Cognitive Reframing for Emotional Abuse Survivors

[00:00:00] Welcome to Mindset Growth Podcast. I am your host Mallika Murali. In today's episode, we will be discussing cognitive reframing techniques that can help survivors of emotional abuse heal and move forward.

[00:00:13] Emotional abuse can take many subtle forms, verbal attacks, intimidation, constant criticism, gaslighting and manipulation. The wounds are not visible but they run very deep.

[00:00:26] While leaving the abusive situation is the crucial first step, the psychological scars of emotional abuse often remain.

[00:00:33] Negative thoughts, self-blame and unhealthy coping mechanisms can persist long after the abuse has ended. This is where cognitive reframing can be an incredibly powerful tool.

[00:00:46] What is cognitive reframing? Cognitive reframing is about identifying unhelpful distorted thought patterns and consciously replacing them with more balanced, constructive ways of thinking.

[00:01:00] In simple words we can say that we are going to replace our unhelpful negative thoughts into positive thoughts by giving positive meanings to the situations and events that gave rise to these thoughts.

[00:01:13] It draws from cognitive behavioral therapy which is based on the idea that our thoughts influence our emotions and behaviors.

[00:01:21] When you have experienced emotional trauma like abuse, it's very common to develop automatic negative thoughts.

[00:01:28] I am worthless, it's my fault, I'll never get over this, no one will love me like that.

[00:01:35] These thoughts then breed further emotional distress and unhealthy coping mechanisms. It becomes a vicious cycle. Cognitive reframing trains you to interrupt that cycle by questioning and reframing those intrusive negative thoughts in a more objective light.

[00:01:54] Let us see some examples of unhelpful thoughts. Like all or nothing thinking, seeing things as entirely good or entirely bad with no middle ground.

[00:02:06] The second one is over-generalization, viewing a single negative event as part of a pattern of negativity.

[00:02:15] The third one is mental filter, dwelling entirely on the negative while filtering out the positives.

[00:02:23] The fourth one is disqualifying the positive, discounting or rejecting the positive experiences.

[00:02:31] The fifth one is jumping to conclusions, making negative judgments with little evidence.

[00:02:39] Sixth one is magnification or minimization, either blowing things out of proportion or minimizing the positives.

[00:02:48] Seventh one is emotional reasoning, basing your view on feelings alone rather than facts.

[00:02:55] The eighth one is shoot statements, motivating yourself with the shoots, musts and odds.

[00:03:03] The ninth one is labeling, identifying with negative labels like a failure or victim.

[00:03:09] The tenth one is personalization, blaming yourself for things beyond your control.

[00:03:15] Now let us see some reframing examples. Suppose you are getting an unhelpful thought like this.

[00:03:22] I am a complete failure and worthless because of what my ex put me through.

[00:03:27] Now when you get this kind of a thought, reframe it this way. The abuse was not my fault.

[00:03:33] I have innate worth as a person that no one can take away. I am working on healing.

[00:03:40] Let us see another example. You are getting an unhelpful thought like this.

[00:03:45] I will never find someone who truly loves me after being treated so badly.

[00:03:50] Now you can reframe it this way. The abusers behavior was about their own brokenness, not my worthiness of love.

[00:03:59] I can build a loving relationship when the time is right.

[00:04:03] Let us see another example. The unhelpful thought would be like this.

[00:04:08] I should have seen the warning signs and gotten out sooner. I am so stupid.

[00:04:13] Now we can reframe it this way. Abusers or master manipulators skilled in obscuring warning signs.

[00:04:20] Having blind spots doesn't make me stupid. It means I am human.

[00:04:25] So now let us see some of the benefits of reframing.

[00:04:29] It helps interrupt the cycle of negativity, anxiety and depression.

[00:04:34] It increases motivation, optimism and self-esteem. It provides perspective and objectivity.

[00:04:42] Reframing empowers you to shape your inner narrative.

[00:04:47] Reframing equips you with a helpful coping technique.

[00:04:52] Reframing complements other therapeutic approaches.

[00:04:55] Now let us see what is the process of reframing, how it works.

[00:04:59] The first step is identify the unhelpful thought.

[00:05:03] The second step is ask yourself these questions. Is this thought realistic or rational?

[00:05:09] Is it helpful or productive for me to think this way?

[00:05:14] What is the evidence for and against this thought?

[00:05:19] Next, the third step is consciously reframe the thought in a more objective and constructive way.

[00:05:27] Next, the fourth step is repeat the reframed thought to yourself many times and also write it down.

[00:05:36] The fifth step is return to the reframed thought when the unhelpful thought resurfaces.

[00:05:43] This is the process of reframing.

[00:05:47] So if you can do this reframing process, it will be easy for you to come out of these unhelpful negative thoughts.

[00:05:56] Of course cognitive reframing alone is not a remedy for healing from emotional abuse.

[00:06:02] True healing is a journey that may involve many therapeutic tools and approaches.

[00:06:08] But by reframing deeply ingrained negative thoughts, we chip away at harmful beliefs that keep us feeling stuck or unworthy.

[00:06:18] It empowers us to reduce our suffering and see ourselves and our experiences through a more compassionate self-affirming lens.

[00:06:28] So be patient with yourself and keep reframing one thought at a time. Thank you.