The Can Do Way, Accredited Master Coach, Author, and #PKDWarrior, Gail Gibson shares The Story of Two Arrows – My ADPKD (Autodominant Polycystic Kidney Disease) Journey.

[00:00:01] Hi, I'm Gail Gibson, accredited Master Performance Coach, International Speaker, Podcast Host, and Author. Known as the Can Do Coach, I thrive on enabling leaders to step up, shake it off, and shine. Welcome to my podcast, The Can Do Way. My guests from across the

[00:00:22] globe have Can Do stories of growth, resilience, and success to share. Tune in and be inspired by these individuals who have developed a strong Can Do approach. Each one of their stories is unique. Each one of their stories has a key message.

[00:00:42] The Story of Two Arrows My ADPKD Autodominant Polycystic Kidney Disease Journey. The story of the second arrow is a well-known Buddhist story about dealing with suffering more skill-free. It is said the Buddha once asked a student,

[00:01:01] If a person is struck by an arrow, is it painful? If the person is struck by a second arrow, is it even more painful? He went on to explain, In life we can't always control the first arrow. However, this second arrow is our

[00:01:21] to the first. This second arrow is optional. The initial shock is that it hurts. Now that I know what it is, I can choose whether I react or respond to the situation. I've not always taken that approach. There have been times when I lost myself completely.

[00:01:42] I gave permission for my emotions to take control. I felt the full pain of the first arrow. An instant shock to the system. Pain radiating throughout my body and sending my thoughts into overdrive. Feelings of I don't deserve this. I look after myself.

[00:02:03] I don't want my life to change. Resistance to the condition and what it represents in that moment. When I felt this way, I noticed my symptoms increased. Low energy, feeling more tired, restless, unable to sleep. A fast spiral downward. Not a typical emotional pattern for me,

[00:02:26] but one that began as my kidney functions started to decline. Being in the dark doesn't feel good for me. Wallowing is wasteful of my time and energy. I know I am not showing myself deep compassion. My resistance puts an obstacle in my path. I cannot see my way

[00:02:48] through the fog. Some might say I have a depressive streak. I agree. The rollercoaster of emotion rolls fast, then slow depending on the day. But deep down, I know I have the power

[00:03:03] to take back control and get off the rollercoaster. I can choose to stay in the dark or dig deep and find a way to the light. I've known about my kidney conditions since the age of 19 years old.

[00:03:17] Not something new. I put my AD PKD into a box and shoved it to the back of my mind for many years. And that's the thing, from my life aged 19 to now at 55, I've been 99.9% asymptomatic

[00:03:37] of the kidney condition. So not a shot from the arrow until recent times. I always knew it was in me. However, I lived my life fully, making good and not so good life choices in

[00:03:50] terms of diet and lifestyle at times. Since my 40s, I made several significant life changes. I quit corporate life, started my own business, kicked a 20 plus year habit of smoking, prioritized health first, shifted my mindset positively, took control of my reality,

[00:04:13] shaped my life according to personal and professional experiences, connections, conversations, celebration, reflection, listening, reading, travel, death, grief, failure, and so much more. Fast forward to today. Now at 55 years old, I know it is my can do

[00:04:33] approach to life that has enabled me to manage the decline of my kidneys, positively and proactively. I feel the pain of the second arrow. It is there constantly. Nothing can pull out either arrow. I was born with the condition. I will always have the condition. I will die

[00:04:54] with the condition. How I cope with the condition is up to me. When I reflect on the dark times I've experienced, resistance to change is the first thing that stands out. In some ways, this

[00:05:07] is strange, as I'm someone who normally embraces change and all it offers. Throughout my life, change has been constant. Either change forced on me or change I've initiated. Either way, I have learned to see the opportunity of change. Not always liking it at first,

[00:05:26] but finding a way to work through it and see where it takes me. Losing control is about facing fear. When I think about my dark times, fear was there on my shoulder.

[00:05:38] Fear of letting go of myself, my body, my good life. Why? These things were in my control, but approaching a kidney transplant is scary. The life I have and love removed. It will be

[00:05:53] different. Do I want a different life? But what if this different life can be even better than my current life? That's a reframe in action. What I can do for longer without dying, with and for my loved ones, family, friends, clients, colleagues, and the world. Being

[00:06:13] naturally curious has helped build a candour approach to change. Facing challenges in childhood through teenage years and as an adult has taught me so much about myself and others. Change teaches you to fail, to evaluate, to explore, to challenge perspectives and to find

[00:06:32] that special something inside yourself eventually. That internal grit and determination to reach the other side and seize the possibilities ahead. Facing change means letting go of control, facing that fear head on and driving yourself forward. It is like the challenge of climbing

[00:06:52] a steep hill. Each step you take takes the breath out of you. You walk on, stopping for a breath every now and then. You look up, the top seems out of reach. You want to give up,

[00:07:06] turning around and not going back to your car. That's easy. That is not facing the challenge ahead, head on. Breathe in, dig deep and take one step at a time. Stay focused on your steps. Look around and notice the journey. Before you know it, you've reached the top.

[00:07:26] You had it in you. You've reframed your thinking, found a way and made it. And what a view! It's always better at the top. Developing a strong mindset through consistent practice gives rise to resilience. When you get knocked down, you get back up

[00:07:43] again, repeatedly. You strengthen your resolve by taking back control of how you work your way through the challenge of change. You face it head on and say, this thing is part of me.

[00:07:56] It has the power to shape who I can become when I accept, embrace and commit to the possibility. Who would have thought the pain of a second arrow could wield such positive power? I can do this. I found a way to move through from resistance to acceptance.

[00:08:15] In one word, surrender. Watching from the sidelines across the world has exposed me to the different APPKD experiences of close family. My mum and her brother inherited the condition. Both chose different medical paths to extend their life. My mum spent 15 years on dialysis,

[00:08:37] a challenging experience for her and us. Sadly, her health declined and she died in 2002, aged 62 years. Throughout her 15 years of medical care, I witnessed her rollercoaster of emotions. Her strong Christian faith was her rock, supporting her mind and soul as she rode the

[00:08:58] health peaks and troughs of her condition. Resilient yet stubborn, mum's determination to live was strong. She never gave up. My uncle chose the transplant route. After one deceased and one living donor, he lived fully to the age of 80.

[00:09:16] In my immediate family, my brother, younger sister and I inherited the condition. In 2007, my brother had a successful living donor transplant. His wife was his perfect match. In 2023, my sister had a successful living donor transplant via the paired exchange

[00:09:35] programme in Australia. Each one of my loved ones gave permission to surrender to the process. Surrender is another act of letting go. By no means an easy thing to do. It takes time

[00:09:49] and practice to adopt new ways of doing things that have a positive impact on your life. Thinking about the struggle I created when I jumped on board to ride the rollercoaster through dangerous ups and down curves of emotion, the idea of surrender was not even in view.

[00:10:08] Watching, listening and learning from the experiences of those closest to me has been the best education. Each one coped in their own way. Each one shared a unique perspective about their personal experience. Each coping strategy and perspective gifted me an

[00:10:26] opportunity to see the process in a unique way. For me, this lightened the load of what I was struggling with. Their experiences helped me realise that if I continued to fight against my fear and the coming change, the pain from both arrows would become greater, agonisingly so.

[00:10:47] If I choose to surrender to the process, to go with the flow of facing my fear and fully embracing change, then my pain threshold increases on a deep, not superficial level. I am in the kidney

[00:11:00] process with a potential living donor by a direct or paired exchange, soon hopefully. The arrows embedded, the pain is real, yet I choose to go with the flow, open to the curiosity of the experience and positive about the future me.

[00:11:17] In the words of Pink Floyd, I'm comfortably numb. Thank you for listening to my podcast, The Can Do Way. Do you live and breathe a can do attitude? Since 2019, my podcast has gifted listeners across the globe access to an incredible selection of guests with stories to refresh

[00:11:39] your perspective, bring you joy and inspire can do positivity. Always curious and with an insatiable appetite for a good yarn, I invite you to be a guest on my weekly show. If you have an inspiring perspective, a life-changing experience or an intriguing

[00:11:58] story to share, then drop me an email at gaelmgibson.com. Until next week's show, do share the inspiration of The Can Do Way podcast with your friends, colleagues and clients and wherever you are listening from in the world. Remember to make every day an amazing Can Do Day.