"Unlock Your Potential: Delve into the 10 Forces of Emotion (Part 1)"

[00:00:00] First of all I am really really sorry for ghosting you all for last 2 weeks.

[00:00:05] I got caught up in the tide of life so I had to learn to surf.

[00:00:10] Anyways, today's topic is nothing less than a treasure.

[00:00:13] Today I'm going to give you 10 Emotions of Power.

[00:00:17] I'm going to tell you the negative emotions first then it's counter emotion of power.

[00:00:23] So there's gonna be a long one and enjoyable too.

[00:00:27] So get popcorn, get something to drink and we are going in a treasure hunt today.

[00:00:33] So for those who don't know me, I'm Rabjot Singh an automobile ingenium by profession

[00:00:38] and owner of Singh Automots Academy

[00:00:41] and I'm on a mission to help people live a life of emotional and financial freedom

[00:00:46] and this podcast is one of my ways to do it.

[00:00:48] This is episode 13 of 75 episodes challenge in which I am building a community of emotional and financially free individuals.

[00:00:57] So let's get into it.

[00:00:58] I suggest you to listen to this episode again and again

[00:01:02] so that when the actual moment of crisis arrives, you will know what you are feeling.

[00:01:07] I will also say that knowing about these emotions right now

[00:01:10] will not lead you to emotional mastery right away.

[00:01:13] Of course like any other skill you have to keep practicing it.

[00:01:17] So the first emotion is the feeling of discomfort.

[00:01:21] Uncomfortable emotions don't have a tremendous amount of intensity

[00:01:25] but they do bother us and create the nagging sensation that things are not quite right.

[00:01:31] The message basically discomfort wants to give you is through boredom,

[00:01:36] patience, unease distress or mild embarrassment

[00:01:40] are all giving you a simple message that something is not quite right.

[00:01:44] Maybe the way you are perceiving things is off

[00:01:48] or the actions you are taking are not producing the results you want.

[00:01:52] The solution is dealing with emotions of discomfort is quite simple.

[00:01:57] Clarify what do you want and refine your actions.

[00:02:01] Try a slightly different approach and see if you can't immediately change the way you are feeling about

[00:02:07] or maybe change the quality of results you are producing

[00:02:12] like all emotions if not dealt with uncomfortable feelings will intensify.

[00:02:18] Discomfort is somewhat painful but the anticipation of possible emotional pain

[00:02:23] is much more intense than the discomfort you might be feeling right now in the moment.

[00:02:29] You need to remember that our imagination can make things 10 times more intense

[00:02:34] than anything we could ever experience in our real life.

[00:02:38] In fact in chess and martial arts it is often said that the threat of the attack is more dangerous than the attack itself.

[00:02:47] When we begin to anticipate pain especially intense level of it

[00:02:52] often we begin to develop the emotion of fear which happens to be the second negative emotion of today.

[00:02:59] Fearful emotions include everything from low levels of concern and apprehension to intense worry,

[00:03:06] anxiety, fright and even terror.

[00:03:09] Fear serves a purpose and its message is very simple.

[00:03:13] The message is fear is simply the anticipation that something's going to happen soon needs to be prepared for.

[00:03:22] In other words, the simple boycott motto be prepared.

[00:03:26] We need either to prepare to cope with the situation or do something to change it.

[00:03:32] The tragedy is that most people try to deny their fear or value in it.

[00:03:38] Neither of these approaches is respecting the message that fear is trying to deliver.

[00:03:44] So it will continue to pursue you as it tries to get the message across.

[00:03:50] You don't want to surrender to fear and amplify it by starting to think of the worst could happen

[00:03:56] nor do you want to pretend it's not there.

[00:03:59] The solution is review what you are feeling fearful about

[00:04:03] and evaluate what you must do to prepare yourself mentally.

[00:04:09] Figure out what actions you need to take in order to deal with the situation in the best possible way.

[00:04:15] Sometimes we have done all the preparation we could for something.

[00:04:20] There's nothing else we can do but we still sit around in fear.

[00:04:24] This is the point where you must use the antidote to fear.

[00:04:28] You must make a decision to have faith.

[00:04:31] Knowing you have done all you can to prepare for whatever you are fearing from

[00:04:37] and that most fear in life rarely come to fruition.

[00:04:42] The next emotion we are discussing about is hurt.

[00:04:46] If there is any one emotion that seems to dominate human relationships,

[00:04:51] both personal and professional, it's the emotion of hurt.

[00:04:54] Feelings of hurt are usually generated by a sense of loss.

[00:04:59] When people are hurt, they often lash out on others.

[00:05:03] We need to hear the real message that hurt gives

[00:05:07] and the message is hurt gives us a signal that we have an expectation

[00:05:13] that has not been met many times

[00:05:16] and this feeling arise as a result

[00:05:18] that we expected somebody to keep their word and they didn't.

[00:05:22] Even if you didn't tell them your expectation

[00:05:25] that for example they are not meant to share something with others

[00:05:29] and you feel a loss of intimacy or maybe loss of trust

[00:05:34] and then you feel like you are getting hurt.

[00:05:37] The solution to this is realize that in reality you may not have lost anything.

[00:05:43] Maybe what you need to lose is the false perception

[00:05:46] that this person is trying to wound or hurt you

[00:05:51] and they don't really realize the impact of the actions they are having on your life.

[00:05:55] Secondly, take a moment and reevaluate the situation as yourself.

[00:06:00] Is there anything lost here or am I just judging the situation too soon or too harshly?

[00:06:06] Third solution is that you can help yourself get out of this sense of hurt

[00:06:12] too elegantly and too appropriately just by communicating your sense of loss to the other person.

[00:06:18] For example, if I say to someone that the other day XYZ thing happened

[00:06:23] and I don't really care but I felt a sense of loss.

[00:06:28] So can you clarify what really happened and that's it done.

[00:06:32] Communication is the best thing you can do to avoid any negative emotion

[00:06:37] especially hurt so that your relationships will go on for a long period of time until eternity.

[00:06:43] However, if hurt is not dealt with it often becomes amplified

[00:06:48] and turns into anger which happens to be our fourth emotion.

[00:06:53] Angry emotions include everything from being mildly irritated to being anger, resentful, furious or even enraged.

[00:07:03] The message of anger is that an important rule or standard that you hold for your life has been violated

[00:07:10] by someone else or even by you.

[00:07:12] When you get the message of anger you need to understand that you can literally change this emotion in a moment.

[00:07:20] The solution is to realize that you may have misinterpreted the situation completely

[00:07:26] and that your anger about this person breaking your rules is completely wrong.

[00:07:31] Maybe based on the fact that they don't know what is most important to you

[00:07:37] and when they realize it they might not violate the standard again.

[00:07:42] Ask yourself more empowering question in a long run.

[00:07:46] Is it true about this person that they really care if I get angry or not

[00:07:52] if they are breaking this rule or not and you'll get your answer immediately.

[00:07:56] Ask yourself what can I learn from this

[00:07:59] and how can I communicate the importance of these standards I hold for myself

[00:08:05] to this person in a way that causes them to want to help me and not violate my standard again in the future.

[00:08:12] For example, if you are angry then change your perception.

[00:08:15] Maybe this person really don't know your rules.

[00:08:18] Change your perception that you didn't effectively communicate the real need

[00:08:24] or change your behavior.

[00:08:26] Simply tell them that you don't want them to share some XYZ to someone else

[00:08:31] that it's really important to you.

[00:08:32] For many people consistent anger or failure to be able to meet the standards and rules

[00:08:39] lead to frustration which happens to be our fifth emotion of today.

[00:08:44] Frustration can come from many avenues.

[00:08:47] Anytime we feel like we are surrounded by roadblocks in our life

[00:08:52] where we are continuously putting out effort but not receiving rewards

[00:08:56] we tend to feel the emotion of frustration.

[00:08:59] The message of frustration is an exciting signal to be honest.

[00:09:03] It means that your brain believe you could be doing better than you currently are

[00:09:09] and what's better than this?

[00:09:10] You just realize that you have more capability to do.

[00:09:14] Frustration is very different than disappointment

[00:09:17] which is the feeling that something you want in your life but you will never get it.

[00:09:22] By contrast, frustration is a very positive sign.

[00:09:25] It means that the solution to your problem is within your range

[00:09:30] but what you are currently doing isn't working.

[00:09:33] So what you need to do is change your approach in order to achieve your goal.

[00:09:38] It signals for you to become more flexible how to deal with your frustration.

[00:09:44] The solution is simple.

[00:09:45] Realize that frustration is your friend and brainstorm new ways

[00:09:50] to get a result how you can flex your approach

[00:09:53] and get some input on how to deal with the situation.

[00:09:57] Find the role model someone who has found a way already

[00:10:01] to get to the result where you want to be and that's it.

[00:10:04] Frustration is gone.

[00:10:06] Get fascinated by what you can learn that could help you handle this challenge

[00:10:12] not only today but in the future in a way that it consumes less time and energy

[00:10:17] and actually creates joy.

[00:10:19] Much more devastating than frustration however is the feeling of disappointment

[00:10:25] which is our next negative emotion.

[00:10:27] This can be a very destructive emotion if you don't deal with it quickly.

[00:10:32] Disappointment is the devastating feeling of being let down

[00:10:37] or that you are going to miss out on something forever.

[00:10:41] Anything that makes you feel sad or defeated as a result of expecting more

[00:10:46] then you get disappointed.

[00:10:47] The message disappointment gives you is that an expectation you had for a goal

[00:10:52] you are really going for is probably not going to happen.

[00:10:56] So it's time to change your expectation make them more appropriate for this situation

[00:11:02] and to take action and set on to achieve a new goal immediately

[00:11:07] and that is the solution too.

[00:11:08] It is immediately figuring out something you can learn from this situation

[00:11:13] that could help you in the future to achieve the very thing

[00:11:17] you were after in the first place

[00:11:19] and something you can do immediately to make progress towards

[00:11:23] that you may be misjudging too soon

[00:11:26] and things you are disappointed on are mostly temporary challenges.

[00:11:31] You need to remember that God's delays are not God's denies.

[00:11:36] People often set themselves up for disappointment by having completely unrealistic expectations.

[00:11:42] If you go out today and plant a tree

[00:11:44] you can't come back tomorrow and expect it to become a tree.

[00:11:49] Oh, I guess I went wrong there.

[00:11:51] Yeah. Anyway, you got the point, right?

[00:11:53] A fourth major solution to dealing with disappointment

[00:11:56] is to realize that a situation isn't over yet

[00:12:00] and develop more patience completely to reevaluate

[00:12:04] what you truly want and begin to develop an even more effective plan

[00:12:10] for achieving it.

[00:12:11] The most powerful antidote to the emotion of disappointment

[00:12:15] is cultivating an attitude of positive expectancy

[00:12:19] about what will happen in the future regardless of what has occurred in the past.

[00:12:25] Ultimate disappointment is usually expressed in the emotion of guilt

[00:12:30] which happens to be a seventh emotion for today.

[00:12:33] The emotions of guilt, regret and remorse

[00:12:35] are among the emotions human beings do most to avoid in life

[00:12:40] and this is valuable.

[00:12:42] They are painful emotions for us

[00:12:43] but they serve a valuable function

[00:12:46] one which becomes apparent once we hear the message.

[00:12:50] The message, guilt will tell you that you have violated one of your own highest standard

[00:12:57] and that you must do something immediately

[00:13:01] to ensure that you are not doing this violation of the standard again in the future.

[00:13:07] If you recall in my previous episodes

[00:13:09] I have said it repeatedly that if you link enough pain to a behavior

[00:13:14] the person will eventually change

[00:13:17] and the strongest leverage is the pain we can give to ourselves.

[00:13:21] Guilt is the ultimate leverage for many people in changing their behavior.

[00:13:26] However, some people try to deal with their guilt by denying and suppressing it.

[00:13:31] Unfortunately this never really works.

[00:13:34] Guilt does not go away

[00:13:37] it only comes back stronger.

[00:13:39] The other extreme is to surrender to it and valor in guilt

[00:13:43] where we just begin to accept the pain and experience learned helplessness.

[00:13:48] This is not the purpose of guilt

[00:13:50] it's designed again to drive us to action, to create a change.

[00:13:55] People always fail to understand this

[00:13:58] and often feel so remorseful about something they once did

[00:14:02] that they allow themselves to feel inferior for the rest of their life.

[00:14:07] This is not the message of guilt.

[00:14:09] It's there to make sure you either avoid behaviors out of your certainty

[00:14:13] or if you have already violated your standard

[00:14:17] it's there to induce pain to get yourself to recommit to the standard once again.

[00:14:23] The solution is to acknowledge that you have in fact violated a critical standard

[00:14:28] you hold for yourself.

[00:14:30] Absolutely, commit yourself to making sure

[00:14:33] that this behavior will never happen again in the future.

[00:14:36] Some people manage to beat themselves up mentally and emotionally

[00:14:41] because they're constantly feeling to meet standard

[00:14:44] they hold for themselves virtually in every area of their life

[00:14:48] and as a result most of these people experience the feeling of inadequacy.

[00:14:54] The feeling of unworthiness occurs any time we feel

[00:14:58] we can't do something we should be able to do.

[00:15:02] The challenge of course is often we have a completely unfair rule

[00:15:07] for determining whether we are inadequate or not.

[00:15:11] First understand the message inadequacy is giving you.

[00:15:15] The message is that you don't presently have the level of skill

[00:15:20] necessary for the task in hand.

[00:15:22] It's telling you that you need more information understanding

[00:15:27] strategies, tools and confidence.

[00:15:30] The solution is very simple.

[00:15:32] Simply ask yourself,

[00:15:34] is this really an appropriate emotion for me to feel in the situation

[00:15:39] or am I really inadequate or do I have to change the way I'm perceiving things?

[00:15:44] If your feeling is justified,

[00:15:46] the message of inadequacy is that you need to find a way to do something better

[00:15:52] than you have done it before.

[00:15:55] I remember when I used to like someone

[00:15:58] she was preparing for a huge government exam

[00:16:00] and she always felt inadequate about herself

[00:16:04] that she used to always say me

[00:16:07] that in the dream of hers is ever gonna get come into reality

[00:16:12] or am I ever going to crack this exam or whatever

[00:16:16] and she's feeling an emotion of inadequacy at that moment.

[00:16:21] She does not have the skill strategies and information

[00:16:24] to crack that exam.

[00:16:26] When you feel a feeling of inadequacy,

[00:16:28] you often compare your dream to be as unrealistic.

[00:16:33] But let me tell you that whenever you feel inadequate,

[00:16:37] appreciate the encouragement to improve.

[00:16:40] Remind yourself that you are not perfect.

[00:16:43] You can begin to feel adequate the moment you decide to commit yourself

[00:16:48] to constant and never ending improvement in your area

[00:16:52] or whatever area you want to.

[00:16:54] The emotion is critical because when someone feels inadequate,

[00:16:58] they tend to fall in the trap of learned helplessness.

[00:17:03] They begin to see the problem as being a permanent one.

[00:17:06] They tell themselves no greater lie

[00:17:09] one could ever tell yourself that you are inadequate.

[00:17:13] You may be untrained, you may be unskilled

[00:17:16] in a particular area but you are never inadequate.

[00:17:20] I cannot emphasize more on that.

[00:17:23] The greatness in anything is within you even now.

[00:17:26] When you begin to feel that problems are permanent or pervasive

[00:17:31] or we have more things to deal with than we can possibly imagine,

[00:17:36] we tend to succumb to the emotions of overload and overwhelm.

[00:17:41] Grief, depression and helplessness are nearly expressions

[00:17:45] of feeling overloaded or overwhelmed.

[00:17:48] Grief happens when you feel like there is no empowering meaning

[00:17:53] for something that has happened or that your life is being negatively impacted

[00:18:00] by people's events or forces that are outside of your control.

[00:18:04] People in this state being overwhelmed and often begin to feel that

[00:18:09] nothing can change in the situation

[00:18:11] that the problem is too big, too permanent, pervasive and personal.

[00:18:16] People go into these emotional states whenever they perceive their world in a way

[00:18:21] that make them feel like there is more going on than they can possibly deal with.

[00:18:27] That the pace, amount or intensity or sensation seems overwhelming.

[00:18:33] The message of being overwhelmed is that you need to re-evaluate

[00:18:38] what most important to you in the situation.

[00:18:41] The reason you are overloaded is that you are trying to deal with too many things at once

[00:18:46] and you are trying to change everything overnight.

[00:18:50] The feeling of being overloaded or overwhelmed disrupts and destroys more people's life

[00:18:56] than just about any other emotion.

[00:18:59] The solution is that decide out of all the things you are dealing with in your life

[00:19:05] what's the absolute most important thing for you to focus on.

[00:19:10] Second is now write down all the things that are most important to you

[00:19:17] to accomplish and put them in an order of priority.

[00:19:20] Just putting them down on paper will allow you to begin to feel a sense of control over what's going on.

[00:19:28] Tackle the first thing going on on your list and continue to take action until you have mastered it.

[00:19:35] When you feel that it's appropriate to start letting go of an overwhelming emotion like grief,

[00:19:41] start focusing on what you can control and realize that there must be some empowering meaning to it

[00:19:48] even though you can't comprehend it yet.

[00:19:50] Probably the emotion that people fear the most however is the feeling of disconnection.

[00:19:57] Also known as loneliness and this is the last emotion and the 10th negative emotion I am discussing with you.

[00:20:05] Anything that makes you feel alone apart, separate from others falls in this category.

[00:20:12] Have you ever felt lonely?

[00:20:14] I don't think there is anybody alive who hasn't.

[00:20:17] The message of loneliness is that you need a connection with people.

[00:20:21] Now here I am not telling you that it means a sexual connection or an instant intimacy.

[00:20:28] They feel often frustrated because when they do have intimacy they still feel lonely.

[00:20:33] The solution to this is very simple.

[00:20:36] It is to realize that you can reach out and make connection immediately

[00:20:41] and you must realize that there are caring people everywhere.

[00:20:45] Identify what kind of connection you do need.

[00:20:49] Do you need an intimate connection?

[00:20:51] Maybe you just need some basic friendship.

[00:20:54] What's great about being lonely is I mean I really care about people.

[00:20:59] I love to be with them.

[00:21:00] I need to find out what connection I need with somebody right now

[00:21:05] and then I take the action immediately and make that happen.

[00:21:10] Loneliness gives you clarity about what relationships you want in your life at that moment.

[00:21:17] After that take immediate action to reach out to connect with someone.

[00:21:22] So there's your list for 10 action signals or emotions

[00:21:27] To fully utilize these 10 emotions which I have given you

[00:21:31] you must remember to review it several times

[00:21:35] and with each repetition look for positive messages that each emotion is giving you

[00:21:42] as well as the solutions you can use in the future.

[00:21:45] Almost all negative emotions have their basis in these 10 categories

[00:21:50] and some are hybrid of it.

[00:21:52] But you can deal with any emotion in the way we have discussed in this episode

[00:21:57] by going through the steps of getting curious and discovering the empowering meanings

[00:22:02] it offers you.

[00:22:03] You think of your mind as a garden to ensure a good harvest

[00:22:07] is to plant seeds like love, warmth, appreciation

[00:22:11] instead of seeds like disappointment, anger and fear.

[00:22:15] Begin to think that these emotions as weeds in your garden.

[00:22:19] A weed is a call to action isn't it?

[00:22:23] It says that you have got to do something

[00:22:26] or else it will ruin the whole garden which happens to be your mind.

[00:22:30] I have decided to make the episode in two parts

[00:22:32] as in the other episode I'm going to tell you the 10 opposites of these negative emotions

[00:22:39] which will cultivate your mind as a beautiful garden.

[00:22:42] I'm going to release that episode tomorrow itself

[00:22:45] so that we can get the complete hold of all those 10 emotions of power.

[00:22:50] So right now with this episode your key takeaways is all the negative emotions

[00:22:56] which are called to actions in your life, their message and the solution.

[00:23:01] So if you are facing any of these emotions right now

[00:23:04] you know what to do.

[00:23:06] Listen to this episode several times and write them up.

[00:23:10] Keep it with you at all the time so that the moment of crisis comes

[00:23:14] you don't have to listen to my episode again and again.

[00:23:17] You will have just a paper where everything is written down.

[00:23:20] I will not say I don't feel these emotions

[00:23:24] but now I know how to handle these emotions just by looking at their solutions.

[00:23:30] And you can do that too.

[00:23:32] We are humans, we always feel something at some moment of time

[00:23:37] but we have to release all the negative emotions as quickly as possible

[00:23:41] so that we can enjoy life and be happy in it

[00:23:45] except new people, except love, except every good thing in our life

[00:23:49] and take it as a blessing and be thankful to the ultimate universe of God.

[00:23:54] Thank you for today.

[00:23:55] Thank you for bearing with me till now.

[00:23:57] I know this is a long episode and I'm really grateful that you have listened to me.

[00:24:04] Thank you.

[00:24:04] This is Rabjot Singh, your host.

[00:24:07] Take care and keep being awesome.