53] through your journeys
[00:16:54] as a child
[00:16:55] and then later on,
[00:16:57] what would you say
[00:16:58] it would have been like
[00:17:00] if those champions
[00:17:01] hadn't been by your side?
[00:17:03] Do you think things
[00:17:04] would have been different?
[00:17:07] I am,
[00:17:08] I am so blessed
[00:17:11] in that when I look back,
[00:17:12] because you did ask me
[00:17:14] at one point
[00:17:14] before we started talking,
[00:17:15] you said,
[00:17:16] you know,
[00:17:16] who are your champions?
[00:17:17] And I thought,
[00:17:19] I don't have time
[00:17:19] to list them all
[00:17:20] because I think that
[00:17:22] as a child,
[00:17:24] having such a horrible disease
[00:17:26] so young,
[00:17:27] people just appear
[00:17:27] for you.
[00:17:29] They just show up.
[00:17:30] And I mean,
[00:17:31] not just my parents,
[00:17:33] not just my grandmothers,
[00:17:34] not just my aunts
[00:17:36] and uncles and cousins,
[00:17:37] but neighbors,
[00:17:39] like the neighborhood people,
[00:17:40] they showed up for me
[00:17:41] and my parents.
[00:17:42] And the teachers at school,
[00:17:44] they sent gifts and cards.
[00:17:47] They had the kids,
[00:17:48] my friends in the class
[00:17:49] send stuff to the hospital
[00:17:51] that was dropped off
[00:17:53] and presents.
[00:17:54] And my doctor,
[00:17:55] I mean,
[00:17:56] if I have to honestly say
[00:17:57] that there's a champion
[00:17:58] in my life
[00:17:59] who got me through everything,
[00:18:00] it was my doctor
[00:18:01] as a child,
[00:18:02] Dr. Mark Greenberg,
[00:18:03] who,
[00:18:04] well,
[00:18:05] he's not an oncologist
[00:18:06] anymore,
[00:18:06] but he still works
[00:18:07] on the board.
[00:18:08] He still advises
[00:18:10] and consults.
[00:18:11] He is such an advocate
[00:18:13] for young people
[00:18:15] who were diagnosed
[00:18:17] with cancer.
[00:18:18] And I didn't realize,
[00:18:20] but his own daughter
[00:18:21] had died of cancer
[00:18:23] not long before
[00:18:24] I came along
[00:18:26] as a patient.
[00:18:26] And I sort of,
[00:18:29] I wasn't his daughter.
[00:18:31] He never made that mistake,
[00:18:32] but I think he fought
[00:18:33] as hard for me
[00:18:34] as he did
[00:18:35] because he had just
[00:18:37] had this horrible experience.
[00:18:39] And I think to this day
[00:18:41] it motivates him.
[00:18:42] I think it just,
[00:18:42] it impacted him
[00:18:44] so profoundly.
[00:18:45] So if I have to talk
[00:18:47] about my one champion
[00:18:48] that I am so grateful for,
[00:18:51] it would be Dr. Mark Greenberg
[00:18:53] because without him,
[00:18:54] I promise you,
[00:18:55] I would not be here.
[00:18:56] There is no way.
[00:18:57] That man fought for me
[00:18:58] harder than anybody
[00:19:00] ever has in my entire life.
[00:19:03] So he would be the one
[00:19:05] that I would have to
[00:19:07] call back to.
[00:19:08] Amazing.
[00:19:09] Amazing.
[00:19:10] And yes,
[00:19:11] he's inspired so much,
[00:19:13] so much in you
[00:19:14] that you've taken forward
[00:19:15] and you've never given up.
[00:19:17] He never gave up.
[00:19:18] And if you're seeing that
[00:19:20] in your life,
[00:19:21] your environment,
[00:19:21] and now I'm sure
[00:19:24] that you show that
[00:19:25] to your children
[00:19:26] as well as they've grown
[00:19:27] and gone on
[00:19:29] and done their own
[00:19:30] journeys in their lives
[00:19:32] as well
[00:19:32] is digging deep
[00:19:33] that grit,
[00:19:34] that determination
[00:19:36] in us to get through
[00:19:37] whatever it is
[00:19:39] that we're faced with.
[00:19:41] You've had
[00:19:41] many different experiences
[00:19:43] of that
[00:19:44] throughout your life.
[00:19:45] So if we come to
[00:19:47] a year ago
[00:19:48] where you said
[00:19:49] you came out
[00:19:50] of another
[00:19:52] another change
[00:19:53] in your life
[00:19:54] out of an abusive
[00:19:55] relationship,
[00:19:57] what did you have
[00:19:58] to go back to?
[00:20:00] What did you have
[00:20:00] to dig deep
[00:20:01] and get your way
[00:20:03] through to manage
[00:20:04] that journey as well?
[00:20:06] Well,
[00:20:07] it was somebody,
[00:20:08] it wasn't my husband.
[00:20:09] My husband is now
[00:20:10] my ex-husband.
[00:20:11] He and I went
[00:20:12] our separate ways
[00:20:13] and I moved
[00:20:15] to England
[00:20:16] from Poland
[00:20:17] with our oldest son
[00:20:19] who came to school here
[00:20:20] and my ex
[00:20:22] has stayed in Poland
[00:20:23] with our youngest
[00:20:24] and it was an incredibly
[00:20:26] amicable,
[00:20:28] mature split.
[00:20:30] We're still great
[00:20:31] friends today
[00:20:32] which I don't think
[00:20:33] is the norm
[00:20:33] among couples
[00:20:34] that split up
[00:20:35] the way that we have
[00:20:36] but I started
[00:20:37] a relationship here
[00:20:39] with an English man
[00:20:41] and we were together
[00:20:42] for six years
[00:20:43] and it's really
[00:20:46] interesting
[00:20:46] the thing about
[00:20:47] abusive people
[00:20:48] is they always
[00:20:51] if they sort of
[00:20:53] on the second date
[00:20:54] revealed themselves
[00:20:56] as they truly are
[00:20:57] you would run screaming.
[00:20:58] Nobody would
[00:20:59] voluntarily get
[00:21:01] into a relationship
[00:21:01] with a narcissistic
[00:21:03] abusive person
[00:21:04] but they reveal
[00:21:05] themselves very slowly
[00:21:07] and it was one
[00:21:09] of those situations
[00:21:10] where I thought
[00:21:12] he was such
[00:21:13] a great person
[00:21:14] he made me feel
[00:21:15] like I was
[00:21:16] an incredible person
[00:21:17] and I went into
[00:21:19] the relationship
[00:21:19] very strong
[00:21:21] you know
[00:21:22] moving to a new
[00:21:23] country
[00:21:23] with my son
[00:21:25] best selling
[00:21:26] I mean
[00:21:27] my royalties
[00:21:29] at that time
[00:21:29] were the highest
[00:21:30] they've ever been
[00:21:31] and I went into
[00:21:33] that with my
[00:21:34] background of
[00:21:35] toughness
[00:21:36] and grit
[00:21:36] and resilience
[00:21:37] my travel
[00:21:39] my education
[00:21:40] my world
[00:21:41] experience
[00:21:41] and I still
[00:21:43] got
[00:21:43] kind of suckered
[00:21:45] by
[00:21:46] an abusive
[00:21:47] narcissistic person
[00:21:48] and
[00:21:49] it
[00:21:50] was one of those
[00:21:51] things where
[00:21:52] he revealed himself
[00:21:53] so slowly
[00:21:54] and broke me down
[00:21:55] so slowly
[00:21:56] over time
[00:21:56] that
[00:21:57] it was
[00:21:59] about
[00:21:59] it was about
[00:22:00] a year and a half
[00:22:01] ago
[00:22:01] that I
[00:22:03] just one day
[00:22:03] looked up
[00:22:04] and it's just
[00:22:05] one of these things
[00:22:05] or you can't see
[00:22:06] the forest
[00:22:07] for the trees
[00:22:08] every day
[00:22:09] is just about
[00:22:10] walking on eggshells
[00:22:11] and trying not
[00:22:13] to get them angry
[00:22:14] and you can't
[00:22:14] figure out
[00:22:15] how you've ended
[00:22:15] up there
[00:22:16] but you can't
[00:22:17] see more than
[00:22:18] one hour ahead
[00:22:20] anyway
[00:22:21] so one day
[00:22:22] I just looked up
[00:22:23] honestly
[00:22:23] and just thought
[00:22:25] how has this
[00:22:26] become my life
[00:22:27] I had stopped
[00:22:28] writing
[00:22:28] I was working
[00:22:29] for his company
[00:22:30] for free
[00:22:31] I had no
[00:22:33] royalties
[00:22:35] I didn't
[00:22:36] have a good
[00:22:36] relationship
[00:22:37] with my son
[00:22:37] because I
[00:22:38] just wanted
[00:22:39] him out
[00:22:39] of the way
[00:22:40] because I
[00:22:40] didn't want
[00:22:40] him to
[00:22:42] be the
[00:22:43] focus of
[00:22:43] the rage
[00:22:44] so I took
[00:22:45] it all on
[00:22:45] me
[00:22:46] but then
[00:22:46] I was a
[00:22:47] stressed
[00:22:47] mess
[00:22:47] so I
[00:22:48] wasn't
[00:22:49] being a
[00:22:49] good mother
[00:22:50] there was
[00:22:50] no way
[00:22:51] I didn't
[00:22:51] have the
[00:22:51] ability
[00:22:52] to focus
[00:22:53] on anything
[00:22:54] except let's
[00:22:55] not make
[00:22:55] him mad
[00:22:56] today
[00:22:57] so everything
[00:22:58] fell by the
[00:22:58] wayside
[00:22:59] and I
[00:22:59] just thought
[00:23:00] how did
[00:23:01] I go
[00:23:01] from being
[00:23:01] this
[00:23:02] kind of
[00:23:03] kick-ass
[00:23:04] amazing
[00:23:05] tough
[00:23:06] very
[00:23:07] successful
[00:23:08] financially
[00:23:09] stable
[00:23:09] woman
[00:23:10] to
[00:23:12] terrified
[00:23:13] when he
[00:23:14] comes home
[00:23:14] and I
[00:23:15] hear the
[00:23:15] car door
[00:23:15] slam
[00:23:16] I mean
[00:23:16] who is
[00:23:16] this
[00:23:17] person
[00:23:17] that I
[00:23:17] am
[00:23:18] and it
[00:23:19] was at
[00:23:19] that time
[00:23:20] I realized
[00:23:20] that I
[00:23:21] had to
[00:23:21] get out
[00:23:21] and it's
[00:23:23] weird how
[00:23:24] the backbone
[00:23:24] just kind
[00:23:25] of reared
[00:23:26] up
[00:23:26] the
[00:23:27] what you
[00:23:27] called
[00:23:27] the grit
[00:23:28] just kind
[00:23:29] of
[00:23:30] I don't
[00:23:30] know where
[00:23:31] it had
[00:23:31] been
[00:23:31] for the
[00:23:32] four and
[00:23:33] a half
[00:23:33] years
[00:23:33] well it
[00:23:34] wasn't even
[00:23:34] that long
[00:23:34] it was
[00:23:35] three years
[00:23:35] the first
[00:23:36] couple years
[00:23:36] were amazing
[00:23:38] but three
[00:23:38] years
[00:23:39] I just
[00:23:39] it just
[00:23:40] I don't
[00:23:41] know if I
[00:23:41] was so
[00:23:42] confused
[00:23:42] or I
[00:23:42] was so
[00:23:43] taken
[00:23:43] aback
[00:23:44] or I
[00:23:44] was just
[00:23:45] so
[00:23:46] gaslighted
[00:23:47] like I
[00:23:47] don't
[00:23:47] I couldn't
[00:23:47] tell you
[00:23:48] really
[00:23:48] where
[00:23:49] where it
[00:23:49] all went
[00:23:50] but one
[00:23:50] day
[00:23:51] something
[00:23:51] inside
[00:23:52] of me
[00:23:52] this voice
[00:23:53] or this
[00:23:53] thought
[00:23:53] or something
[00:23:54] just went
[00:23:55] no
[00:23:55] this this
[00:23:56] this is not
[00:23:57] going to be
[00:23:58] your life
[00:23:58] forever
[00:23:59] and if
[00:23:59] you stay
[00:23:59] this is
[00:24:00] going to
[00:24:00] be your
[00:24:00] life
[00:24:01] and your
[00:24:01] son's
[00:24:01] life
[00:24:02] and this
[00:24:03] is just
[00:24:03] he's never
[00:24:03] going to
[00:24:04] change
[00:24:04] it's always
[00:24:05] going to
[00:24:05] be like
[00:24:05] this
[00:24:06] so that's
[00:24:07] when
[00:24:08] yeah
[00:24:09] my
[00:24:09] some
[00:24:10] inner
[00:24:11] voice
[00:24:11] I don't
[00:24:11] know if
[00:24:12] it was
[00:24:12] my mother
[00:24:12] or my
[00:24:13] grandmother
[00:24:13] or my
[00:24:14] doctor
[00:24:14] or my
[00:24:15] nine-year-old
[00:24:16] self
[00:24:16] somebody
[00:24:17] said
[00:24:17] we're not
[00:24:18] doing this
[00:24:19] anymore
[00:24:19] you and
[00:24:20] you're stronger
[00:24:20] than this
[00:24:21] you're stronger
[00:24:22] than him
[00:24:22] so you are
[00:24:23] going to get
[00:24:24] away from
[00:24:24] this little
[00:24:25] bully
[00:24:26] man baby
[00:24:27] who has
[00:24:28] nothing but
[00:24:29] abuse and
[00:24:31] physical
[00:24:31] violence
[00:24:32] we're not
[00:24:33] doing this
[00:24:33] anymore
[00:24:34] so I
[00:24:35] started to
[00:24:35] plan my
[00:24:36] escape
[00:24:36] and it
[00:24:37] took about
[00:24:37] six months
[00:24:38] to plan
[00:24:40] my escape
[00:24:40] and do
[00:24:42] some
[00:24:42] freelance
[00:24:43] writing
[00:24:43] and put
[00:24:45] the money
[00:24:45] in a
[00:24:45] paypal
[00:24:45] account
[00:24:46] and save
[00:24:47] it up
[00:24:47] and then
[00:24:48] just find
[00:24:49] another place
[00:24:50] to live
[00:24:50] and move
[00:24:51] my son
[00:24:52] and myself
[00:24:52] here
[00:24:53] and that
[00:24:54] was uh
[00:24:55] we moved
[00:24:56] here on
[00:24:56] august
[00:24:57] 20th of
[00:24:58] last year
[00:24:58] so just
[00:25:00] over a
[00:25:01] year he
[00:25:01] and I
[00:25:02] have been
[00:25:02] have been
[00:25:04] alone
[00:25:04] and self
[00:25:05] reliant
[00:25:06] and it
[00:25:08] what it
[00:25:08] was the
[00:25:09] it was
[00:25:09] the toughness
[00:25:10] it I
[00:25:11] had forgotten
[00:25:11] who I
[00:25:12] was for
[00:25:13] a while
[00:25:13] but now
[00:25:14] I remember
[00:25:15] and that's
[00:25:16] why I've
[00:25:16] returned to
[00:25:17] writing full
[00:25:18] time and
[00:25:21] um worked
[00:25:22] so hard on
[00:25:22] my healing
[00:25:23] this past
[00:25:23] year because
[00:25:24] there was a
[00:25:25] lot of damage
[00:25:25] to undo
[00:25:26] and it just
[00:25:27] the big part
[00:25:27] of it was
[00:25:28] just reminding
[00:25:28] myself who
[00:25:29] I am
[00:25:30] yeah I love
[00:25:31] that you
[00:25:32] found your
[00:25:32] inner champion
[00:25:33] which is
[00:25:33] you you
[00:25:34] found that
[00:25:35] first champion
[00:25:36] because you
[00:25:36] you are the
[00:25:38] one who's
[00:25:38] been consistent
[00:25:39] through this
[00:25:39] entire journey
[00:25:40] and she
[00:25:41] was lost
[00:25:42] for a while
[00:25:42] wasn't she
[00:25:43] and I'm
[00:25:44] sure I
[00:25:44] mean I
[00:25:44] haven't read
[00:25:45] any of
[00:25:45] your books
[00:25:46] Marisol
[00:25:47] but I'm
[00:25:47] sure you
[00:25:48] have some
[00:25:50] um some
[00:25:51] heroes heroines
[00:25:52] in your book
[00:25:53] that may have
[00:25:54] traveled a
[00:25:55] similar journey
[00:25:56] or elements
[00:25:56] of your journey
[00:25:57] uh through
[00:25:59] through the
[00:25:59] stories that
[00:26:00] you've written
[00:26:00] as well so
[00:26:01] be proud to
[00:26:03] yeah be
[00:26:04] proud to
[00:26:04] celebrate um
[00:26:05] that that
[00:26:06] inner champion
[00:26:07] resurrection and
[00:26:08] and now the
[00:26:09] life that you're
[00:26:09] living the books
[00:26:10] you're writing
[00:26:11] the the life
[00:26:12] you now have
[00:26:13] with your son
[00:26:14] um and I'm
[00:26:15] sure that's
[00:26:16] one that has
[00:26:17] healed itself as
[00:26:18] well and you've
[00:26:19] found that
[00:26:20] happiness together
[00:26:20] and life can
[00:26:22] be as on
[00:26:23] your terms
[00:26:24] um I think
[00:26:25] that it's it's
[00:26:26] it's definitely
[00:26:27] um a huge
[00:26:28] turning point
[00:26:29] but now something
[00:26:30] you have
[00:26:31] full control
[00:26:32] of and and
[00:26:33] can move
[00:26:34] yourself forward
[00:26:35] so in terms
[00:26:37] of the story
[00:26:38] that you've
[00:26:39] told us today
[00:26:40] which I know
[00:26:41] will really
[00:26:42] inspire different
[00:26:43] things in
[00:26:44] different listeners
[00:26:45] who are taking
[00:26:47] away um your
[00:26:48] little pieces
[00:26:49] of advice
[00:26:51] and the ways
[00:26:52] that you have
[00:26:52] got through the
[00:26:53] challenges you've
[00:26:54] faced
[00:26:54] what are three
[00:26:56] can-do tips
[00:26:57] that you
[00:26:58] absolutely live
[00:27:00] by that you
[00:27:00] maybe they're
[00:27:01] non-negotiables
[00:27:02] in your life
[00:27:03] or things
[00:27:03] that just
[00:27:04] you reaffirm
[00:27:05] to yourself
[00:27:06] on a regular
[00:27:07] basis what
[00:27:07] would they be
[00:27:09] well the big
[00:27:10] one is that
[00:27:12] I know that
[00:27:13] none of us
[00:27:13] are in total
[00:27:14] control of our
[00:27:15] lives I mean
[00:27:16] things happen
[00:27:16] but I have
[00:27:18] come to believe
[00:27:19] that I can
[00:27:20] influence
[00:27:21] about 80%
[00:27:23] of my life
[00:27:24] and my future
[00:27:24] by making
[00:27:25] decisions
[00:27:26] today
[00:27:26] for example
[00:27:27] what I eat
[00:27:29] today or
[00:27:30] don't eat
[00:27:30] today will
[00:27:31] have an impact
[00:27:32] on my health
[00:27:33] which will
[00:27:34] make the
[00:27:34] difference in
[00:27:35] 10 or 20
[00:27:35] years so
[00:27:36] that's really
[00:27:37] important
[00:27:38] who I choose
[00:27:39] to let into
[00:27:40] my life
[00:27:40] today or
[00:27:41] spend time
[00:27:42] with today
[00:27:42] will influence
[00:27:44] how I spend
[00:27:45] my time
[00:27:45] what I talk
[00:27:46] about what
[00:27:47] I think
[00:27:47] and that
[00:27:48] will have
[00:27:48] a huge
[00:27:49] impact
[00:27:49] on my
[00:27:49] mental
[00:27:50] health
[00:27:51] so it
[00:27:52] just these
[00:27:52] are just
[00:27:53] small examples
[00:27:54] of day-to-day
[00:27:55] choices that
[00:27:56] I make
[00:27:56] and they
[00:27:58] are going
[00:27:58] in my
[00:27:59] opinion
[00:27:59] they add
[00:28:00] up to
[00:28:00] having
[00:28:01] actual
[00:28:01] control
[00:28:02] or influence
[00:28:03] over about
[00:28:03] 80% of my
[00:28:04] life and
[00:28:05] colluding
[00:28:05] my future
[00:28:06] so that's
[00:28:07] my big
[00:28:07] one
[00:28:07] that's a
[00:28:07] big can
[00:28:08] one which
[00:28:08] is I
[00:28:09] can
[00:28:10] influence
[00:28:10] 80%
[00:28:12] of my
[00:28:12] life
[00:28:12] the other
[00:28:12] 20%
[00:28:13] is things
[00:28:14] like
[00:28:14] disease
[00:28:15] disaster
[00:28:15] accidents
[00:28:16] you can't
[00:28:18] control
[00:28:18] those things
[00:28:19] and nothing
[00:28:20] that you do
[00:28:20] can change
[00:28:21] those things
[00:28:22] the second
[00:28:22] thing that I
[00:28:23] really do
[00:28:23] believe is
[00:28:24] I can
[00:28:25] be better
[00:28:26] tomorrow
[00:28:27] than I am
[00:28:27] today
[00:28:27] and I'll
[00:28:28] be better
[00:28:28] the day
[00:28:29] after that
[00:28:29] again this
[00:28:31] goes back
[00:28:31] to the
[00:28:31] decisions
[00:28:32] that I
[00:28:32] make
[00:28:32] God knows
[00:28:33] I'm not
[00:28:33] perfect
[00:28:34] but I
[00:28:35] can choose
[00:28:36] to drink
[00:28:36] the water
[00:28:37] I can
[00:28:37] choose
[00:28:38] to pick
[00:28:38] up the
[00:28:39] phone
[00:28:39] and check
[00:28:40] on a
[00:28:40] friend
[00:28:40] I can
[00:28:41] choose
[00:28:41] to spend
[00:28:42] time
[00:28:42] with my
[00:28:43] son
[00:28:43] and give
[00:28:43] him lots
[00:28:44] of hugs
[00:28:44] so
[00:28:45] all of
[00:28:46] these
[00:28:46] things
[00:28:46] make me
[00:28:47] better
[00:28:47] tomorrow
[00:28:47] than I
[00:28:48] am
[00:28:48] today
[00:28:48] and the
[00:28:49] third
[00:28:49] thing
[00:28:49] I already
[00:28:50] kind of
[00:28:50] touched
[00:28:50] on
[00:28:51] which is
[00:28:51] I
[00:28:52] can
[00:28:52] change
[00:28:52] my
[00:28:55] mental
[00:28:56] state
[00:28:56] and emotional
[00:28:57] state
[00:28:57] and by
[00:28:58] extension
[00:28:58] physical
[00:28:59] state
[00:28:59] by choosing
[00:29:00] who I
[00:29:01] choose
[00:29:01] to surround
[00:29:02] myself
[00:29:03] with
[00:29:03] who I
[00:29:03] choose
[00:29:04] to
[00:29:04] bring
[00:29:05] into
[00:29:05] my
[00:29:06] life
[00:29:06] who
[00:29:06] I
[00:29:07] let
[00:29:07] have
[00:29:07] access
[00:29:08] to
[00:29:08] me
[00:29:08] because
[00:29:09] one
[00:29:09] thing
[00:29:09] I
[00:29:10] learned
[00:29:10] from
[00:29:10] my
[00:29:10] ex
[00:29:11] is
[00:29:11] if
[00:29:11] you
[00:29:11] let
[00:29:12] the
[00:29:12] wrong
[00:29:12] person
[00:29:12] in
[00:29:13] and you
[00:29:13] give
[00:29:13] them
[00:29:14] your
[00:29:14] energy
[00:29:14] and your
[00:29:15] time
[00:29:15] and your
[00:29:16] love
[00:29:17] and care
[00:29:17] it will
[00:29:18] have a
[00:29:19] huge
[00:29:19] profound
[00:29:20] impact
[00:29:20] on you
[00:29:21] so
[00:29:21] I
[00:29:23] can
[00:29:23] safeguard
[00:29:24] myself
[00:29:25] by really
[00:29:26] choosing
[00:29:27] who I
[00:29:27] let
[00:29:28] into my
[00:29:28] life
[00:29:29] basically
[00:29:30] who I
[00:29:31] allow
[00:29:31] have access
[00:29:32] to me
[00:29:32] I suppose
[00:29:33] is probably
[00:29:33] the best
[00:29:34] way to
[00:29:34] say it
[00:29:35] because
[00:29:35] you don't
[00:29:35] have to
[00:29:36] give everybody
[00:29:36] access
[00:29:37] there's
[00:29:38] this sense
[00:29:38] especially
[00:29:38] as women
[00:29:39] that we
[00:29:39] have to
[00:29:40] people
[00:29:40] please
[00:29:41] and be
[00:29:41] polite
[00:29:41] and we
[00:29:42] have to
[00:29:42] learn
[00:29:42] to say
[00:29:43] you're
[00:29:44] not good
[00:29:44] for me
[00:29:44] you're
[00:29:45] just
[00:29:45] not
[00:29:45] good
[00:29:45] for me
[00:29:46] I
[00:29:46] cannot
[00:29:46] I have
[00:29:47] to limit
[00:29:47] your
[00:29:47] access
[00:29:48] to me
[00:29:48] or
[00:29:49] cut it
[00:29:49] off
[00:29:49] completely
[00:29:50] so those
[00:29:51] are my
[00:29:51] big
[00:29:51] three
[00:29:52] cans
[00:29:52] and
[00:29:53] they all
[00:29:54] filter
[00:29:54] to the
[00:29:54] same
[00:29:55] thing
[00:29:55] which
[00:29:55] is
[00:29:56] decisions
[00:29:57] that I
[00:29:57] make
[00:29:57] today
[00:29:58] will
[00:29:59] have a
[00:29:59] huge
[00:30:00] impact
[00:30:00] on
[00:30:01] my
[00:30:01] future
[00:30:03] in
[00:30:03] every
[00:30:04] way
[00:30:04] so
[00:30:05] it's
[00:30:06] important
[00:30:06] to make
[00:30:07] good
[00:30:07] small
[00:30:07] decisions
[00:30:08] day by
[00:30:09] day
[00:30:10] I
[00:30:10] think
[00:30:10] brilliant
[00:30:11] brilliant
[00:30:12] and
[00:30:13] again
[00:30:14] you know
[00:30:14] all of
[00:30:15] that
[00:30:15] just
[00:30:16] talks
[00:30:16] straight
[00:30:18] through
[00:30:18] the story
[00:30:19] you've
[00:30:19] shared
[00:30:20] but
[00:30:20] they're
[00:30:21] wonderful
[00:30:21] boundaries
[00:30:23] and yet
[00:30:23] your first
[00:30:24] one is
[00:30:24] your
[00:30:25] north star
[00:30:26] that's
[00:30:26] that
[00:30:26] compass
[00:30:27] for you
[00:30:28] isn't
[00:30:28] it
[00:30:28] everything
[00:30:28] else
[00:30:31] navigates
[00:30:31] from
[00:30:33] there
[00:30:33] back
[00:30:34] to
[00:30:34] there
[00:30:34] but
[00:30:35] the
[00:30:35] other
[00:30:36] two
[00:30:36] are
[00:30:36] real
[00:30:37] boundaries
[00:30:38] that
[00:30:38] you
[00:30:38] set
[00:30:39] in
[00:30:39] your
[00:30:39] life
[00:30:39] so
[00:30:39] that
[00:30:40] you
[00:30:40] can
[00:30:40] say
[00:30:40] I'm
[00:30:40] going
[00:30:40] to
[00:30:41] be
[00:30:41] better
[00:30:41] tomorrow
[00:30:41] than
[00:30:42] I
[00:30:42] was
[00:30:42] today
[00:30:42] and
[00:30:43] I
[00:30:43] have
[00:30:44] the
[00:30:44] opportunity
[00:30:44] to
[00:30:45] safeguard
[00:30:45] myself
[00:30:46] and
[00:30:48] to
[00:30:48] give
[00:30:49] access
[00:30:49] to
[00:30:50] those
[00:30:50] that
[00:30:51] are
[00:30:51] going
[00:30:51] to
[00:30:51] take
[00:30:52] me
[00:30:52] forward
[00:30:53] in
[00:30:53] the
[00:30:53] way
[00:30:53] that
[00:30:53] I
[00:30:53] want
[00:30:54] them
[00:30:54] to
[00:30:54] so
[00:30:54] I
[00:30:55] love
[00:30:55] those
[00:30:55] three
[00:30:57] for
[00:30:57] people
[00:30:58] to
[00:30:58] take
[00:30:58] away
[00:30:59] and
[00:30:59] think
[00:30:59] about
[00:30:59] how
[00:31:00] does
[00:31:00] that
[00:31:00] resonate
[00:31:00] with
[00:31:01] them
[00:31:01] in
[00:31:01] their
[00:31:01] lives
[00:31:02] as
[00:31:02] well
[00:31:02] and
[00:31:02] what
[00:31:03] are
[00:31:03] those
[00:31:03] small
[00:31:04] changes
[00:31:04] maybe
[00:31:05] they
[00:31:05] can
[00:31:05] take
[00:31:06] that
[00:31:06] they
[00:31:07] can
[00:31:07] bring
[00:31:07] about
[00:31:08] some
[00:31:08] change
[00:31:08] into
[00:31:09] their
[00:31:09] life
[00:31:09] as
[00:31:09] well
[00:31:10] so
[00:31:11] the
[00:31:11] last
[00:31:11] question
[00:31:12] I
[00:31:12] think
[00:31:13] we
[00:31:14] get
[00:31:14] so
[00:31:14] overwhelmed
[00:31:15] thinking
[00:31:15] about
[00:31:16] if
[00:31:17] I
[00:31:17] lost
[00:31:17] 50
[00:31:18] pounds
[00:31:18] I
[00:31:18] would
[00:31:18] actually
[00:31:19] be
[00:31:19] much
[00:31:19] healthier
[00:31:20] better
[00:31:20] for
[00:31:20] my
[00:31:20] heart
[00:31:21] better
[00:31:21] for
[00:31:21] my
[00:31:21] joints
[00:31:22] all
[00:31:22] of
[00:31:22] that
[00:31:22] but
[00:31:23] it's
[00:31:23] so
[00:31:23] huge
[00:31:24] to
[00:31:24] think
[00:31:24] about
[00:31:24] 50
[00:31:25] pounds
[00:31:25] so
[00:31:26] you
[00:31:26] don't
[00:31:26] think
[00:31:26] about
[00:31:27] that
[00:31:27] instead
[00:31:27] you
[00:31:27] think
[00:31:27] you
[00:31:28] know
[00:31:28] what
[00:31:28] I
[00:31:28] will
[00:31:29] not
[00:31:30] have
[00:31:30] the
[00:31:30] dessert
[00:31:30] after
[00:31:31] dinner
[00:31:31] tonight
[00:31:32] and
[00:31:32] then
[00:31:32] again
[00:31:33] tomorrow
[00:31:33] night
[00:31:33] and
[00:31:34] then
[00:31:34] I'll
[00:31:35] try
[00:31:35] to
[00:31:35] walk
[00:31:35] a
[00:31:35] little
[00:31:35] bit
[00:31:36] so
[00:31:36] if
[00:31:37] you
[00:31:38] don't
[00:31:38] think
[00:31:38] about
[00:31:39] the
[00:31:39] big
[00:31:39] scary
[00:31:42] end
[00:31:42] result
[00:31:43] or
[00:31:43] I
[00:31:43] really
[00:31:44] want
[00:31:44] to
[00:31:44] buy
[00:31:44] a
[00:31:44] house
[00:31:45] one
[00:31:45] day
[00:31:45] but
[00:31:45] I
[00:31:46] need
[00:31:46] X
[00:31:47] amount
[00:31:47] of
[00:31:47] money
[00:31:47] for
[00:31:47] a
[00:31:47] down
[00:31:48] payment
[00:31:48] I
[00:31:48] don't
[00:31:49] have
[00:31:49] that
[00:31:49] money
[00:31:49] that's
[00:31:50] so
[00:31:50] much
[00:31:50] money
[00:31:50] well
[00:31:51] maybe
[00:31:52] take
[00:31:52] the
[00:31:52] thermos
[00:31:53] of
[00:31:53] coffee
[00:31:53] to
[00:31:54] work
[00:31:54] three
[00:31:54] days
[00:31:55] a
[00:31:55] week
[00:31:55] and
[00:31:55] skip
[00:31:56] the
[00:31:56] Starbucks
[00:31:56] you
[00:31:57] know
[00:31:57] so
[00:31:57] it's
[00:31:58] these
[00:31:58] little
[00:31:58] things
[00:31:59] that
[00:31:59] can
[00:32:00] have
[00:32:00] they
[00:32:00] add
[00:32:01] up
[00:32:01] to
[00:32:01] huge
[00:32:01] impact
[00:32:02] and
[00:32:02] it's
[00:32:03] it's
[00:32:04] such a
[00:32:04] trite
[00:32:05] I think
[00:32:05] almost
[00:32:06] comical
[00:32:07] cliche
[00:32:08] to say
[00:32:08] it
[00:32:08] but
[00:32:09] I
[00:32:10] do
[00:32:10] know
[00:32:10] it's
[00:32:11] true
[00:32:11] I
[00:32:11] do
[00:32:12] know
[00:32:12] it's
[00:32:12] true
[00:32:12] because
[00:32:13] every
[00:32:13] tiny
[00:32:14] freelance
[00:32:15] writing
[00:32:15] assignment
[00:32:16] that I
[00:32:16] took
[00:32:16] for
[00:32:16] 20
[00:32:17] pounds
[00:32:17] 50
[00:32:18] pounds
[00:32:18] 75
[00:32:18] pounds
[00:32:19] put
[00:32:20] it
[00:32:20] in
[00:32:20] the
[00:32:20] PayPal
[00:32:20] didn't
[00:32:21] touch
[00:32:21] it
[00:32:22] and
[00:32:22] that
[00:32:22] was
[00:32:22] my
[00:32:23] escape
[00:32:23] fund
[00:32:23] and
[00:32:24] I
[00:32:24] saw
[00:32:24] how
[00:32:25] just
[00:32:25] those
[00:32:25] little
[00:32:26] little
[00:32:26] increments
[00:32:28] added
[00:32:28] up
[00:32:28] to
[00:32:29] what
[00:32:29] is
[00:32:29] now
[00:32:30] a
[00:32:30] year
[00:32:30] and
[00:32:31] a
[00:32:31] half
[00:32:31] later
[00:32:31] a
[00:32:32] complete
[00:32:33] life
[00:32:33] of
[00:32:33] freedom
[00:32:33] and
[00:32:36] triumph
[00:32:36] and
[00:32:37] victory
[00:32:37] but
[00:32:38] I
[00:32:39] did
[00:32:39] it
[00:32:39] 20
[00:32:39] pounds
[00:32:40] at
[00:32:40] a
[00:32:40] time
[00:32:40] so
[00:32:41] at
[00:32:42] the
[00:32:42] time
[00:32:42] it
[00:32:43] felt
[00:32:43] like
[00:32:44] trying
[00:32:44] to
[00:32:44] crawl
[00:32:45] out
[00:32:45] of
[00:32:45] a
[00:32:47] it
[00:32:48] happened
[00:32:49] so
[00:32:49] that's
[00:32:50] why
[00:32:50] I
[00:32:50] honestly
[00:32:51] believe
[00:32:51] it's
[00:32:52] the
[00:32:52] small
[00:32:52] things
[00:32:52] that
[00:32:53] add
[00:32:53] up
[00:32:54] to
[00:32:54] the
[00:32:54] massive
[00:32:56] triumphs
[00:32:57] yes
[00:32:58] I
[00:32:58] couldn't
[00:32:58] agree
[00:32:58] with
[00:32:59] you
[00:32:59] more
[00:32:59] it's
[00:32:59] something
[00:32:59] I
[00:33:00] always
[00:33:01] encourage
[00:33:02] my
[00:33:02] coaching
[00:33:03] clients
[00:33:04] is
[00:33:04] 1%
[00:33:05] you
[00:33:05] can
[00:33:05] make
[00:33:06] 1%
[00:33:06] of
[00:33:07] change
[00:33:07] rather
[00:33:08] than
[00:33:08] the
[00:33:08] 100%
[00:33:08] that
[00:33:09] it
[00:33:09] looks
[00:33:09] like
[00:33:09] the
[00:33:09] full
[00:33:10] piece
[00:33:10] as
[00:33:10] you
[00:33:10] said
[00:33:11] and
[00:33:12] your
[00:33:12] description
[00:33:12] was
[00:33:13] brilliant
[00:33:13] as
[00:33:13] well
[00:33:13] so
[00:33:14] small
[00:33:14] steps
[00:33:14] lead
[00:33:15] to
[00:33:15] big
[00:33:16] successes
[00:33:16] so
[00:33:18] my
[00:33:18] final
[00:33:18] question
[00:33:19] for
[00:33:19] you
[00:33:19] then
[00:33:19] Marisol
[00:33:20] is
[00:33:20] how
[00:33:20] would
[00:33:21] you
[00:33:21] describe
[00:33:21] the
[00:33:21] opportunity
[00:33:22] of
[00:33:23] a
[00:33:23] can
[00:33:23] do
[00:33:23] mindset
[00:33:25] the
[00:33:25] opportunity
[00:33:26] of
[00:33:26] it
[00:33:27] well
[00:33:28] it's
[00:33:28] a
[00:33:29] boundless
[00:33:29] opportunity
[00:33:30] isn't
[00:33:30] it
[00:33:31] in
[00:33:31] the
[00:33:31] sense
[00:33:31] that
[00:33:32] how
[00:33:33] you
[00:33:34] think
[00:33:37] how
[00:33:38] you
[00:33:39] think
[00:33:39] how
[00:33:43] you
[00:33:43] think
[00:33:44] how
[00:33:47] you
[00:33:48] how
[00:33:50] you
[00:33:51] think
[00:33:51] how
[00:33:52] you
[00:33:53] think
[00:33:53] think
[00:33:53] how
[00:33:54] you
[00:33:54] think
[00:33:54] influences
[00:33:55] how
[00:33:55] you
[00:33:56] feel
[00:33:56] so
[00:33:57] if
[00:33:57] you
[00:33:57] think
[00:33:58] that
[00:33:58] this
[00:33:59] is
[00:33:59] hopeless
[00:33:59] and
[00:34:00] I'm
[00:34:00] pathetic
[00:34:00] and
[00:34:01] nothing
[00:34:01] will
[00:34:01] ever
[00:34:01] change
[00:34:02] you're
[00:34:02] going
[00:34:02] to
[00:34:03] feel
[00:34:03] hopeless
[00:34:04] and
[00:34:04] depressed
[00:34:04] and
[00:34:05] non
[00:34:05] motivated
[00:34:06] so
[00:34:07] what
[00:34:08] you
[00:34:08] think
[00:34:08] about
[00:34:08] changes
[00:34:09] how
[00:34:09] you
[00:34:10] feel
[00:34:10] about
[00:34:10] it
[00:34:10] and
[00:34:11] then
[00:34:11] how
[00:34:11] you
[00:34:11] feel
[00:34:12] influences
[00:34:13] your
[00:34:13] actions
[00:34:13] because
[00:34:14] when
[00:34:14] you're
[00:34:14] depressed
[00:34:14] or
[00:34:15] non
[00:34:15] motivated
[00:34:16] you
[00:34:16] don't
[00:34:16] do
[00:34:16] anything
[00:34:17] when
[00:34:18] you
[00:34:18] feel
[00:34:18] the
[00:34:18] opposite
[00:34:19] you
[00:34:19] physically
[00:34:20] move
[00:34:20] and
[00:34:21] you
[00:34:21] have
[00:34:21] energy
[00:34:22] and
[00:34:23] then
[00:34:23] you
[00:34:24] just
[00:34:25] you
[00:34:25] know
[00:34:25] you
[00:34:25] get
[00:34:25] up
[00:34:25] and
[00:34:26] you
[00:34:26] go
[00:34:26] for
[00:34:26] a
[00:34:26] walk
[00:34:26] twice
[00:34:27] a
[00:34:27] week
[00:34:27] because
[00:34:28] you
[00:34:28] have
[00:34:28] the
[00:34:29] energy
[00:34:29] and
[00:34:29] you
[00:34:29] have
[00:34:30] the
[00:34:30] thoughts
[00:34:30] and
[00:34:30] you
[00:34:30] have
[00:34:31] the
[00:34:31] emotional
[00:34:31] strength
[00:34:32] and
[00:34:33] then
[00:34:33] you
[00:34:34] feel
[00:34:34] physically
[00:34:34] better
[00:34:35] and
[00:34:35] then
[00:34:35] that's
[00:34:36] one
[00:34:36] of
[00:34:36] those
[00:34:37] small
[00:34:37] incremental
[00:34:38] changes
[00:34:38] you make
[00:34:39] on a
[00:34:39] daily
[00:34:39] basis
[00:34:41] that
[00:34:41] changes
[00:34:42] your
[00:34:43] future
[00:34:43] and
[00:34:43] then
[00:34:43] you
[00:34:44] look
[00:34:44] up
[00:34:44] one
[00:34:44] day
[00:34:44] and
[00:34:44] you
[00:34:44] think
[00:34:45] I've
[00:34:45] lost
[00:34:45] 20
[00:34:46] pounds
[00:34:46] or
[00:34:46] I've
[00:34:47] saved
[00:34:48] five
[00:34:48] thousand
[00:34:48] dollars
[00:34:49] or
[00:34:50] I've
[00:34:51] left
[00:34:51] him
[00:34:52] and
[00:34:52] built
[00:34:52] a whole
[00:34:52] new
[00:34:53] life
[00:34:53] or
[00:34:53] I
[00:34:54] haven't
[00:34:55] published
[00:34:55] a book
[00:34:55] in
[00:34:56] three
[00:34:56] years
[00:34:57] because
[00:34:57] I
[00:34:57] was
[00:34:58] in
[00:34:58] this
[00:34:58] horrible
[00:34:58] relationship
[00:34:59] but
[00:34:59] I've
[00:34:59] just
[00:35:08] and
[00:35:08] if
[00:35:09] you
[00:35:09] shift
[00:35:10] your
[00:35:10] mindset
[00:35:10] even
[00:35:11] a
[00:35:11] fraction
[00:35:12] and
[00:35:13] then
[00:35:13] act
[00:35:13] on
[00:35:14] how
[00:35:14] you
[00:35:14] feel
[00:35:15] about
[00:35:15] it
[00:35:15] you
[00:35:16] will
[00:35:17] I
[00:35:17] promise
[00:35:17] you
[00:35:18] see
[00:35:18] big
[00:35:19] changes
[00:35:19] the
[00:35:20] problem
[00:35:20] is
[00:35:20] it
[00:35:20] takes
[00:35:21] time
[00:35:21] and
[00:35:21] people
[00:35:22] get
[00:35:22] impatient
[00:35:22] so
[00:35:24] I
[00:35:24] would
[00:35:25] really
[00:35:25] counsel
[00:35:25] the
[00:35:26] whole
[00:35:26] can-do
[00:35:27] mindset
[00:35:27] the
[00:35:28] opportunity
[00:35:28] is
[00:35:29] to
[00:35:29] learn
[00:35:29] some
[00:35:30] patience
[00:35:30] and
[00:35:30] some
[00:35:31] grace
[00:35:31] for
[00:35:31] yourself
[00:35:32] as
[00:35:32] well
[00:35:33] because
[00:35:35] it's
[00:35:35] one
[00:35:36] thing
[00:35:36] to
[00:35:36] think
[00:35:37] it
[00:35:37] and
[00:35:37] act
[00:35:37] on
[00:35:38] it
[00:35:38] and
[00:35:38] it's
[00:35:38] something
[00:35:38] else
[00:35:39] to
[00:35:39] say
[00:35:40] I
[00:35:40] have
[00:35:41] done
[00:35:41] everything
[00:35:41] I
[00:35:41] can
[00:35:41] today
[00:35:42] I
[00:35:42] will
[00:35:43] carry
[00:35:43] on
[00:35:43] tomorrow
[00:35:44] and
[00:35:45] it
[00:35:45] will
[00:35:45] come
[00:35:46] so
[00:35:46] it
[00:35:47] does
[00:35:47] take
[00:35:47] some
[00:35:48] patience
[00:35:49] and
[00:35:49] you
[00:35:49] make
[00:35:49] mistakes
[00:35:50] and
[00:35:50] that's
[00:35:51] where
[00:35:51] the
[00:35:51] grace
[00:35:51] comes
[00:35:51] in
[00:35:52] you
[00:35:52] say
[00:35:52] I
[00:35:52] wasn't
[00:35:53] at
[00:35:53] my
[00:35:53] best
[00:35:53] today
[00:35:53] I'll
[00:35:54] try
[00:35:54] again
[00:35:54] tomorrow
[00:35:54] it's
[00:35:55] fine
[00:35:55] yes
[00:35:56] so
[00:35:57] that's
[00:35:57] why
[00:35:57] I
[00:35:58] think
[00:35:58] it's
[00:35:58] boundless
[00:35:59] that's
[00:35:59] why
[00:35:59] I
[00:35:59] think
[00:36:00] it's
[00:36:00] it's
[00:36:00] so
[00:36:00] open
[00:36:01] to
[00:36:01] so
[00:36:03] much
[00:36:03] strength
[00:36:04] and
[00:36:05] positivity
[00:36:06] and
[00:36:07] just
[00:36:07] wonderful
[00:36:08] results
[00:36:08] that
[00:36:08] you
[00:36:09] can't
[00:36:09] see
[00:36:09] coming
[00:36:10] because
[00:36:10] a year
[00:36:10] and a half
[00:36:11] ago
[00:36:11] when I
[00:36:11] decided
[00:36:12] to start
[00:36:12] doing
[00:36:13] freelance
[00:36:13] writing
[00:36:14] not
[00:36:14] writing
[00:36:14] a book
[00:36:15] you know
[00:36:15] not
[00:36:16] writing
[00:36:16] a romance
[00:36:16] book
[00:36:17] just
[00:36:17] little
[00:36:17] freelance
[00:36:18] assignments
[00:36:20] it felt
[00:36:21] like such
[00:36:21] a
[00:36:22] defeat
[00:36:22] to start
[00:36:23] from that
[00:36:23] point
[00:36:24] after having
[00:36:25] lived off
[00:36:25] the royalties
[00:36:26] I had
[00:36:26] and earned
[00:36:27] the royalties
[00:36:27] I had
[00:36:27] it felt
[00:36:28] like such
[00:36:28] a
[00:36:29] pathetic
[00:36:30] kind of
[00:36:30] oh
[00:36:31] this is
[00:36:31] what I've
[00:36:31] been reduced
[00:36:32] to
[00:36:32] but I
[00:36:33] switched
[00:36:33] into my
[00:36:33] mind
[00:36:34] I
[00:36:34] thought
[00:36:34] no
[00:36:34] this
[00:36:35] is
[00:36:35] my
[00:36:35] first
[00:36:35] step
[00:36:35] towards
[00:36:36] getting
[00:36:36] away
[00:36:36] from
[00:36:37] him
[00:36:37] and
[00:36:37] having
[00:36:38] a
[00:36:38] better
[00:36:38] life
[00:36:38] and
[00:36:39] that's
[00:36:39] what
[00:36:40] I
[00:36:40] did
[00:36:40] so
[00:36:41] you
[00:36:41] can't
[00:36:42] always
[00:36:42] see
[00:36:42] it
[00:36:43] when
[00:36:43] you're
[00:36:43] in
[00:36:43] it
[00:36:43] you
[00:36:44] have
[00:36:44] to
[00:36:44] have
[00:36:45] a
[00:36:45] little
[00:36:46] bit
[00:36:46] of
[00:36:46] faith
[00:36:46] indeed
[00:36:47] indeed
[00:36:48] well it's
[00:36:49] been such
[00:36:49] a pleasure
[00:36:50] to talk
[00:36:51] to you
[00:36:51] today
[00:36:51] Marisol
[00:36:52] and I
[00:36:53] will put
[00:36:54] some
[00:36:54] connections
[00:36:55] to you
[00:36:56] in the
[00:36:57] show notes
[00:36:58] as well
[00:36:59] so that
[00:36:59] people can
[00:37:00] get to
[00:37:01] see your
[00:37:01] books
[00:37:02] your
[00:37:03] best
[00:37:03] selling
[00:37:04] series
[00:37:04] as well
[00:37:05] and also
[00:37:06] they can
[00:37:07] find out
[00:37:08] more about
[00:37:08] you
[00:37:09] and
[00:37:09] I
[00:37:10] just
[00:37:10] once again
[00:37:11] like to
[00:37:11] say
[00:37:11] thank you
[00:37:12] so much
[00:37:12] for being
[00:37:13] a guest
[00:37:13] and sharing
[00:37:14] your story
[00:37:14] on the
[00:37:15] can
[00:37:15] do
[00:37:15] way
[00:37:15] thank
[00:37:16] you
[00:37:17] gail
[00:37:17] it's
[00:37:17] been
[00:37:17] a lot
[00:37:17] of
[00:37:17] fun
[00:37:18] you've
[00:37:18] been
[00:37:18] a great
[00:37:18] host
[00:37:19] thank
[00:37:19] you
[00:37:20] thank
[00:37:21] you for
[00:37:21] listening
[00:37:21] to my
[00:37:22] podcast
[00:37:22] the
[00:37:22] can
[00:37:43] always
[00:37:44] always
[00:37:44] always
[00:37:44] curious
[00:37:44] and
[00:37:45] with
[00:37:45] an
[00:37:45] insatiable
[00:37:46] appetite
[00:37:46] for a
[00:37:47] good
[00:37:47] yarn
[00:37:47] I
[00:37:48] invite
[00:37:49] you
[00:37:49] to
[00:37:50] be
[00:37:50] a
[00:37:50] guest
[00:37:50] on my
[00:37:51] weekly
[00:37:51] show
[00:37:51] if you
[00:37:52] have an
[00:37:52] inspiring
[00:37:53] perspective
[00:37:54] a life
[00:37:55] changing
[00:37:55] experience
[00:37:56] or an
[00:37:56] intriguing
[00:37:57] story
[00:37:57] to
[00:37:58] share
[00:37:58] then
[00:37:59] drop
[00:37:59] me
[00:38:00] an
[00:38:00] email
[00:38:00] at
[00:38:01] gail
[00:38:01] m
[00:38:01] gibson
[00:38:02] dot
[00:38:02] com
[00:38:03] until
[00:38:04] next
[00:38:04] week's
[00:38:04] show
[00:38:05] do
[00:38:05] share
[00:38:05] the
[00:38:06] inspiration
[00:38:06] of the
[00:38:07] can
[00:38:07] do
[00:38:07] way
[00:38:07] podcast
[00:38:08] with
[00:38:08] your
[00:38:09] friends
[00:38:09] colleagues
[00:38:10] and
[00:38:10] clients
[00:38:11] and
[00:38:12] wherever
[00:38:12] you are
[00:38:12] listening
[00:38:13] from
[00:38:13] in the
[00:38:13] world
[00:38:14] remember
[00:38:15] to make
[00:38:16] every day
[00:38:17] an amazing
[00:38:18] can
[00:38:18] do
[00:38:19] day
[00:38:19] I
[00:38:19] I
[00:38:19] I
[00:38:19] I
[00:38:19] I
[00:38:19] I