Father's Day Compilation

[00:00:00] Pops in a pod, Pops in a pod. When you think about it, over the last three years or so, it's been a very similar journey with a lot of the dads that we spoke to. There are so many conversations that we've had that,

[00:01:06] when I look back at it even today, you know when things really click. I mean, there are certain pieces of the conversation that we've had on the podcast that I'm sure you can agree just stays with us so many years later also, right?

[00:01:24] Absolutely. And this episode is just about that. We have selected four audio clips from all the dads that we've spoken to.

[00:01:35] Why four? Because these four sort of stick out in the last three years that we have been podcasting and these are some of the conversations that we remember and we keep repeating it to people when we meet them.

[00:01:46] So yeah, this is a compilation episode and the first audio clip that we would like you to hear is this classic, classic audio piece by Dr. Kapoor from this episode, Science of Dads.

[00:02:04] And it was such an eye-opener for us. He said something so interesting about the whole pregnancy phase. I'm not going to say anything. Just check out the clip.

[00:02:15] Right? So what is happening? I mean, the differences in how children's outcomes come out is not able to actually explain it. That's when they really started focusing on dads.

[00:02:26] But what we've been now doing is that now there is this huge global community which is working on seeing because you know now we are looking at them trying to understand how dads play a role.

[00:02:39] So we do a number of experiments all across the fortunately even science has been able to look at it in a beautiful way, which is today with things like fMRI that is functional MRI.

[00:02:51] So what we can actually do is look at which areas of brain are getting activated by when the child is there both in the parents and in the child.

[00:03:03] And then are these beautiful pictures which come out. Right? And you can actually really see what is happening in the child's mind at that point of time. Right? So one of the very interesting things that came out is, let me just put this across.

[00:03:20] When you people that fathers, I want you to go back into your life when you, your wife was pregnant and I would like to say both of you that is your wife and you were pregnant.

[00:03:30] But let me ask you this. Did you notice that during those nine months of pregnancy, you gained exactly as much weight as the weight of your child? Guilty. This is something I've actually talked about on the podcast, right?

[00:03:48] It's absolutely true. In fact, just a couple of weeks ago, so my wife has a habit of going back to old photographs and she set up this thing.

[00:04:02] I think it's on Google or something where every day it tells you last year what you did on the same day. So it's a great way to sort of revive your memories and this one specific photo keeps coming up where I have just ballooned.

[00:04:13] I've become huge and it's amazing. What is it like? Is it because of all the pressure and the tension of introducing a new human being into your home, which you are just completely not ready for?

[00:04:25] And that's why you've taken to eating or whatever it is. It was just fascinating. And I'm so glad that you brought it up because we did notice it. We did notice physical changes in ourselves and not just the wife.

[00:04:34] So yeah, with me actually it was the opposite. I remember the first trimester of my wife getting like morning sickness and there were certain foods that she absolutely couldn't enjoy.

[00:04:45] Like egg, something that we would eat regularly. She just couldn't handle the smell of egg and we love going out to eat. And at this point I was like, yeah, come on, she's pregnant.

[00:04:57] A lot of times when we went out, we would order two separate dishes but she could not even like finish even half of that.

[00:05:05] And I was like, okay, I can't let this go away. So there were times where I was eating my entire meal, part of her meal and then in like six months it showed like I still remember baby sharp pictures.

[00:05:18] Everyone was like, whoa, what happened to you? And I was like, yeah. So I know exactly what Nath is talking about looking back at pictures. Absolutely, absolutely. So that's so beautiful that you people actually noticed it.

[00:05:33] So now let me just introduce something. So both of you suffered from, suffered, I'm using the word suffered very wrongly but I'm using the word from what is known as the Kuwait syndrome.

[00:05:46] Okay, now what does that mean? So a lot of us used to earlier, so this earlier used to be known as sympathetic pregnancy that fathers sympathetically become pregnant along with the this thing.

[00:05:59] But now what we understand is that that's not true. It's actually a biological changes which are happening inside your body. So you can actually predict the weight of the child by seeing how much weight did the father gain during this thing. It almost matches with, right?

[00:06:18] That's amazing. I did not know that. So secondly, I would say, okay, so what is that one thing which our Hindi movies or the Bollywood have made it so famous as pregnancy means this. The vomiting that we see on the morning sickness that we see.

[00:06:34] Katta kana. Absolutely, right? Now all of those changes happen absolutely within the father's too. So there was this study which was done in Poland, right? Where they saw morning sickness, weight gain, increased appetite, katta kana and all of that.

[00:06:58] At least one or two of these symptoms are present in 72% of the fathers, sorry, 72%. And 23% of the fathers have all of them put together. So that's when there actually a lot of research started into saying how does this even happen?

[00:07:21] That was Dr. Kapoor. So poignant, right, Pita? And it just hits you. It's like, oh my God, yeah, that actually happened. I remember your reaction so well in that episode.

[00:07:35] I remember that moment. I was like, oh dude, this guy has given me all the information I was looking for all these years scientifically, right? I totally understood why put on so much weight when my wife was pregnant.

[00:07:51] But let's be honest, the difference was after the delivery, the weight stayed with me and it went off her. So yeah, it was something great and you know, I really enjoyed that discussion with Dr. Kapoor.

[00:08:06] Another clip we're going to listen to is from Jose Kovako, aka Jose on Instagram or Twitter if you follow him there. Now, if you follow Jose online, you know he's a funny guy.

[00:08:21] But one of the things I really enjoyed about Nadir Yorke conversation with him was that at some point I would say he got very introspective about his journey and also his journey as a parent.

[00:08:36] Yeah, and there was this one point that he plugged in and highlighted about what happens to him as an individual or happened rather when he became a father.

[00:08:49] Again, check out the clip. I think it's so important that every person, not just dads, should listen to this particular clip by Jose Kovako. Go check it out.

[00:09:01] Yeah, for sure man. You know the thing is I genuinely believe that we have such little time on this planet and they're cutting all the trees and I don't know what to do.

[00:09:11] But no, genuinely I feel like, I mean how much of time can we waste in meaningless experiences and after you become a parent, you're like, man, this little child, I want to do everything for it. Exactly. So, and children definitely bring meaning. I genuinely believe this.

[00:09:29] I mean if I had not met my wife or had this child, I would have just been sitting on Kata Road or something doing nothing. I swear to God. I mean not that sitting on Kata Road is a bad thing. It's great.

[00:09:41] But at some point you have to find some meaning somewhere. But whatever. So, yeah, I try to not let being a parent affect the kind of content that I make because mostly the content that I make is explicit and it's raw.

[00:09:59] I try not to edit out all the expeltives and stuff like that because you shouldn't have to stop living just because you're a parent. Right. I mean, are you going to stop finding dirty jokes funny because you've become a parent now?

[00:10:13] I mean then every step of the way you stop enjoying things about your life. So, I mean whatever. And also life is not black and white.

[00:10:20] So, whatever. I don't know. It all depends on how much you care about what the public thinks of you or whatever it is. But I don't think anyone should stop living just because you had a child and everyone stops living I think for the first 3, 4 to 18 years.

[00:10:34] You stop living because you had a child. I mean it's not right. It's not fair also. I mean now modern day we have so many different ways to deal with things. So, I think when our parents were dealing with things they were just being parents.

[00:10:49] They would give up everything to just take care of the kids. But we can afford to do other things because we have things like the internet now. I mean at least in my case I feel like I can put content out.

[00:11:00] Otherwise I'd imagine doing a 9 to 5 job man. I was doing television. Radio was great. I'd never want to leave radio. But I don't think I could do television and have a child at the same time.

[00:11:12] I don't know how people do it. Hands off to people because it's such a... It's more than a 9 to 5 job. You're working sometimes 9 to 9. You know what it's like. It's crazy. So, I don't know.

[00:11:22] So yeah, there was a point when I was very stressed about letting go of that because that's your monthly bread right? You don't want to let go of that. It's security in a way.

[00:11:34] Sure. But I always wanted to make that shift out of doing stuff for a company and wait for stuff like that and get into doing my own content. But I remember in between thinking, man, I have a child. I have a family. Should I give her a shot?

[00:11:50] Yes, everybody should give her a shot as long as you're not going to ruin yourself. But yeah. Jose was so bang on. You cannot lose your individuality just because you have become a father.

[00:12:03] And I think that is a very, very important lesson for all of us that don't forget. Change obviously is inevitable but that doesn't mean you have to change yourself so dramatically just because you've taken on a new personal journey in your life. Oh yeah. Totally.

[00:12:20] Jose, if you go to his Instagram account right now, makes really funny content with his daughter also. And I like how he's stuck to what he's doing being his funny self and not changing at all.

[00:12:34] I mean, I was thinking about it. Can you imagine if like Jose started doing like motivational content as a parent or something? Hey Jose, if you're listening and even considering doing that, just warning you right?

[00:12:48] And Jose, if in a very hypothetical, you know, parallel universe, if you did become that person, sorry, but I wouldn't really follow you on Instagram. On to the next clip. Last year we had Pooja Jauri and Varun Dugi Rala on the podcast.

[00:13:07] And one of the most relatable parts of that episode for me was when Varun spoke about his experience right after his daughter was born. I think every dad who heard that episode could relate to it and knows exactly what I'm talking about.

[00:13:25] Let's be honest, right? Sometimes dads don't have all the answers or know what to do. No absolutely. I think your journey, my journey, if anyone would have a different story to tell,

[00:13:38] but even through all those different stories there is a certain common point where all fathers will probably stop and think and say, yeah, I remember those times. Let's hear Varun's experience post delivery. Let me first explain the fact that we were both in shock after having a kid.

[00:13:59] We did not know. We were like, oh, we're so cool. We brought up two puppies. Yeah, we are going to be damn good at it. But remember this is public knowledge again.

[00:14:07] We struggled to have a baby. We've had multiple miscarriages and so there was this whole process that led up to Leia. Our focus was, it was our project was let's have a baby. Then the baby came.

[00:14:21] We didn't know what to do. And that's what we were really shocked because our entire life changed. Has anybody seen The Walking Dead? I was that zombie in the house. I was walking around with like, oh, my life is screwed. I don't know what is going on.

[00:14:37] Screwed in the sense like, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what my role was. I was just walking around and also all the parents were there. And my dad told me, can you just like snap out of this?

[00:14:46] You look like you are like, you're like walking death across the south because I'm just like walking like a zombie. It's like Varun is looking for the manual that the baby got along but I can't find it. I think all of us went through that.

[00:14:58] Like, am I going to like really like, it's almost like that you get a toaster and you don't know the settings and you'll burn to bread. That's exactly how it was.

[00:15:07] You know that it's true that women have so much more information out there compared to men and Varun, you should do something about that by the way. These guys are doing that. Exactly.

[00:15:16] I didn't want to do the self brag but I know exactly what Varun is talking about. I mean, when Nader and I first started the podcast three years ago, it was this very reason and I keep bringing this up but I have Nader to credit for it.

[00:15:29] If Nader didn't write his blog, I wouldn't have known half the things that I knew when my son was born and then we decided that hey, you know, blogging is 2010. Let's do a podcast about it.

[00:15:42] And it's through this conversations that we've had with so many dads we've realized that, you know, there's a lot of information out there. Women aren't talking about it but men aren't.

[00:15:53] And I must appreciate at least you saying that, you know, you're the guy in The Walking Dead because none of the guys want to talk about it. Everyone wants to be that macho, you know, I cracked it and stuff like that. Can I just tell you why?

[00:16:05] I think most dads are as involved. I think now they are but I think a lot of dads, it was not a dad's job to be that involved anyway. Dad would just go back to work and that was the thing.

[00:16:14] And I don't think it's a bad thing but they weren't told to do anything different. And also, you know what Peter said and something whatever you said Pooja is the fact that the mums have to be so involved because of biological reasons.

[00:16:27] But nobody understands there are quite a few fathers and you know, Varun as you also rightly said that there's a mindset that, you know, dad has to go out to work.

[00:16:36] But because of this whole new age parenting that you guys spoke about as well and I think all of us are living that nobody wants to understand that what dad's also going through. Nobody wants to put it out there.

[00:16:48] There's this unnecessary machismo attached to parenting where men just kind of want to keep that embraced and even if they're going through a very tough time like I,

[00:16:56] there was a period I think when my daughter was about three to four months and there was a point where I broke down something just happened

[00:17:03] and my wife was not taking certain things too well and it kind of rubbed off me and it just kind of broke down. And it happened for the first time. I never thought it would happen and it happened and we speak about it all the time.

[00:17:14] And why don't you know, men come out and speak about it? It's so important because I think that's how that information needs to flow.

[00:17:21] And this is exactly why you know, Peter and I are kind of doing this, encouraging more and more dads to say just come out and tell your story.

[00:17:27] So that is what I think what we wanted to check that post your child and as you said, you also a walking zombie and everything. It's a very interesting part because when you look back now, you know, you know the kind of things that you're doing.

[00:17:38] And if it all you ever feel like having another baby, you know. To take corrective measures. And also the interesting thing is that three or four months, I think that three or four months is when we had a conundition where she sat with not saying,

[00:17:48] can you just snap out of this thing you're in and she was going through a lot herself. Yeah, I mean, so again conditioning, right?

[00:17:56] What your role is supposed to be when you have the baby and your mind is not able to accept that you're supposed to do their role entirely. And we sat down and had that discussion. Listen, you and I made the baby, right? This is just not on me.

[00:18:12] And he was like, absolutely. Let's sit down and make this and again communication because I was like, I want to do X, Y and Z. So what if I'm a mum? That doesn't mean my life is over.

[00:18:23] And that doesn't mean that, you know, you have to carry the weight of the entire world on your shoulders. We're going to split this equally. And the moment we did that, where we again sat down and wrote down our ambitions that didn't have to change at all.

[00:18:39] We just revisited them all over again and say, hey listen, we still want the same things. We just have another person with us and that helped. Those few years is where our relationship really evolved.

[00:18:51] Like till then you know, you go through a phase as a couple when you enjoy going out, traveling, you're doing all of that stuff. But when you have a kid is when you really become a team because you have to be a team.

[00:19:04] If you're not a team, it's just going to be, you know, either you're going to have bitterness or you're going to have distance. You're going to have all that stuff. We were a team.

[00:19:11] I would never call it shifts because we would swap for each other when the other person needed that time to do something else.

[00:19:17] But over time as she grew and what's been interesting and what's been amazing for us is that I think post-lair being six months is when I first really connected with her because I'm like, I think until six months you're keeping the baby alive. Let's be honest.

[00:19:30] Your job is to make sure these little things are alive. And the guys actually have like a very specific role also, right? There is no reaction to what you're doing. At what of five, six months when the babies start to react and that's when you really feel stuff.

[00:19:42] You're like, okay, I won't have fun with this. And that was Varun Dugirala talking about his postpartum journey and how he dealt with that. And the last clip to end this episode is from one episode that I keep going back to and I think you also do that.

[00:20:00] It's with Ankit Jindal. Ankit is visually impaired. Now what struck me about him is that while we just said, right, that every dad's journey is different, his is particular unique.

[00:20:15] And the thing I keep taking inspiration from is that no matter what happened, no matter what obstacle he faced, he took it head on, especially when it came to parenting. Absolutely.

[00:20:28] What an inspiration, absolute inspiration from a man who did not let his visual impairment sort of let him down. He just went ahead and marched on, did his work professionally and personally. So trust me, you want to hear this next clip from Mr. Jindal. Yes.

[00:20:50] So if we have to talk about that fun thing of being a parent or a being a father, I would say it's one of the most beautiful experiences that one have. It takes its own journey to come to terms with it. Some of us accept it early.

[00:21:09] Some of it, you know, takes a little more time to kind of get into the groove of this.

[00:21:17] But I think having those small engagements with your child, you know, being that companion for them in the in the bed and giving them the stories, the bedtime stories or the whole conversation and just to listen to them. I think it's really, really very liberating.

[00:21:37] It kind of gives you a direction in life. It offers a lot more stability also. So if at all anybody is having any doubts of embracing parenthood, I just say, I just don't think twice. It's still one of the most beautiful experiences. We all have conditions.

[00:21:58] We all have different journeys that we had me to traverse with. But still, I think no matter what the situation is, we can still, you know, traverse that part and your child will only be a very, very beautiful part of that whole journey.

[00:22:19] I think if there's anyone who's been on our podcast who can give advice and someone you have to kind of really sit up and notice when he's talking, I think it's Uncle Jindal. So I hope everyone enjoyed what he had to say about parenting.

[00:22:37] But I think that's a wrap on this episode. To all our listeners, I'd highly encourage you if you enjoy what we do at Pops in a Pod. Do hit subscribe or follow on the platform you're listening to.

[00:22:50] We are available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, GeoSahvan, whichever platform you listen to podcasts, we are available. Yeah. If you guys ever need to connect with us, just search for Pops in a Pod on Instagram and we are right there.

[00:23:10] We make some decent content and we also put up new episodes twice at least in a month. So make sure that you all tune in and hear them out until next time. Have a great week ahead.

[00:23:25] Hope you all enjoyed your Father's Day weekend and did something meaningful for your kids.