In this you will learn 6 strategies to build your self-esteem and self-belief that will result in enhancing your self-confidence. This is needed to stand up for yourself and be assertive in your communication with others.
[00:00:00] Hello friends, welcome to Eloquence Echoes with Tanuja.
[00:00:11] Today's content is going to be super super helpful to you in transforming your communication
[00:00:19] style.
[00:00:20] In the previous episodes we covered the four styles of communication and I also told you
[00:00:25] that the best and the most effective way of communication is by being assertive.
[00:00:33] How to be one is the million dollar question.
[00:00:38] In today's episode you will get the answer.
[00:00:41] By building your self confidence for assertiveness is the key to become assertive.
[00:00:50] Here are six simple strategies to help you build it and stand up for yourself effectively.
[00:00:57] To make it easier for you to remember these strategies I have used an acronym assert.
[00:01:05] It's a six letter word acronym each of the six letters stand for one strategy.
[00:01:13] Start A in assert stands for affirmations that is a first strategy.
[00:01:21] Affirmations are certain phrases or words that you repeat as a positive self talk to
[00:01:26] boost your confidence.
[00:01:29] These will build your self esteem and self belief.
[00:01:33] So how are you going to use those affirmations is to be understood.
[00:01:38] There are two steps to it.
[00:01:41] Your first step is write down your achievements big or small, minor or major either in your
[00:01:49] professional or personal life.
[00:01:52] Also the various ways you have contributed to any project or task and the volunteering
[00:01:59] work you have done note down even the minor ones like taking the stairs instead of lift
[00:02:05] four times in a week or turning off the light and the fan on leaving the room.
[00:02:12] These may seem nothing to you but over time they make a big difference in saving our resources
[00:02:20] and also building up your health and don't bother these will build your self esteem
[00:02:27] also when you write them all down and read them.
[00:02:33] Write down and repeat affirmations such as I am capable.
[00:02:37] I deserve respect.
[00:02:39] I can learn whatever I don't know at present.
[00:02:45] These two steps will help you overcome two things.
[00:02:49] One is the negative thoughts and the limiting beliefs that your mind constantly tells you.
[00:02:56] Second your imposter syndrome feeling that makes you feel you are less than what others
[00:03:03] think about you and your abilities.
[00:03:06] You live in a constant fear of being found out.
[00:03:10] Therefore noting down and going over your list of achievements will make you realize
[00:03:17] how much of your effort and dedication was spent in those achievements.
[00:03:23] You will start to believe in yourself to respect yourself.
[00:03:28] Second point in building your self confidence is to set small goals.
[00:03:35] This is the second letter in the acronym assert.
[00:03:39] I cannot overemphasize this just as you cannot finish a plate full of food in one morsel
[00:03:47] you cannot finish a task or reach your goal in one step.
[00:03:53] Even if you try to you will meet with either an incomplete or a shoddy result or you will
[00:04:01] not be able to complete even this result will disappoint you and this will make you feel
[00:04:09] you are not good enough.
[00:04:11] Therefore break down your tasks into smaller manageable goals after completion of each
[00:04:20] step celebrate that success because celebrating small successes build confidence.
[00:04:29] For example if you have decided to contribute in a meeting instead of being a passive participant
[00:04:37] aim to speak up once in a meeting to start with that is take one step at a time as
[00:04:43] I told you.
[00:04:45] So just to start with aim to speak once slowly and gradually you can increase the number of
[00:04:52] times you speak.
[00:04:55] If you attempt to flood the meeting with your ideas and suggestions the very thought of
[00:05:01] it will integrate you and you will fail to start even remember success even if
[00:05:10] it is small adds up and builds your confidence.
[00:05:15] A series of successes will build your self esteem which in turn will result in increased
[00:05:21] self confidence.
[00:05:23] The third letter in the acronym assert is S again and this means say no yes you have
[00:05:34] to say no whenever someone makes a request to you that does not align with your priorities.
[00:05:44] This is assertiveness the ease with which you can say no to people without feeling guilt
[00:05:51] and without offending them is assertiveness.
[00:05:56] This can be challenging very challenging at the start especially when you have to
[00:06:01] decline or refuse people close to you nonetheless it can give you much needed
[00:06:07] relief and rest in the long run.
[00:06:10] I will share a superb technique to say no politely always knowledge the offer
[00:06:18] request or invite with few words of appreciation why because that person
[00:06:25] thought about you in making that invite an offer so appreciate and thank that
[00:06:30] person that should be your start of saying no in a polite manner then give
[00:06:37] you reason for saying no using soft now softness are words of phrases like but
[00:06:44] however I'm sorry I'm afraid unfortunately these soften the blow of
[00:06:54] the refusal or the decline of something for the person who's made that invite
[00:07:01] that offer to you it's doesn't sound blunt for example when someone gives you
[00:07:08] additional work to complete in a given time frame and you already have deadlines
[00:07:13] to meet say like this thanks for trusting me to do this work I'm sorry but I
[00:07:22] already have two deadlines to meet I will not be able to take up any
[00:07:27] additional work so see you have said no also but it will not feel as an offense
[00:07:37] to that person who gave you who came with the intention of giving you some
[00:07:43] additional work you started with thanks for trusting me this is an
[00:07:48] appreciation or a thank I am sorry I'm sorry he's a softener and then you
[00:07:54] say the reason why you will not take up any additional work when you feel
[00:08:00] awkward saying no then start with low risk situations to build your confidence
[00:08:05] for instance you can say no to having dinner outside when you have some
[00:08:11] important work to complete the fourth letter in the acronym assert is E
[00:08:18] that stands for express confident body language now you will say how to do
[00:08:24] that see the way you feel the way you think gets automatically reflected in
[00:08:30] your body language you don't have to fake it and did you know that the
[00:08:34] opposite is also true if you fake your body language that you that you make
[00:08:38] your gestures and postures confident you will feel confident yes this is
[00:08:46] true so deliberately and consciously make postures and gestures that can make
[00:08:54] you think confidently so if you make these gestures and postures I'll list them
[00:09:01] out to you you will feel that way number one stand straight and tall pull
[00:09:10] out your chest and pull back your shoulders keeping them horizontal to
[00:09:15] the ground when you do this your stomach will be pulled up and pulled in at the
[00:09:21] same time automatically this will happen making your spine to straighten up
[00:09:28] this is a confident posture avoid slouching and rounding your shoulders
[00:09:36] second make direct eye contact yes when you look directly into the eyes of
[00:09:44] the person who you are speaking to or who is speaking to you you are showing
[00:09:51] confidence because there are people who will not meet the eyes or not meet
[00:09:57] the gaze directly if they're not confident just notice them third speak
[00:10:02] formally in a confident tone now if you have to say this line again when
[00:10:09] someone gives you that additional work how should you say in a confident tone
[00:10:14] thanks for trusting me to do this work I'm sorry I already have two deadlines to
[00:10:20] meet so I will not be able to take up any additional work this is a confident
[00:10:25] tone you know what you're saying and you mean it instead of saying thanks
[00:10:30] for trusting me to do this but I'm sorry I will not be able to do it I
[00:10:35] have so much work to do already and two deadlines to meet you saw the difference
[00:10:40] in the tone so always be firm in speaking using a confident tone last but not
[00:10:49] the least use power poses to boost your confidence before any important meeting
[00:10:55] or a situation where you are meeting a client any stakeholder or you have to
[00:11:01] present or you have to address a crowd what are these power poses stand in a
[00:11:08] high-powered pose which involves standing with your hands on your hips and
[00:11:15] standing with your feet apart chin tilted upwards second pose that you can
[00:11:23] adopt a power pose is a hand steeple pose in this pose place the fingertips
[00:11:31] of both hands together only the fingertips not the complete hand you don't have to
[00:11:36] join them spread them and then arch the hands so the tips of the fingers look
[00:11:42] like a church steeple you know pointed at the top and then opening up or
[00:11:47] widening at the base that is a steeple pose but only the fingertips should
[00:11:54] join none other part of the hand should join apparently women tend to
[00:12:00] steeple lower than men and the thing the higher you steeple the more confident
[00:12:06] you will appear so use these confident body language and they'll make you feel
[00:12:12] confident the fifth letter in the acronym assert is R which stands for
[00:12:19] request feedback what does this mean now whenever you are learning adopting
[00:12:26] these confident postures gestures don't I contact everything you may not be
[00:12:33] successful or do them 100% right always ask for feedback from some trusted
[00:12:40] friends or colleagues did I do it right or when I was presenting today when I
[00:12:45] was speaking today how was my tone if any of them tells you that you did
[00:12:53] not sound that confident and practice more use their insights constructively
[00:12:59] remember these things do not happen overnight or in one time only so have
[00:13:06] patience keep trying feedback will give you your right picture because you
[00:13:12] yourself will not be able to understand whether you've done it right or where
[00:13:17] you need to improve but these people who are listening to you and they are
[00:13:21] your friends or colleagues present there they will help you to understand the
[00:13:28] last letter T in the acronym assert is take action this means that apply
[00:13:38] whatever you learn in your real life situations not just read and apply
[00:13:43] once or twice and then leave it be consistent action leads you to results
[00:13:50] the more you practice the more naturally assertive you will pick up putting it
[00:13:56] all together here's a quick plan to practice assert that is to build your
[00:14:02] self-confidence to becoming assertive first affirmations write down all your
[00:14:07] achievements and repeat your affirmations I am capable I deserve this
[00:14:14] I can learn whatever I don't know now set small goals think of a situation where
[00:14:21] you can be more assertive and plan a small step take one step at a time
[00:14:25] unless you are confident in that first step don't go to the second step
[00:14:31] third say no learn to say no in a polite manner always start with the
[00:14:38] appreciation then add a softener and give a reason that is a very polite and a
[00:14:45] gentle way to turn down anything to decline something or say no without
[00:14:50] making the other person feel bad you can role play it with your friend fourth
[00:14:56] express confident body language the four poses that I told you stand tall and
[00:15:02] straight meet the eye directly use a confident tone and last but not the
[00:15:08] least power poses fifth is request your feedback from your trusted friends or
[00:15:16] colleagues and last but not the least take action don't just read and sit
[00:15:22] back using the assert acronym will help you remember and apply these
[00:15:27] strategies to boost your confidence making you more assertive hope you will
[00:15:34] apply them and be more assertive from now on words bye bye see you in the next
[00:15:40] episode