Episode 21_The Art of Asking the Right Questions

[00:00:03] Hello and welcome to today's episode of Eloquence Echoes with Tanuja.

[00:00:10] Today we are diving into a skill that has the power to transform your communication, your life, your relationships.

[00:00:19] It's something you've been doing all your life but probably never realized how much it impacts all of these.

[00:00:25] And your career and success as well.

[00:00:29] I'm talking about the art of asking the right question.

[00:00:36] Most people believe that communication is all about speaking, delivering the right words in the right way.

[00:00:43] But the truth is, asking the right questions is equally important.

[00:00:48] So let's break down why this matters and how it can change your life.

[00:00:53] Once in a driving class the instructor asked his group of students a simple question.

[00:01:00] What makes you go at speed?

[00:01:02] Almost everyone immediately said, the accelerator.

[00:01:07] But one student gave a surprising answer.

[00:01:12] The brakes.

[00:01:14] The room went silent.

[00:01:15] The instructor smiled and said, exactly.

[00:01:20] Without the brakes no one would dare accelerate.

[00:01:24] That one question and its answer changed how the students saw driving forever.

[00:01:33] Brakes help you slow down, change directions, stop and re-root if needed.

[00:01:40] Similarly, in the car called life what helps you slow down and redirect your life's journey, purpose and growth are not the answers you have or know but the questions you ask.

[00:01:54] When faced with a difficulty asking the right question helps.

[00:01:58] For example, what is its solution? Or who can help me in this?

[00:02:04] These questions will let you navigate smoothly through challenges, unlock the clarity and reach your goals faster with confidence and precision.

[00:02:16] Similarly, just like the brakes in the car a thoughtful well structured question is what gives you control in conversations too.

[00:02:26] Without them conversations speed ahead without direction, clarity or purpose.

[00:02:32] But when you ask the right question you have the power to pause, reflect and guide the discussion wherever it needs to be going.

[00:02:41] Yet I am surprised by the inaction of the people to ask questions.

[00:02:47] There are three main reasons why we do not ask questions or rather why we lack the curiosity to notice things and ask about them.

[00:02:59] Number one is fear. This is one of the main reasons for stopping us from asking questions.

[00:03:07] We fear the judgment of the other person.

[00:03:11] We fear what if I have asked a dumb question? People may laugh at me.

[00:03:17] But let me tell you, asking a dumb question although there is no such question every question is a proper question from the standpoint of the asker will make you a fool for a day.

[00:03:31] Not asking it will make you a fool throughout your life.

[00:03:36] So choose what you want to be.

[00:03:40] Second is shyness.

[00:03:43] There are people who have a very good question to ask but still they do not ask because they are too shy and they do not want attention.

[00:03:55] The third reason is ego and this is dangerous.

[00:04:02] Fighting your fear is much easier than fighting with your ego.

[00:04:06] We do not ask questions because we think we know it or we can find it ourselves.

[00:04:12] What is the cost of inaction to ask questions?

[00:04:17] When you avoid asking questions there are several disadvantages both in personal and professional contexts.

[00:04:26] There is lack of clarity in the absence of asking questions.

[00:04:31] You risk misunderstandings and confusion by not seeking the necessary information or clarification.

[00:04:40] For example in a meeting you do not ask for clarification on a project deadline.

[00:04:46] Later you realize you misunderstood the timeline and your team falls behind schedule causing stress and potential conflict.

[00:04:57] The second disadvantage is that you will miss the opportunities.

[00:05:04] You will miss the valuable insights, the solutions, the growth opportunities which you would have got if you had asked questions.

[00:05:15] For example you meet someone who has travelled extensively to places you want to visit.

[00:05:21] You do not ask for travel tips or recommendations and you miss valuable insights that could have enhanced your future trips.

[00:05:31] The third disadvantage is assumptions and misinterpretations that are going to enter your relationships.

[00:05:41] This is especially with focus on interpersonal relationships.

[00:05:46] When you avoid asking questions it will lead to incorrect assumptions about your significant other or the rest of the family members.

[00:05:59] This will result in poor decisions and strained relationships.

[00:06:04] For example you assume that your partner understands your needs even if they do not ask you directly.

[00:06:13] But over time this leads to miscommunication and frustration in the relationship.

[00:06:20] There is an invisible power in asking questions.

[00:06:25] Yes, invisible power.

[00:06:28] What happens when you ask questions?

[00:06:31] It is the key to mastering any skill or the subject.

[00:06:36] With the right questions you gather accurate information, understand others perspectives, make informed decisions and strengthen an existing connection.

[00:06:51] But what makes a good question?

[00:06:53] What makes a question right?

[00:06:55] To know what are good questions you must first know what are bad questions.

[00:07:01] So let's see what gets categorized under bad questions.

[00:07:09] First is the closed ended questions and these questions are which have a simple answer in yes or no.

[00:07:20] These questions are very good for asking something specific.

[00:07:24] However they limit your conversation.

[00:07:28] They don't allow you to take the conversation further.

[00:07:31] So they are definitely going to end the conversation as early as it has begun.

[00:07:37] For example, do you like the new project?

[00:07:40] Yes or no will be the answer.

[00:07:42] Instead you should ask what do you like about the new project?

[00:07:48] The second harm with bad questions or what is termed as a bad question is a leading question.

[00:07:56] These are those that suggest a particular answer to the respondent and can result in a biased response.

[00:08:07] For example, you think the new project is great don't you?

[00:08:12] You are already assuming that the other person knows it is great or other person considers it as great and then you just confirming it.

[00:08:21] So they already suggest a particular answer and then obviously they will need to a biased response.

[00:08:30] The third kind of a question that comes under this category is a loaded question.

[00:08:37] These contain assumptions that can put the respondent on the defensive.

[00:08:45] For example, why are you always late?

[00:08:50] So you already assumed that the person is always late even if that person is once or twice only late or maybe that person has arrived but is busy somewhere.

[00:09:01] So why are you always late?

[00:09:06] Makes the other person or the respondent come on a defensive mode.

[00:09:13] They will immediately start giving excuses or explaining things.

[00:09:18] Instead this question, can you tell me what challenges you face with time management?

[00:09:26] This is a much better question. The person will be able to share open up what is plaguing him to reach on time or any other issue.

[00:09:38] Now let's understand what makes a good question, a right question.

[00:09:44] Is it etiquette or grammatical structure?

[00:09:49] No, it goes beyond these two things.

[00:09:52] A good question stimulates thought.

[00:09:57] For example, what would you do if you had unlimited time and resources?

[00:10:05] See now the person will think and then answer you.

[00:10:10] Second thing what it does is it encourages a good discussion, a healthy discussion.

[00:10:19] For example, how do you think technology has changed the way we communicate with each other?

[00:10:25] The third thing it does, it inspires an insightful response.

[00:10:33] Example, what life lesson had you learned from a challenging experience?

[00:10:39] That the person will obviously share his lessons and you will get some learning from his experience.

[00:10:50] So, good questions do all these three things that stimulate thought, encourage discussion and inspire an insightful response.

[00:11:00] They also do a very important thing and that is solve problems and strengthen relationships.

[00:11:09] For example, there's a strain between two people in a relationship or there is a misunderstanding between them.

[00:11:19] To restore and deepen a strained relationship, the question, a good question could ask,

[00:11:27] how can we better understand each other's perspectives and feelings to move forward positively?

[00:11:35] Or you could ask what changes or efforts can we both make to strengthen our connection and trust?

[00:11:44] These kind of questions will make your partner open up, share their feelings and expectations demands from you.

[00:12:00] You can sit together and work it out.

[00:12:03] In a sense, right or a good question is that which is relevant, clear and purposeful.

[00:12:13] Such questions are designed to get detailed and thoughtful responses.

[00:12:18] But what are those?

[00:12:20] So, I give you here the tools to ask such questions.

[00:12:27] The first such tool is ask open-ended questions.

[00:12:32] These encourage detailed answers.

[00:12:36] For example, what do you think about our new project?

[00:12:39] Questions that start with why, what, when, how, where will always ennash it?

[00:12:45] An expansive reply.

[00:12:48] Thereafter, you can build up another question and your conversation is going to be really insightful with these.

[00:13:00] Pickint is the probing question.

[00:13:04] Now, under probing question falls those questions that dig deeper and these have two variations.

[00:13:14] So, they are actually the bold explorers that venture into the depths.

[00:13:22] Their mission is to uncover opinions, motivations and the hidden aspects of a situation.

[00:13:29] They often come after a surface level reply and can be initially uncomfortable but give the most outstanding richness.

[00:13:41] When you feel uncomfortable asking such questions, I give you one suggestion how to go about it.

[00:13:49] Take permission from the respondent.

[00:13:52] You could ask, may I ask you some questions to dig deeper into the matter?

[00:13:58] If the respondent gives you a green signal, go ahead.

[00:14:02] Probe further.

[00:14:04] They are extremely helpful to uncover the root cause of the matter.

[00:14:09] One variation of this is asking the five whys.

[00:14:16] Ask why.

[00:14:18] Whatever answer you get, again ask why, why, five times and it will lead you to the root cause of the problem.

[00:14:27] The third type of good question is clarifying question.

[00:14:34] And these are the map makers.

[00:14:38] They ensure that you understand the other person correctly instead of just assuming that you understood everything.

[00:14:46] Even though your interpretation could be different from what the respondent meant, you could ask.

[00:14:53] Ask through these clarifying options, questions.

[00:14:57] Can you elaborate on that or what do you mean by that?

[00:15:02] If there is a gap in your understanding that would get filled.

[00:15:08] Asking the right question is crucial in many areas of life.

[00:15:13] It's a useful skill in both professional and casual conversations.

[00:15:20] Whether you are networking or solving problems, good questioning is a flexible tool that fits any situation.

[00:15:30] To wrap up, keep in mind the radiat Kipling's wisdom.

[00:15:39] I keep six honest serving men.

[00:15:43] Why, how, what, when, where and whom.

[00:15:52] This quote emphasizes that effective communication hinges on asking the right questions.

[00:16:01] You will get the right answers then.

[00:16:04] By using these questions, why, what, how, when, where and whom, you can gain deeper insights,

[00:16:13] clarify misunderstandings and drive meaningful conversations.

[00:16:18] Mastering the art of asking questions transforms your communication, making it more engaging and impactful.

[00:16:28] That's all in this episode today.

[00:16:31] Hope you liked it. See you in the next one. Bye-bye.