Raising Teens Today: Conversations and Boundaries

[00:00:08] Kiran, you are looking fresh as a daisy today, what gives? Fresh as a daisy or fresh as a petunia?

[00:00:15] A wildflower more like it because I had a nice long nap in the car and when I woke up we had passed our turn and we were hurtling towards BKC. I have a new driver and I had WhatsApp him at the location.

[00:00:30] But because I was sleeping this gentleman who had not received the WhatsApp for whatever reason did not seem it even fit to wake me up. Are you serious? So he kept driving?

[00:00:40] He kept driving straight when I opened my eyes suddenly we were at the turn to a Chetna college and wherever we arrived this doesn't look like Ideabrews. And then he said I didn't want to wake you up because you were sleeping.

[00:00:50] So my sleep deprivation has reached a new driver. That's so cute very considerate driver, he is better than some husbands. So it was good that I didn't wake up when we reached Naraman point or something. I know, right? I got it straight.

[00:01:01] Kiran I wanted to start a conversation today with a question for you. Suppose your son is in grade 9 or 10 and some children from his class are going to somebody's farmhouse in Pawna without an adult accompanying them. There are boys and girls both.

[00:01:21] Would you send him for a overnight trip? No. And the reason being? If there are no adults accompanying them I will not send him. And until what age does this rule apply? I have kept it until 18.

[00:01:37] Yeah, so I think I have similar rules and sometimes I realize that there are two different discussions of course there's boundaries and there's permissiveness. I realize that parents today are very permissive and it puts a pressure on the parent who's not that permissive to be permissive. Absolutely.

[00:01:54] So you know when kids are planning such getaways I have a very strict mandate about this that you cannot stay over. You can go in the day with a company by a house hair shop and there's someone to generally

[00:02:10] watch over you while you're around kids can slip and fall or whatever and I have no trust issues. So it's got nothing to do with being concerned what the child will be up to. That's not even a zero concern, it's not even in the minus.

[00:02:21] I mean it's in the minus perhaps but it is there are other kids and there are you can have an injury and there are many other things that can happen. Burglars can break into the house realizing there are only kids there.

[00:02:33] Of course boys and girls in the same house as a mother of daughters are you are protective enough. But I find that a lot of parents sort of have a very chilled out approach towards this

[00:02:44] and they say no I've had all discussions with my son, I've spoken to my daughter, we talk openly about everything, I'm perfectly confident sending my child. You may be perfectly confident about sending your child but you can't be perfectly confident

[00:02:57] about the world around your child. That's exactly what I say and you know I was brought up like a weed, I used to stay out at anybody's house anytime my mother was just so happy that I was

[00:03:08] not in her hair as long as they called up, we didn't have a phone at home, I would just call up the neighbor and leave a message and I'm staying at ex-friend's house and it was fine.

[00:03:16] I know that I ever abused that freedom that she gave me but I don't know why I've become such a protective and paranoid parent. You don't allow sleepovers at a friend's house in town?

[00:03:28] In town, in the city with parents I know. Yes, absolutely but going out of town where I can't reach you within an hour of driving and with a bunch of friends who are as crazy and

[00:03:42] disorganized as you, no I'm sorry. We need adults around. No, no I have the same thing and I sometimes feel that I'm being too cautious or strict but then it doesn't sit well with me otherwise if I'm going

[00:03:54] to be panicking while my child is doing some sort of an overnight or somewhere, I think even with a shepherd and who is not a parent I will not allow an overnight so. I'll be the one driving

[00:04:07] behind them. As one of the parents I'm saying that like someone says that you know send your nanny along or whatever your child is 16 or 17. I think that till they're old enough to really take care of themselves one cannot but when did you first have a conversation with

[00:04:24] Krish about the birds and the bees? I can't think of the first. I think we've always had conversations about bodily consent and agency from the time he was little because you know this is getting a little serious now but I did run an initiative called child sexual abuse

[00:04:42] awareness. I remember and I think we've all most of us at least have gone through some incident or the other in our childhood and you want to make sure that you know we were not told anything,

[00:04:53] we were just so naive about things. You just want to make sure that your kid has some information and knows you know what is the good touch, bad touch, etc. etc. and I think I've done it

[00:05:06] so well because I was in a meeting once so any important presentation and the call Krish was staying over at my mom's place he was around three I think at that time

[00:05:17] and repeated calls from my mom on my mobile and then I panicked first I ignored it and I said excuse me I have to take this call took the call my mom very weary and exhausted

[00:05:29] please tell your son to let me wash his butt. This is such a bad touch and then my son comes on the phone and I give him the phone. Nada is touching my bum you said no one has to touch

[00:05:41] his bum. How cute. How cute. The message has gone through. That's well done. So these conversations have been happening and they keep on happening so as you know age appropriate in age appropriate ways

[00:05:54] so hopefully he's been well informed I don't know. My mom had that conversation with us when we were very young. That's good. She used to watch us like a hawk. Okay that's lovely. And

[00:06:06] one day she told me recently she shared this with me so we were in an army cantonment which you as you know are very very safe there are sentries everywhere wide roads hardly any traffic lots of

[00:06:18] trees and there are people around as in there are you know people's homes around do they sort rather quiet and this one time my mom says I was you know on roller skates or walking the

[00:06:28] dog one of the things I was on my own and I must have been 12 at the time for 13 and she says that she suspected that one batman or orderly as they're called somebody else's orderly

[00:06:43] was following me on a bicycle who a guy wasn't but she would she noticed him passed by a main gate just after I had left her house. She took her car and she went spying and I have no idea of this

[00:06:58] so I don't know what speed the car was doing and then only once she was convinced that this guy is not actually stalking me did she sort of come back home. So mom was very very cautious about that but

[00:07:09] there was no question of conversing like there was she was squeamish talking about sex so she would talk about abuse she would talk about somebody violating your you know physical space and don't like and there was no good touch bad touch everything was bad touch yeah any touch

[00:07:29] was bad touch which was good in a way I think yeah any touch was bad touch except your father your mother and you're like that's it you know siblings so I think I was always cautious

[00:07:39] and it you know did serve me but I don't know why parents at the time were not openly talking about sex it was such a taboo even today I think that that entire generation of parents would

[00:07:51] you know want to believe that the kids are still you know basically virgins and the kids had kids true immaculate conception correct yeah so my mom was I don't know whether it was squeamish or what

[00:08:05] but she had a book which she got from somewhere the moment I got my period which was at age nine my god you were quite an early I was terribly early horribly early and I'm horribly late also

[00:08:18] as you know so she got a book by I forget who it was a doctor it says everything you wanted to know about sex but were free to ask and she handed it to me and she said read this at nine

[00:08:32] at nine so I went into all the technicalities of all bodily parts and all the diagrams which were very progressive yeah which were deemed and I was a reader you know I was very progressive

[00:08:43] of your mom that is very progressive but it is also very scary because it put me off sex for the rest of many many years you figured it all out at age nine yeah oh dear god so while the

[00:08:52] rest of my friends were talking about how you could kiss and get pregnant and you know you have to like sperm has to enter vagina and you know ovary biolescence yeah full I was giving them biolescence

[00:09:03] before they biohead daughters all this and they did not know what I was talking about but it was scary to have so much information at an age where I was not really ready for it

[00:09:13] yeah I mean I was very late to be informed which is also blessing yeah perhaps in those days you could get away with that but my girls I think that one day I did you have the talk with them

[00:09:25] no I good touch bad touch we all did from a very very young age and then you know they would all say where do babies come from and then that same nonsense that you pray to god and you

[00:09:36] get a baby you tell a four five year old that and then one day someone bought my daughters and I said that listen I want to tell you because there was a case of some child that my younger

[00:09:48] kid knew who was actually adopted but the parents hadn't told her and then she found out in a very rude manner some school kid went and tackled and teased her about it and said do you know

[00:09:58] your mother's not your real mother that's your father's second where when your real mother doesn't exist and this kid came crying and it became a really sad thing so my younger one began

[00:10:08] to wonder if she was adopted as well oh lord okay and I'm talking about she was in grade one at the time or two so she said that mama are you sure I came from your stomach are you sure I came

[00:10:20] from your stomach so I said you did so she did show me where are the marks so then I said now it's time to tell her that I wasn't cut open it would have been simpler than the conversation

[00:10:29] if I had some stitches so I said no no you really did and she started having a tantrum that there are no marks on your stomach clearly I didn't come and I'm also adopted so I said okay

[00:10:38] go call your sister today we'll have this conversation okay so if I was apart so if Rania how old are you when you're in grade one six six seven yeah six or seven so if she was six then

[00:10:50] the older one was uh I guess 11 12 so I said that listen I need to talk to both of you about something and sit down so I said look I need to tell you that there are children are not given

[00:11:03] just by god like that and I told them about the whole process of it very mechanically and then I said that some people have to go through a C-section but some people give births from the birth canal

[00:11:13] so Zana burst out laughing she said all news all news stay news so I looked at her you know I was stunned I said how do you know she's the mama you're forgetting she named one kid

[00:11:25] she said that kid was in my class I've known all of this since I was Rania's age so you know breaking news to you that your kids know this already Rania didn't know and she was a little

[00:11:35] consoled after that oh lord but it really helps me because Dara is older by five years and you know sometimes she assists me in these conversations that's nice and then one day it was really

[00:11:49] cute actually Rania said that mama I need to tell you something and I say what happened she said today I use the F word so this is again around the same time so I said oh what did you say

[00:12:02] she said I said a few bad things and I really am feeling guilty I want to talk to you about it so I said what did you say she said I said flip I said oh okay that's fine I'm laughing

[00:12:13] then she said I said one more very bad word it starts with D so I said I'm thinking of all the bad was starting me too nothing's coming to mind she said I said damn oh lord she's an angel

[00:12:25] this time so that I said damn is also fine okay then she said I said the C word can you just see this is you know this is not a reader's edges joke this is where I said my god DC it's all coming

[00:12:38] in the sequence so she said I said what is the C word she said I said crap okay she's a very sanitized version I know this is so cute I was like wondering when she grows up I've

[00:12:50] written this somewhere the whole anecdote I've seen between some file on my dropbox they're wondering when she's you know old enough I'll tell her what all these words you know what she was really

[00:12:59] petrified speaking so I've just been very careful like the clear language you have to be which reminds me of a similar anecdote with Krish so when he was very young he must have

[00:13:08] been I don't know three or four or five maybe the song came out Park DK was yeah and I kept telling him you can't sing this song out loud when you're in public because it has some bad words in it so he

[00:13:23] pondered over it for a long while then he comes to me mama I know what the bad word is DK so that's it yes that's the bad word you cannot sing it loud don't you dare sing it loud so cute

[00:13:36] I miss that yeah and now when he peppers every sentence with you know punctuation full stop comma apostrophe with bad words I miss that time yeah I really miss that time you know may I say that the

[00:13:47] Hindi bad words I didn't know what they meant until I was much older because in an army I know people say you're a Punjabi how did you not know because Punjabi is pepper there language with

[00:13:56] a lot of mcs and bcs but my father was in the army they never used that you know they said bloody for everything and damn and bloody right kiss on my bloody nose yeah so I never for anything

[00:14:08] and my father never never never goes to abuse and my grandparents also very genteel and urban so I didn't know I mean by the time I figured this out I still thought it was something really

[00:14:20] quite different so people thought that I feigned this I wasn't that nice that I was I'm feigning this naivete but I wasn't if I didn't genuinely was stupid and naive and ignorant so the thing I

[00:14:32] keep doing with Chris is because these bad words are so women centric it's all maa bhenki kali yeah whenever he's been saying then I will say the father brother version of it yes and then he

[00:14:44] said mama don't bring your feminism into this I said why not why are you yeah like when women call somebody a scene why are you using your own body part in making an abuse of that call

[00:14:54] somebody a dick if you have to absolutely yeah and so it grows I grew up in a house with a woman my mother my dad passed away very young I had no experience of boys and what they go through

[00:15:08] in adolescence so when Chris was hitting puberty I knew the talk had to be had now my husband to ask him to have a talk with Chris was like get your gonads out so that was not happening

[00:15:24] what do you do so I would explain to her very carefully you know Chris you know sometimes this might happen to you in the night don't get up don't get upset it's perfectly normal oh my god

[00:15:36] mama I know I said okay I'm a little late to the party they know everything before you but you know because they have they have access to YouTube and phones that's the thing and the moment

[00:15:49] now the challenges in our parents time the challenge was to expose us to the facts of life now the challenge is to at least hold them off until a certain age yeah and anything happens

[00:16:00] to them they immediately googling up what's this yeah coming up with worst case scenarios like what this this measurement is okay what are you measuring now this time hold on you don't need to measure stuff now that's really funny this time Kiran you should write a handbook

[00:16:18] on this I mean your 18th book or 19th book I did on having the sex the talk talking about sex with your kids I had I wrote a book on a boy's guide to puberty oh you have written this which he didn't

[00:16:31] read and nobody else read also apparently okay no but no you should publicize it again now have you written the book about the Andromeda galaxy because there's only thing left every time I ask her have you written a book on this yeah now Proxima century maybe yeah it's

[00:16:46] on some day yeah maybe sometime I'll do that that's on my list yeah surely but what has been the most I mean we are not women who get embarrassed easily yeah both of us yeah but have there been no I get

[00:17:00] embarrassed easily okay I can't lie I do okay so I'm very no depends on what I mean if someone praises me too much I get embarrassed so what has been some moment where you had to have

[00:17:10] some discussion with your kid and you felt like you needed to hold back a bit no I'll tell you what happens that if my children are talking about anybody else and they're talking about so when my mom we used to go to the movies occasionally

[00:17:28] and if there was a sex scene or a kissing scene on an intimate scene in it my mother used to distract me she's okay by feeding me it's funny when it's really small and in the

[00:17:41] theaters of those days you didn't get clean food you couldn't feed your child some more so they'd get some salmon alive poisoning I should eat velvet at the time so she used to carry what

[00:17:51] yeah she used to carry boiled eggs oh lord and I believe every time some intimate she used to come she used to say here eat some egg and she was me shoving an egg in my mouth so that was the reason for your hattakatta

[00:18:03] javani yeah eating boiled eggs while watching movies and then later on I think it became popcorn I remember watching the bold and the beautiful with her by which time I was a proper teen like a

[00:18:13] grown teen I was 16 or 17 and then she would say I can't watch this with you this is very uncomfortable okay so yes when I'm watching like I watched what is it a Woody Allen movie what Annie Hall yeah I watched Annie Hall with my dad okay and I

[00:18:36] watched it with him about 12 13 years ago okay and there's a lot of sex and sex talk in that thing my dad was okay I was really uncomfortable though my father was really my friend

[00:18:50] and he was very very progressive and broad minded so when I think now that's a legacy in me that when I from my mom when I watch a movie which is I don't watch explicit films with them I watch

[00:19:01] supposing with an intimate scene I think everybody in the room gets a little uncomfortable okay yeah but I'll tell you something else about myself I get squeamish about watching intimate scenes

[00:19:12] myself oh lord okay I owe you this is conditioning I think I get bored no I feel I'm a peeping Tom I feel that that intimacy is between those two even if it's acted out I feel that I am peeping into

[00:19:25] somebody's bedroom and what I'm doing is I'm trespassing interesting interesting perspective I just like get on with the plot like why are we doing no so there are two things one is that

[00:19:34] you know it's acting huh it's but but even then I feel it's very private moment I shouldn't look at it it's so weird and I watched Game of Thrones with my son oh but I insist on that

[00:19:45] everything and yeah and everything and then he was a teen he was quite grown up at that point but there was some amount of explaining to be done and there were some scenes which were like

[00:19:55] pretty out there and I was like forward kare ne kare le what do you do and like school mom and then you know I just recently read a book which said that teens in India have access to porn

[00:20:08] but from the time they're 12 and in the US it's from the time they're six they're accessing porn so that worries me you know I think that if I'm not going to sit and correct all the messages

[00:20:20] they're thinking that that's how realize yeah they think like you know I'm but they are therapists are talking about that there was a phase he was going through acts bottles by

[00:20:28] the day and I'm telling him nobody is going to fall into your laxity because of acts like hello that is not happening that is spawned no no woman is going to line up and say like come on take me

[00:20:39] now because it's not gonna happen but anyway I think our job is just to keep correcting messages I think that these are televisions I've been doing a very good job of raising our children I think that we don't need to worry about these conversations they know enough

[00:21:00] but was this show sex education did you watch it yes of course not bad poor chap imagine if that's what your mom is all about and that she's a sex therapist and then she's

[00:21:10] you know getting so much action herself it's going to really basically cripple you for life absolutely but I love that character yeah actually I want to watch the I didn't watch the last season of that okay yeah but that's wonderful I mean to get all your questions

[00:21:23] answers and to become a sex therapist in school yourself help out yeah wonderful and it's needed I think it's really but you see also with this generation commodification of sex has happened okay it's starting early the awareness is starting early

[00:21:40] exposure to porn is starting early so I think that I'm expecting them to get bored of it really quickly and grow out of it I hope so too I platonic marriages in Japan yes we just

[00:21:51] read about it friendship marriages where you marry somebody and you are basically just living with a friend it said you're marrying your best friend and the completely platonic a sexual on the rise a sexual marriage you're free to have relationships outside of the marriage because

[00:22:04] they've you know been there done that from the age of 12 13 14 whatever that ages that when these people are indulging in sexual intimacy yeah absolutely so it's all old hat for them

[00:22:17] what I worry about is the number of young girls I see on Instagram putting up thirst trap pictures yeah so what I worry really worry about I see very young girls girls who are leaving school college

[00:22:29] just putting up thirst trap pictures of themselves on Instagram and the boys seeing this and thinking this is normal this is how it should be young boys their age and hitting likes and comments okay you're getting the dopamine hits you're getting the attention you're looking for but

[00:22:44] beyond that what you are objectifying your own self and then they want to but where does it end no no tomorrow if somebody is going to be looking at your profile for an interview or a job application

[00:22:57] or whatever and something the internet never forgets no these are from the shadow accounts no no they're out there maybe the older girls the younger girls have shadow I'm talking about 12 13 year olds have shadow accounts yeah under some random names and you know what they do

[00:23:13] they sexualize themselves so much from the bathrooms yeah fixing their hair wearing gloss or stoking their head and their fingers are it is really suggestive and I wrote a column about it

[00:23:23] in the HD brunch which was that mothers would even know but this is what young girls are doing and I think that even if you're you don't think a daughter is doing this it's very important

[00:23:35] to have that conversation so I have so this started by the time a younger one was growing up my older one was already older so I actually had a conversation with her about this

[00:23:43] I said that you know showing and she's a very sensible kid so she said mama you're telling me I know this already I don't do it showing your body parts whether it is through a bikini or plunging

[00:23:53] neckline or you know on a public platform or yeah or like pouty in a very suggestive way I said is the lowest way to get attention get attention for your mind get attention for

[00:24:06] your talent get attention for something bright you did and of course it's okay to want to look good and want someone to praise you you can't completely take that away from them

[00:24:14] I said but this people who have nothing else to offer resort to this and then my older one argues with me that you know you trash my second mother Kim Kardashian so much she called her second mother

[00:24:26] or she calls me the second mother that's the real mother you trash her so much now she's gone and become a criminalized rights lawyer what do you have to say to that and I keep reminding

[00:24:34] her that her journey started with leaking her sex tape you should I'm revealing her body she undresses and dresses in on camera I don't know how her kids are going to feel about this yeah in the

[00:24:44] long term on an aside I think you should like file a case against Kim Kardashian for alienation of affection yeah nothing that I will do against her is going to reduce her popularity people love her

[00:24:59] her popularity can stay but at least your kid cannot call her my second mother and you know one day I posted something about her in my stories and actually Zara went and reported my account what

[00:25:12] I am saying Zara reported my account for making fun or ridiculing Kim Kardashian you really should file that case she did that and she I thought that she'll outgrow this but she hasn't oh lord

[00:25:24] yeah but Taylor Swift is who I like see Taylor Swift is so she's my younger ones I call her and Taylor Swift is somebody who on the back of her heartbreaks how many many heartbreaks her talent

[00:25:37] has gone ahead and carved an empire for herself where is she in the ranking of the world's richest people she is somewhere in the top something right and she has had the courage which I really

[00:25:50] like to take back now you've gone away from boundaries and all that's you always know it's fine but that's the fun of this we can't just not somewhere I don't know they read

[00:25:58] but her debate that let's stick to the topic what I like about her she had the courage to take back the rights of her songs I know and re-sing them and master them and it really is then all over

[00:26:09] again I mean what courage what courage to show your middle finger to all these I know and so many tracks there were so many tracks so I mean that's an icon to have that is an icon to have

[00:26:21] definitely yeah and she does not show her body so the icons of our time were Madonna and don't forget there was also Samantha Fox I know who disappeared she had ensured her right yeah remember she she was not known for vocal chords I know whatever happened to her

[00:26:39] I suddenly remembered she existed this is what happens they're not memorable because they have nothing to back them apart from maybe the memories no but this one will be memorable Kim Kardashian because of the show because how culturally relevant she is 20 seasons of the Kardashians yeah

[00:26:58] that's not a joke yeah we've seen those girls grow up from little babies to what they are now I didn't watch them at all my kids used to watch I remember we were at we were in south of France

[00:27:08] and you don't know holiday this was in 2018 or 2019 I recall and we asked the girls do you want to come to as and as is this beautiful little village there and they said no we are tired we want to chill

[00:27:24] at the hotel and that was the most memorable part of their trip catching up on some episodes of keeping them with the Kardashians and Khan wow that's right we had the best time ever I said

[00:27:34] but you didn't come to us I think yeah but we sat and he watched it felt very good to watch it there also the thing is whenever you go anywhere they'll say that I would say Kim was here this

[00:27:43] is Kim's favorite place like the ghost of Kim has haunted me the specter of Kim lives in a house I don't feel so bad now because when we went recently to forget

[00:27:55] Christian come with us for a day because he wanted to catch up with some WWE tournament that was happening which is all fake right WWE yeah totally fake so why do they watch it it's all staged

[00:28:05] the same reason they watch the Kardashians that's right clever good answer I'm sex talk yes important I recently got a forward from a friend you know Ruchita Dasha of first mom's club

[00:28:18] she sent me a real and insta real with somebody who's called the son to mom or calls herself the son to mom was doing reels with her son who's obviously a teenager now these reels are very

[00:28:30] suggestive very seductive and very suggestive oops and I watched it and I first I didn't realize that it's mother and son then I watched it again and there's this mother going around I mean

[00:28:42] I'm not judging you she was in shorts in a little short dress and me or whatever and she was doing this dance and you know he was holding her waist and all that thing we're talking about

[00:28:53] boundaries how do you do something like that how do you sexualize content you're putting out with your own kid in it and where do you draw the boundary even over sharing with your kids right

[00:29:07] thinking that it's totally cool for my children to you know know so much about my life or my the worst thing I think parents can do is overshare about their own troubles with each other to the kids oh yeah and that is the boundary that should never be

[00:29:24] because that's what the boundaries should because you're just passing on your conflicts to your children yeah and poisoning their minds yeah and I think a lot of parents do that do I mean

[00:29:33] maybe the kid is the only person they have to talk to or whatever yeah but I that's so unfair and it shouldn't happen because why should the kid carry the burden of your fights in your disagreements no

[00:29:44] absolutely when we were growing up to it also sitting and speaking my mom with somebody we weren't allowed to sit around I mentioned this to you before as well so say please leave now

[00:29:53] even if mom and dad are having a serious conversation they'll be like you know this conversation is not for children I think our parents did their best to preserve our innocence

[00:30:01] I don't think we can do that because we are well past that as a generation of parents and but it's very important to have boundaries with your children children are being taught to have

[00:30:11] boundaries with us by the way in their helping sessions they're teaching us how to have boundaries with them yeah they're teaching us and keep the children innocent we are more innocent than again you know once I asked my older one I can't remember I said Zara can you

[00:30:25] choose between this and there's some important decision and she said it's not fair that you're putting the burden of this decision on me I remember her words I can't remember what

[00:30:33] decision it was but she said it had nothing to do with my husband it was something else and she said you figure it out for yourself yeah that's that's I think so interesting that our kids are

[00:30:44] schooling us on this yeah on the over schooling us they're over schooling us because these western therapists are constantly telling them have boundaries with your mothers have boundaries with your mothers yes it's a very common phone instagram go on reels go on tiktok you will hear

[00:30:59] every I am telling you these children are listening to these therapists even if they're not in therapy but they are hearing there's so much conversation about mental health and therapy these days that they're listening to these dictates by therapists and now they are actually putting us out you

[00:31:16] know the circle that they're building around themselves beyond which we are not allowed to enter is almost insulating and isolating and that is crazy so this is also a big problem with this

[00:31:30] pandemic of therapists epidemic of therapists sorry I have a big problem with this epidemic of therapists that epidemic is not going to go anyway we're not going to get unsolicited advice therapists yeah kovishield is not happening for them but they've withdrawn kovishield yeah they've

[00:31:45] withdrawn it but we need a kovishield for therapists I know yeah with that class but that's not going anywhere but what we can do is I I don't know I try to tell them like listen

[00:32:00] there are some spaces where I'm not gonna have boundaries with you yeah I need to know things yeah and I need to know certain things you can't tell me that you know that's my business and

[00:32:12] that's my yeah supposing somebody's kid is at school and they suspect that this child may be smoking right and then going through that bag and the child saying where are your boundaries I mean

[00:32:22] you can't these kind of things are happening Kiran yeah you can't like what nonsense two tight slaps and we'll teach you boundaries the boundary ends with my hand connects with your face yeah

[00:32:33] I'm sorry I'm gonna get trolled for this but yeah very good well said yeah but yeah till I I don't know I keep a healthy respect and there is a trust and there is no judgment but as long as I am responsible for you emotionally financially physically

[00:32:53] there are certain areas where I don't think I should have no absolutely so you know that's like start paying your own bills start paying your own tuition in your college fees whatever

[00:33:02] and then you can have all the boundaries you move out of my house and more of my house you can have all the we all in your case more of my house my mind is already living away but

[00:33:10] I'm saying that once you start paying all your bills you can have all the boundaries you want I mean we'll draw double circles around and I will remember these boundaries I keep telling

[00:33:19] her when I make drawing my will yeah you know but I keep thinking that they are also going to choose our old age home so let me not be so hard at first yeah that's why I think

[00:33:29] we should we all need an s-tech just for ourselves that is like here is it here are the terms and conditions if you treat me like this like this like this meet me this often allow me

[00:33:39] my grandkids blah blah blah until that much time you will have this inheritance from me and you will only get it after I die basically that is the operative phrase after I die yeah

[00:33:51] that is I'm going to hold on to whatever little I have until my dying day you know kid I don't know about people here in Bombay but my grandmom had a storage room my nanny okay

[00:34:04] and they lived in one of those old double storied houses in Chandigarh and then she had a store room and she's the keys to the store room were always under her pillow a thin little flat little pillow

[00:34:17] she's very frail fragile woman and all the rewards were in that store room all the rewards were edible rewards ah yeah nice yeah so I think that that is kind of grandmother

[00:34:28] and old mother I'm going to be when my kids are older my little store room with chanis I cannot think of you as frail and fragile I'll keep my bags in there yeah my nanny used to put arm popper there homemade arm popper from mangoes from a orchard

[00:34:46] and then she used to keep something called chakar pare which is something soaked in jaggery and kurmura then lots of really nice things to eat and pickled lots of pickles I used to like

[00:34:57] eating pickle just by itself and that's that that was in her locker room I'll keep my shoes and bags shoes and bags I can't even keep my kids aren't getting any pickles or arm popper from me

[00:35:07] I can't even keep my shoes and bags I don't think they should be too happy carrying them around