episode 20: How to avoid Gaslighting

[00:00:00] Hello my lovely people, warm welcome to Hina's Emo wisdom podcast.

[00:00:04] This is Hina Ambareen Khan, certified wellness coach, certified life coach, speaker, author,

[00:00:08] former soil scientist from Indian Institute of Science.

[00:00:10] Well today's topic is about how you can avoid gaslighting which is a very common phrase

[00:00:15] and the common word that is heard worldwide and even you can watch on this social media

[00:00:22] as well.

[00:00:23] But let me give you some glimpse of what actually is this and how it's going to

[00:00:27] affect you and how you can take care of gaslighting.

[00:00:29] That's very very common and just like that we cannot use this word my dear friends and

[00:00:34] there is an in-depth meaning of it and you have to understand is this gaslighting and

[00:00:39] to know more about that you can seriously connect with me and I'm going to help you

[00:00:43] out where you can have healthy relationships, where you can save yourself from any kind

[00:00:47] of red flags or any kind of danger that you are going to encounter in your relationships.

[00:00:52] Well my dear lovely people as I have told you and I've been telling you anything

[00:00:56] that I talk is related with the life experiences of my own life experience or it can you know

[00:01:03] resonate with you as well.

[00:01:04] So what is gaslighting?

[00:01:06] It's a psychological abuse when a person will cause someone to question their own

[00:01:11] sanity or the perception of reality.

[00:01:14] We start doubting our own worth, our own sanity right and this can lead to stress,

[00:01:19] anxiety, confusion, low self-esteem, what not.

[00:01:23] We feel that and because I have gone through all that.

[00:01:26] So when you are feeling it, you start hating yourself.

[00:01:31] You may not be that person but you start hating yourself because they have impacted

[00:01:35] on your mind in that way because you had lots of love given by them and after you

[00:01:42] know learning about you so well they try putting you down whether they know you

[00:01:47] very well or not they want to attack the broken pieces or the weaker ones.

[00:01:52] So confidence plays a very important role for which reason I tell you just join me

[00:01:56] because I am a emotional wisdom building coach and confidence building coach.

[00:02:00] Just connect with me because these two traits are very important in any person

[00:02:04] and also I am a wellness coach.

[00:02:06] I help people and the overall wellness.

[00:02:08] Okay so it is very essential to identify when someone is gaslighting you.

[00:02:12] There are some tips that I'm going to tell you.

[00:02:14] You can differentiate between the truth and the distortion.

[00:02:17] Always remember there is a truth.

[00:02:19] They are saying something which a distorted image.

[00:02:22] Because they want to put you down.

[00:02:23] They want you to doubt your own worth insanity and those who gaslight you,

[00:02:27] they often distort the truth, manipulate you and tell you about their

[00:02:31] own version of events.

[00:02:32] It would not have happened but they say oh you had done this.

[00:02:35] I saw you doing that.

[00:02:36] Yes, you have done it.

[00:02:37] Yes, you said like this.

[00:02:39] You understand and tell you about their version of events.

[00:02:43] In such cases, it is crucial for you to analyze a conversation and

[00:02:47] differentiate between the reality and distortion.

[00:02:50] Always remember you need to have practice.

[00:02:53] A lot of patience my dear lovely people.

[00:02:55] Patience plays a very good role.

[00:02:57] Your silence also plays a very good role.

[00:03:00] See when that person becomes very good to you,

[00:03:02] you don't have to tell of everything.

[00:03:03] Yeah it's like this.

[00:03:05] You know it happened like this to me.

[00:03:06] No and because you have seen what the person has been doing

[00:03:10] but because you have got addicted to that love and again their abuse,

[00:03:14] again the love, again their abuse.

[00:03:16] You are in a confusion state.

[00:03:17] Neither you can leave nor you can live.

[00:03:20] So better first practice patience.

[00:03:23] Avoid making hasty decisions and blaming yourself.

[00:03:27] Stop stop stop stop blaming yourself as a result of things that others say to

[00:03:32] gaslight you.

[00:03:33] You have to practice patience.

[00:03:34] Pull yourself away from that situation to analyze further.

[00:03:37] See, you may say that I'm really living under the same roof.

[00:03:40] I live with that person and how can I do it?

[00:03:42] That is you have to prefer silence when that person is not there and

[00:03:46] connect with yourself, understand what's happening because there's so

[00:03:49] much of chaos you cannot understand that inner voice that is telling you something.

[00:03:55] Okay, see as I said, you have to seek help when the situation is not in

[00:04:00] control.

[00:04:00] You have been facing this because making it more and more years to go

[00:04:05] better take the step.

[00:04:07] If you are unable to communicate your concerns to the other person who are

[00:04:11] gaslighting you, it is essential right that you have to consult or

[00:04:15] take the help of a professional.

[00:04:18] You need a professional to help you out who can provide you a resolution.

[00:04:22] So I'm telling you please please please do connect with me.

[00:04:25] Yeah, it'll be that's my job.

[00:04:28] That's my job to help you people.

[00:04:29] You have to clearly set the boundaries setting boundaries with those who

[00:04:32] gaslight you create a line of control.

[00:04:34] Remember because this is going to help you prevent certain situations of

[00:04:38] manipulation.

[00:04:39] You have to say, you know, no, I do not like this the way you're

[00:04:42] behaving or you do not talk to me now or we're not going to continue this

[00:04:46] conversation for some time now.

[00:04:48] You have to lay a strong boundary.

[00:04:50] You don't have to feel bad about it.

[00:04:52] You stop fearing the first informers fear.

[00:04:54] Stop fear the fear.

[00:04:56] Oh, I may lose this person or I may lose the kids or this may happen.

[00:04:59] No, stop fearing anybody.

[00:05:00] I'm a lose this job.

[00:05:01] The fear is the one that is, you know, sucking you every time because of

[00:05:06] their fear.

[00:05:06] Neither you can live nor you can leave.

[00:05:08] Yeah.

[00:05:10] And for your kind information, my dear lovely people, as I said, these

[00:05:13] are the only certain small tips that I wanted to give you.

[00:05:17] But still this cannot break you provided you stand strong when you

[00:05:24] start believing in yourself because they make you stop believing in

[00:05:28] yourself.

[00:05:29] You would have lost your own worth in your own sight.

[00:05:32] This is the way they want to make you.

[00:05:35] And when they are making this, it's because of them.

[00:05:39] It doesn't mean to say that you have to become the same.

[00:05:41] You ask yourself, connect with yourself what you had been before.

[00:05:46] How strong you were.

[00:05:47] Connect with any of the situation where that confidence was

[00:05:51] executing in you.

[00:05:52] It was emanating in you, that positive energy in you.

[00:05:55] What best thing you would have done that you were feeling so

[00:05:58] happy about yourself or so confident.

[00:06:01] Just connect with that and ask yourself, where am I now?

[00:06:04] What is happening with me now?

[00:06:05] Why have I start believing in myself?

[00:06:08] Somebody is always guilt tripping you, making you feel guilty,

[00:06:11] making you feel at fault.

[00:06:13] Then it's a red flag.

[00:06:15] You understand.

[00:06:16] For no mistake of yours, even for every little bit of thing,

[00:06:19] if only the flaws are seen, then you are living in a poisonous

[00:06:23] relationship.

[00:06:24] You have to understand that.

[00:06:25] You have the complete right to live your life.

[00:06:28] You cannot succumb your life to a relationship which is not

[00:06:32] letting you breathe.

[00:06:34] You have to better understand that.

[00:06:36] My dear lovely people, don't get disheartened if you're going

[00:06:39] through all this.

[00:06:40] I tell you, Hina is there to help you out.

[00:06:43] Feel free to connect with me.

[00:06:45] You can follow me on my Instagram, Ambareen Hina.

[00:06:48] You can DM me as well.

[00:06:50] I've given my WhatsApp number there.

[00:06:52] My team is going to connect with you.

[00:06:54] They are going to connect with you as well.

[00:06:56] They are going to help you to connect with me directly.

[00:06:59] So feel free.

[00:07:01] Here I am to help you out.

[00:07:02] That's my mission.

[00:07:03] That's my purpose which I have been telling you.

[00:07:05] I'm so grateful to the creator.

[00:07:07] So many people are connecting only through this podcast.

[00:07:10] I'm there helping them out, taking sessions.

[00:07:13] And that's a beautiful blessing.

[00:07:15] I can see the changes happening in their life.

[00:07:17] That's by all the mercy of the creator.

[00:07:20] Thank you so much.

[00:07:21] And I tell you, do not fear for anything.

[00:07:24] Believe in yourself.

[00:07:26] You are simply awesome.

[00:07:27] You are simply the best.

[00:07:28] Keep smiling.

[00:07:29] Keep smiling and hope the best is happening in your life.

[00:07:32] Whatever the torments, whatever the troubles you're seeing,

[00:07:36] the best is happening in your life.

[00:07:38] Till then, take care, see you, ta ta and bye bye.