episode 46: identifying the manipulation tactics of narcissists

[00:00:00] A warm welcome to another episode of Hina's Emo Wisdom Podcast. Well, this is your Hina Ambareen Khan certified wellness coach, certified life coach, speaker author, former soil scientist from Indian Institute of Science and my dear people in

[00:00:17] this episode I am going to talk in detail about how you can face this challenging but yet winning way of understanding a narcissist and how to get away from their manipulation tactics. Have you ever felt confused, blamed or doubted yourself after interaction with someone who

[00:00:43] seems charming but also makes you feel unworthy? I have felt that it might be because you have encountered a narcissist. It took me years together to understand what actually was that. Yeah, the toxic relationship, abusing of a narcissist and not understanding the abuse of a narcissist

[00:01:06] and always considering that something there is wrong and it can be worked out but it was wrong. You understand? So understanding the tactics can empower you to protect yourself and maintain

[00:01:20] your well-being. I don't want you guys to go through all that and it's one of the most bitter phase of life where you don't understand the toxic behavior, you don't understand the manipulation tactics and you're always living in a confusion state. It's like you're given

[00:01:38] a stone and you're told that's a chocolate and you trust them to that level and you have to understand and believe that it's a chocolate though you know it is not a chocolate so in this

[00:01:47] will be the state of your mind. Yeah, so when you are going to understand narcissism it's one of the personality disorder. It's a condition where the individuals have an inflated sense of their own importance. Self, I'm powerful, I have to dominate, I have to rule

[00:02:09] and I have to put others down, I have to take control and rule them and crush them. A deep need for admiration, a lack of empathy for others because their prefrontal cortex it doesn't work. They lack emotions and feelings regardless of you shed your tears you cry.

[00:02:32] They may show a little bit of concern but they are not concerned. They lack all that emotions you may feel that you're crying and all that you may feel oh now they're going to understand no they're not going to understand it's your waste of shedding your

[00:02:46] emotion or shedding your emotion to them, don't you ever do that? Yeah these traits it can lead to manipulative behaviors that are damaging to those around them. They're two main types of narcissists. I did a lot of research on this to understand why was this happening.

[00:03:06] Overt and covert yeah the overt narcissists are openly arrogant and they crave attention. In contrast the covert narcissists they appear shy, modest but harbor a deep sense of entitlement and a tendency to manipulate subtly. Sit in common manipulation techniques let's talk about this.

[00:03:33] You would have heard about it and you if you're experiencing it I'm there for you, I'm there for you, I am stretching my arms I'm going to hold space for you, I'm there for you, you're not alone. Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where the narcissist

[00:03:51] makes you question your reality. They may deny things they have said or done, they may twist the facts or blame you for things that are not your fault but you still feel confused and guilty.

[00:04:05] If you find yourself constantly darting your memory or sanity around someone they might be gaslighting you. It's not your fault but they blame you, they make you fear you're guilty about it they want to have control on you through this yeah. Love bombing, you have heard of it

[00:04:26] and devaluation many girls fall in the trap of this love bombing. They wouldn't have got that love in the childhood or they wouldn't have got love from anybody and what they're going to do is when they feel somebody and these narcissists they attack the vulnerable ones

[00:04:43] and when they feel that they are going through a lot then they are the best kind of a pray for them and when a woman or a man when they get in trap of such kind of narcissist the first stage is

[00:04:59] the early stage of a relationship a narcissist may love bomb you, shower you with praise, affection, gifts this would have happened with you in some form. This is designed to make you feel

[00:05:13] special you're made to feel special and create a quick bond however once you hope they start to devalue, criticize you, be little you create a cycle of emotional dependence where you are so much addicted to their admiration, validation you become such a way that they validate they give

[00:05:38] an acceptance to what you want or what you do then you feel better about it when they put you down you just start thinking and thinking that starts eating you inside again they give you

[00:05:50] that love you're like fully flown into them again they're going to put you down so this becomes a cycle where in this vicious cycle you are trapped that's going to affect you mentally, emotionally and physically. Triangulation, narcissists often use triangulation to control

[00:06:10] and manipulate their victims this involves bringing a third party into the relationship to create jealousy or insecurity they want to make you feel this for example they might mention how attractive someone else finds them or compare you unfavorably to others or they may talk about

[00:06:30] their ex all the time they may talk about someone getting attracted to them they may compare you with someone and put you all the time down they make you feel little about yourself or

[00:06:45] they make you feel that you have to work upon yourself to that level that you come up to their kind of admiration and you do anything to get to that level be careful do not try to please them

[00:07:00] not pleasing anyone except the creator this happens only when you lose yourself forth and you do do not believe in yourself you are pleasing them pleasing everyone and seeking validation stop doing that you're not a trash you're not a trash anymore you have value of your own

[00:07:19] self understand that value stand in front of mirror and understand your worth projection narcissists often accuse others of very behaviors they are guilty of themselves this tactic is known as projection this deflects attention from their own flaws and blame others if they accuse you of

[00:07:42] being selfish or unfaithful it might be them projecting their own issues onto you whatever they are doing they may say that oh you're having relationship with someone oh you are how you're being connected with somebody else it means they are doing that they may say oh you're not

[00:07:59] being faithful to me you're cheating on me it's because they are doing that whatever they blame you the accuser is because even when you're not doing they are projecting their self to you they are just wearing a disguise and when you remove that disguise what they are wearing

[00:08:21] you'll be broken so before that happens take a strong step recognizing these tactics is the first step in protecting yourself my dear friends let me conclude saying this if you find yourself in a relationship or a situation where these behaviors are present consider

[00:08:40] setting firm boundaries seek support prioritize your well-being remember it's not your job to fix a narcissist but it's your responsibility to take care of yourself your mental health your emotional health they will definitely torture you if you are being in a married

[00:08:59] relationship then for sure you may go through the financial issues or emotional issues where your blackmail taking your kids and the kids will also have an influence about whatever they are doing they may try to influence the children they may take away the children from you talking

[00:09:15] bad about you or they may take all those loved ones who were in your favor in their side they will do all these possible things just so that nobody gets to know them

[00:09:26] they have a very different image when they are all together outside but when they are inside they are monsters with their wife and children I have seen these cases yeah so there is more

[00:09:39] research that I have done yes life is a lifelong journey that we go to learn and the research is on still and I have done a lot of help to the people who have come up with all this

[00:09:52] toxic relationships or narcissistic abuse and they were stuck in life and not understanding but I have helped them and they have been living a very beautiful life so the kind of life you are

[00:10:04] living so I tell you respect yourself love yourself believe in yourself the life of yours does not end with these kind of people the life actually starts when you get out of them when you can't

[00:10:17] live with them you have to get out of them even you can't tell yourself no I'm going to put up with them because there is no other choice then you are cheating your own self your own

[00:10:26] worth because you lack your words so you are putting up with all the stuff and the shit that's happening I'm there to support you I'm always there for you please connect with me for the sessions

[00:10:38] and where you're going to have that wisdom the confidence of the courage where you are going to grow with a strong self-worth self-image and not be anymore people pleaser where you're going to grow strong independently in all the ways yeah and I once again thank you all those

[00:11:00] lovely people who have heard Hina's emo wisdom podcast and joined my sessions and trusted Hina Amareen thank you so much love you all lots of love to you people thank you for joining me in

[00:11:12] this episode and if you find this content valuable please share it with others who might benefit don't forget to subscribe for more insights into self-management and personal growth stay empowered and take care till then see you tata and bye bye