episode 37: anger management

[00:00:00] A warm welcome to my lovely people hearing to Hina's Emo Wisdom Podcast. Well, this is your Hina Ambareen Khan certified wellness coach, certified life coach, speaker, author, former soil scientist from Indian Institute of Science.

[00:00:12] And in this episode, let me take you deeply diving into the emotions for a more balanced life. And in this episode, let me talk to you about how you can tackle a powerful emotion that we all live with. That's going to affect us. That's our anger.

[00:00:29] So well, you know, let me explore and help you out with certain practical strategies how to control that extreme anger and turn into a force for positive change.

[00:00:41] So what actually makes us to get angry? Yes, it's because of the stress or because of the fear or because of certain kind of triggers. Anger, it's a natural and often necessary emotion. And do not say that you should not get angry.

[00:00:59] Yes, you should get angry because that is a way when you want to set a boundary.

[00:01:04] And because people may take you for granted and they may walk upon you even if you're not showing any kind of anger towards the immoral or the triggered behavior that is causing this anger.

[00:01:14] And if it is going to become extreme, how it's going to have an impact on you or the surroundings. So let me bring about this where it's going to affect your health and the mental piece. So it's our body's response to perceive threats or the injustices.

[00:01:29] However, when anger becomes extreme, it can be harmful. When you recognize that anger is a signal but not a solution, then this is the first step towards mastering it.

[00:01:40] We got to understand what triggers our anger and how it manifests, whether through physical symptoms like a racing heart or behaviors like yelling or withdrawing. Because during the time of anger, you are just going out of your control and there is high palpitation happening.

[00:01:57] You feel some kind of giddyness. You feel you're sweating terribly or you feel there is a kind of rise in your BP. You feel there is headache or nausea, something like that.

[00:02:12] So that is a time when you have to pause because that's going to rise the rapid flow of blood in your blood vessels. So for which reason the BP also rises and the impact of this extreme anger, it not only damages your own health but also certain relationships.

[00:02:33] It takes a toll on your health as well. So chronic anger can lead to high blood pressure as I have told you, the heart problems and a weakened immune system. When you are extremely angry, it affects your lungs as well. It affects your heart very badly.

[00:02:48] Mentally it can cause stress, anxiety and depression. And whatever you are charged for that day, particular day, because if someone's triggered, you feel that the day is very gloomy and you are not so very productive in that day.

[00:03:03] Because of some trigger, somebody entered into your life as a trigger and they triggered you and the entire day becomes a morose day where the entire day is not a productive day.

[00:03:17] So when it can cause stress, anxiety and depression and this is what you need to learn how to handle this emotion.

[00:03:26] When you are understanding these impacts, you can see the importance of how you can manage anger effectively for both the well-being and the well-being of those around us. So certain strategies, these are the basic strategies that I am trying to bring up here.

[00:03:40] How can you recognize the early warning signs? Awareness is the foundation, always and anything for control. Wisdom, obviously in this wisdom episode what I want to bring about every topic is where there can be wisdom.

[00:03:55] When you are able to identify the physical and emotional cues of anger early, it can be like a clenched jaw or feeling of frustration as I said sweating. Then we can take the steps to calm down before the anger escalates. Many people fall short of breath.

[00:04:13] These are all very harmful. So you got to pause and reflect. And especially this is to those people, if you are having your loved ones and you are becoming the trigger for them,

[00:04:25] if you become the source and the cause of their death then you will not be in a position to forgive yourself because you triggered that extreme anger in them. Because when somebody is getting triggered you need not have to land up into arguments.

[00:04:39] That's the best thing that I can tell the opposite person. Do not land into arguments or any kind of validations, better try to keep quiet because the situation has to come under control.

[00:04:49] If you love that person to survive or to be alive then you are not going to trigger more for land into arguments or back-layer saying that this is what it is, this is what is that and what's going to happen.

[00:05:00] You are going to be the cause of their death if the person is in the extreme anger, extreme rage and is not in control. And you got to pause and reflect. Space between the stimulus as I said, the trigger and the response it empowers choice.

[00:05:20] The wisdom is when you feel anger rising, pause, take a deep breath, count to ten or step away from the situation, drink water. This brief moment of reflection can prevent you from reacting impulsively and saying or doing something that you are going to regret for.

[00:05:38] This is actually more than the person who gets triggered is also by those people who are causing the trigger. This is a message for both. Because those people who get triggered because it is so sensitive when you cannot tolerate something or rubbish that is happening,

[00:05:56] you are in the extreme rage and the person who is causing this rubbish kind of a trigger, when they right in front of you, they argue, they make as a biggest scene.

[00:06:06] So better that they walk out from that place rather than you, the person who is into anger has to come under control. That's wisdom.

[00:06:17] Because that person who is in the extreme rage and anger is not under control and you can't expect that person only to come under control. Because when the stimulus is right in front of them and triggering, triggering and triggering through arguments, through validations, through this and that.

[00:06:32] This is wisdom. Because many people through anger when they yell, when they shout, I have seen many people fall short of breath and they get cardiac arrest.

[00:06:45] So for this reason, better stay away from that extreme anger or just create distance from such people who trigger you to get this state of extreme anger. Just creating the distance. Even it can be a loved one. The best thing is just create a distance.

[00:07:03] Even if you see the anger, the cause of anger first and foremost is as I said the lack of respect, the fear, the stress, the expectations. How does this expectations come? Because when you are attached to someone, when you are attached to someone, you have lots of expectations.

[00:07:21] So better the first root cause of all the problems is your attachment towards someone. This is a lesson to everybody. Stop getting attached to anyone. Just do your duties as you have to do and do not get any kind of attachment.

[00:07:36] Even if it can be your own loved ones. Just stay away from that attachment. When you are attached, you fear about them. You think about them. You care about them. You worry about them. And you may ask me one question. Is it wrong to worry about someone?

[00:07:53] Is it wrong to care about someone? When someone is not understanding your care, your love and your worry for them, then you are not valued for them. This is a simple direct answer.

[00:08:06] So when you are not valued, you are unnecessarily pouring your time, your energy, your worth on those people who are not valuing what you are doing for them. So the best thing is stay away from them. Do not be attached with them.

[00:08:21] Just take a U turn in your life. You may say years together I have spent my time with this attachment taking care and it is so difficult. Yes, it is difficult.

[00:08:32] It is not an easy task for you to get out of that circle because you have been like a caretaker. You have been like so much concerned about them and when they do not value, you get the trigger of this anger, pain and all that is affecting you.

[00:08:50] Not them. If they truly had valued you and loved you, they would take care that they do not trigger you with that anger or they do not disvalue you. There is a first and foremost thing but they don't value you. They don't value what you do for them.

[00:09:07] So what is the best option that you can do? Just get out of them. Just stay away from them. Just do not be attached to them. Just create slowly and this process requires a gradual process. It can't happen overnight.

[00:09:22] Slowly and gradually you got to practice and tell yourself that I am not going to waste my value on them. I am not valued. This you have to say because respect is what carries yourself worth. Respect is what carries yourself worth.

[00:09:40] When what you do is not respected, then you are not respected. So better keep on telling yourself how you can create a distance from that attachment because that has caused you a lot of pain. Yes?

[00:09:56] So as I said, the brief moment of reflection it can prevent you from reacting impulsively and just saying or doing something that you are going to regret. Because when you are in the extreme range of anger what I said, cardiac arrest possible.

[00:10:14] That's not going to affect the people around you who triggered you that is actually you are on the death bed. So it's going to affect you.

[00:10:20] You have so many dreams, you have so many things to do in life and someone, it can be your loved ones they have triggered you. And what are you doing? You're shouting, you're yelling and what's happening? You're losing on your health and does it matter for others?

[00:10:33] It does not matter. If it had mattered for others then they would definitely care for you and care for your health and care for what you do. That's wisdom. So do not be emotional fools, just live with emotional wisdom.

[00:10:47] That's what I have to say because when we are carried away by emotions we forget what we are doing with people around us. We feel that oh I love my child, oh I love my partner, oh I love my parent.

[00:10:58] Oh so let me do it, let me do it, let me do it and you're just in the world of doing it, doing it, doing it and it's like you're not valued. There the problem comes. Yes? So practice deep breathing. Calm mind, calm reaction.

[00:11:13] What is the wisdom in this? Deep breathing it helps to activate your parasympathetic nervous system which calms you down. Inhale slowly through your nose, hold for a few seconds and exhale through your mouth. Repeat this several times to reduce the intensity of your anger. Use assertive communication.

[00:11:34] Clarity and respect in expression. Learn to express your feelings and needs clearly and respectfully. Use eye statements to describe how you feel and what you need. There are people even when you say they're not going to understand, they are going to validate, they are going to argue.

[00:11:52] There's no point and that makes your anger worst. So rather than blaming or criticizing others just create a distance. For example say I feel upset instead of you or always something like that. And my dear people, strength in seeking the support.

[00:12:10] Don't feel hesitant if you're going through something like this. Feel free to connect with me. If you find it challenging to manage your anger, despite your best efforts, consider seeking help and where I'm going to help you out. The power of empathy. Building the bridges through understanding.

[00:12:28] Empathy it allows us to see things from another person's perspective. When we understand why someone acted a certain way it can reduce the anger and foster compassion. Practice active listening and try to understand the underlying reasons for others actions and words.

[00:12:44] So things when they can't be under your control, you can just make things in control by just distancing yourself. That's the best option because the other person who is going to be the counterpart, they may try to trigger and trigger and trigger.

[00:13:01] The best way is just keep your calm and this needs a lot of courage and practice. So thank you my dear lovely people for hearing to Hina's emo wisdom podcast. Remember mastering this anger isn't about suppressing, it's about learning to channel it constructively.

[00:13:17] By understanding the triggers, practicing self-awareness and embracing empathy, we can transform it into a positive force for the change in our lives. Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode and join me next time

[00:13:31] as we are going to explore more strategies for how you can live with emotional wisdom. Until then stay mindful and resilient. Tata and bye-bye.