Heart to Heart: Team Talk

[00:00:00] Hello and welcome to an in-house Heart to Heart. Our episode today is a role reversal with

[00:00:07] Anuradha Gupta, founder CEO of Vazfa Eternity, answering the questions instead of asking them.

[00:00:13] I'm Rachna and joining me today is Anu to talk about how modern matchmaking really works.

[00:00:18] Partnership, companionship and love have to come together when we look to marry.

[00:00:23] And Anu's here to share how she has seen all of this unfold as lead matchmaker

[00:00:28] over the last decade. So welcome once again to a behind the scenes look at how Vazfa Eternity takes

[00:00:35] and the thoughts behind how we actually bring people together.

[00:00:39] So Anu, my first question to you is, is having a perfect partner, a myth? And

[00:00:45] you know, why do so many people choose commitment if it were to be a myth?

[00:00:51] Rachna, I love this question. You know, it's, I think commitment

[00:00:55] to us as human beings, I think it really stems from the fact that it's a need. It's a,

[00:01:00] it's like, you know, having your own person being with somebody who has your back,

[00:01:05] somebody who's yours. It's, it's a place you come back to. That's what home is. And home is

[00:01:11] not the walls. It is the person with whom you set up your home. I always feel you can be in

[00:01:17] the best place in the world. And if you're by yourself, it means very little.

[00:01:21] Really wonder about that many times, the introspection and understanding who we really are as people.

[00:01:28] Why do we demand certain things in a relationship or off people to meet a certain standard at every

[00:01:34] point? You know, and I think it's that demand for perfection and demand for a certain standard

[00:01:39] and a certain need of your own to be met, but for another person to meet it all that time,

[00:01:44] you know, there's so much pressure in a relationship. And I think if we didn't look

[00:01:49] for that perfection, I think we'd be far more satisfied with the relationships we have. I mean,

[00:01:54] you know, I think if you think of yourself as a parent or you think of yourself as a child to your

[00:01:59] own parents, even those relationships are never perfect. So if you're actually looking at

[00:02:05] you don't look to find a perfect relationship with your child ever, whether it is as a child

[00:02:10] yourself or as a parent, you accept it for what it is and you actually value it even more.

[00:02:14] So why is it that when it comes to that attraction, that sense of belonging that you seek

[00:02:23] from another person that you actually seek that even more it's it's human. And yet as a concept,

[00:02:32] it feels slightly flawed. And it is I think very flawed because it takes away a lot of you

[00:02:36] like you rightly said there's no relationship, no real relationship that is naturally,

[00:02:43] you know, 10 on 10. And and we once we take that pressure off ourselves and off each other,

[00:02:51] it makes for a much more fulfilling relationship because then we focus on what we have. You can

[00:02:57] always say the glass glass is half empty. When you focus on the fact that the glass is half full,

[00:03:03] that's when you look at things that you know from a different lens. And that's the beauty.

[00:03:09] I agree. And you know, in terms of even connecting people if I were to think about myself, you know,

[00:03:15] I never thought that I would leave India and live away from India. It was always

[00:03:22] my perfect partner. I never thought that it would leave me someday or I would leave it.

[00:03:28] And yet, you know, when I found somebody, I never thought of it as, you know, that

[00:03:33] perfection was gone in that moment because I was ready to leave what was my perfect partner was

[00:03:39] my country and I was ready to leave it to be with somebody else. Because I met my own partner in an

[00:03:46] organic way, and it was never something that you know, it wasn't an arranged marriage,

[00:03:49] or even that was something that was always considered might happen. But it, you know,

[00:03:53] it didn't for whatever reason, I met my husband. And we left the country. People do find it far

[00:04:00] easier to connect obviously when a geography is similar. But my perfect partner was away.

[00:04:06] He lived in a different country and I chose to leave my own to be with him.

[00:04:11] How do you feel, you know, in terms of connecting people across geographies?

[00:04:16] The focus for me really is trying to connect two people who are the best suited for each other.

[00:04:21] So, you know, at Vau's fraternity, when people get in touch with us, they're not

[00:04:26] looking at the dating game, right? They've been there, they've done that. They are looking

[00:04:30] at the next step in their life of being in a long-term committed relationship and marriage

[00:04:36] at that stage of their life. And I think while the best thing perhaps would be that, you know,

[00:04:43] we meet somebody who's in the same city or in the same neighborhood and it's

[00:04:47] absolutely, you're absolutely right. I mean, you know, it's very easy to just meet very often,

[00:04:53] you are in the same geographical vicinity. But is that the best person in an arranged

[00:04:59] set? Is that the best person for you? It could well be. And at, you know, at Vau's fraternity,

[00:05:05] we do connect people geographically in similar geographies as well. But equally, it could well

[00:05:09] be that the right person for you is across the globe somewhere else. We have members in 65

[00:05:14] countries and it works. I think it's always worked very well because the mindset has been,

[00:05:20] I want the best person for me. You know, just think about it, education.

[00:05:24] How many of us really go for have gone for college, business school, whatever we have done,

[00:05:32] keeping the geography in mind, hey, I live in a city. I want to only be in a city. As Indians,

[00:05:39] we are very adventurous. We really want the best for ourselves, whether it's education or career.

[00:05:49] And we really go for that. And we're not scared as people, I think, you know, culturally,

[00:05:54] we are not scared to go into new uncharted land. So if we do that for something like education

[00:06:02] or career, which could be one job today and the next another day, why would we restrict

[00:06:09] it to a partner, which is for life? It really is about focusing on the best person for you.

[00:06:16] And once two people, you know, once we connect two people very quickly, people, you know, speak

[00:06:23] on the phone, they go to FaceTime, they get on the plane either one goes to the other place,

[00:06:27] or they meet sometimes, you know, in a central meeting point. And you know, very quickly,

[00:06:34] whether this works for you, it's not working. In case you want to take it further,

[00:06:38] these are not arranged marriages. These are, it normally takes about 10 to 18 months for

[00:06:44] two people to get to know each other. And I think it's never been an issue, but you have to be open

[00:06:49] to seeing what is out there who is out there for you and not closing off those possibilities.

[00:06:56] You know, that's that's when the magic happens.

[00:06:59] I don't you feel that, you know, people come and tell you and obviously, you know, so many

[00:07:03] of our members give us feedback on what works for them and what doesn't work for them in a

[00:07:08] relationship, or you know, especially when they meet for the first time. Are there red flags that

[00:07:15] you feel that you want to give out as pointers? Or do you feel that they should come back to you

[00:07:20] as feedback? I think the first meeting is too early to really have any red flags. I always

[00:07:29] very strongly recommend having at least two conversations, two meetings, two whatever it is

[00:07:36] before we start talking about red flags. You know, first time when two people are meeting, there's a

[00:07:41] lot of, you know, people can be tentative, they can be some nervousness, the total strangers, right?

[00:07:49] It takes a couple of meetings for two people to warm up to each other to be a little bit more

[00:07:54] comfortable with each other. And I think just having one meeting and say some people who are

[00:07:59] more introverted, there's some people who are shyer than somebody else, and they may not,

[00:08:03] you may not even get to know or get a sense of what the person is as a real person. It's too

[00:08:11] soon for them. They don't warm up in the first meeting. But we've had countless marriages

[00:08:16] over the years where people have met for the first time and they have come back saying,

[00:08:20] we don't want to have a second meeting. And I've always said, hold on to that thought,

[00:08:25] meet the person one more time with a very open mind because otherwise there's no point.

[00:08:30] If you've already 100% made up your mind, then that's just a formality. But hold on,

[00:08:36] have a second meeting and we've had countless occasions and people have done that and they've

[00:08:41] gone on to meet many, many times again or even get married. Red flags do certainly come in.

[00:08:50] A few meetings down the line and I always say never ignore a red flag. If you feel

[00:08:55] something is a red flag, it must be a red flag, but not too soon. So we've also had instances where

[00:09:03] members have in the past had a failed marriage and they've come out of it and one of the early

[00:09:09] conversations that I had with them and why did they pick up on any red flags before they got

[00:09:15] married? And they normally come back and say very early on, they knew they were red flags,

[00:09:20] but they chose to ignore it. So I always say never ignore red flags. But it's funny

[00:09:25] every time we have meetings and at Vows for Eternity, so often we insist on personally

[00:09:30] meeting people before they come on board because what you say over the phone and discuss in some

[00:09:36] sense sometimes gets lost and it feels like a lot of information not just about the membership in

[00:09:41] itself but about how it proceeds, what the process would be. So a meeting in person in

[00:09:47] some time is so valuable and you get to know the person that as a Vows for Eternity team

[00:09:53] member you actually get to know the person a little bit better, you feel quite strongly

[00:09:58] whether they'll be a good fit and whether they're open and in that mind space to meet new people.

[00:10:04] Because as humans, you'll always have phases, I'm so busy this week, my work is so important

[00:10:10] this week, this week I don't have time to give this particular part of my life attention,

[00:10:14] I'll deal with it next week or next month. And I really feel that when I meet somebody,

[00:10:20] I can sense whether this is something they are pushing themselves into or are truly ready for.

[00:10:27] Do you feel that and do you feel that there's a judgment call you make when you meet somebody

[00:10:30] that actually give it a little bit of time, you're not in the right space because you're

[00:10:34] too busy with other things at the moment? You know, Rajna, I think this is a question that

[00:10:38] you can really answer better than me because I generally come into the picture when somebody

[00:10:43] is already a member and I'm more sort of behind the scenes in terms of matchmaking

[00:10:47] but I think as a company, we've been doing this, both you and me have been doing this for many,

[00:10:53] many years now we've been here for over a decade. And I think we really do all that we can to make

[00:11:00] sure that people who sign up with us are in that space and I think absolutely that's perhaps one

[00:11:09] of the many reasons that we don't work with biodeaters. I think it's, you know,

[00:11:13] biodeater has a photograph, it tells me how you look, it doesn't tell me your personality and a lot

[00:11:19] of us actually aren't photogenic unfortunately. And then you meet the person and you're like wow,

[00:11:25] I mean, you know, your photographs don't do justice to you. There's also in a biodeater

[00:11:31] format, it's very much interest is this hobbies is this is my education. I mean, it's not a work

[00:11:38] application. You know, and interest and hobbies are great when you're 12 and 13 and 15 and

[00:11:43] everybody loves music and traveling and all of that. But those things don't sustain a marriage,

[00:11:48] but when we meet somebody and I know how involved our process is, I mean, these are conversations

[00:11:54] that we have run into, you know, over an hour for the first conversation. So that's when we

[00:11:59] really get a sense of a glimpse of who the person is. So I mean, I think that's, that's

[00:12:04] really, really important and that's something we've always focused on getting to understand what

[00:12:09] somebody is like. And in that meeting, we also get a sense of, you know, when somebody's doing it

[00:12:16] for themselves because they are ready or the other thing which I find is really,

[00:12:21] really important sometimes, you know, I'm asked this question, do you do this for the boys too?

[00:12:25] And I can never understand that. I mean, should the rules be different? I mean,

[00:12:29] you know, they both are looking to get married. And certainly the rules are the

[00:12:33] same. We meet the girls, we want to know that they want to do it because they really

[00:12:37] want to do it equally. The boys must be in it for the same reasons because otherwise not only are

[00:12:42] they wasting, you know, each other's time, but it's also not fair on the girl that they're meeting.

[00:12:48] They have to be in it. They have to want it. Absolutely. I really do believe that, you know,

[00:12:54] you have to be committed to the process. It brings so much fruit to your search if

[00:13:00] you feel committed to the process because if you keep, you know, buying in and stepping out

[00:13:08] of the process in shorter spurts, it's really difficult to see it go through. And I really do

[00:13:18] hope that, you know, someone listening today understands that, you know, commit yourself

[00:13:21] to the process. It may not work for you. But if you want to give yourself the best chance

[00:13:26] of seeing this come through, put in your all because it's worth it.

[00:13:32] You know, I mean, I have to second that and also, you know, I have to say that I,

[00:13:36] like you said, sometimes it doesn't work for someone. But the one thing which is,

[00:13:41] fortunately, I think very blessed, have always heard from members even when it hasn't worked

[00:13:47] out the fact that it has made them understand things about themselves that they hadn't

[00:13:54] thought about. So it is a process of self discovery as well. You know, it is a process

[00:14:00] of introspection. It's a process of figuring out for yourself what is

[00:14:07] integral to you, what are the values that you really connect with that resonate with you.

[00:14:12] Also, what is your superficial and fundamentals? What is that difference for you? What are

[00:14:18] the things which are non-negotiable when it comes to you? I think these are a lot of

[00:14:21] these things people don't sometimes we don't think about, right? Because we don't look

[00:14:26] involved. We're really looking outward to see what does this bio data bring? What does this

[00:14:30] person bring to the table? We have to tie it up to what are we looking for? And that's when

[00:14:35] it really comes together. Right. And you know, when we are looking for somebody, this is

[00:14:40] something that sort of age old parents, uncles, aunts will always say, you know,

[00:14:46] you must compromise. And it almost has such a negative connotation, that word, you know,

[00:14:53] you're looking for something, but if you don't find it, it's a compromise. Is it really,

[00:14:59] you know, I think I do feel the word compromise even for me sounds a little bit negative.

[00:15:06] Would I want to get into a relationship feeling I am getting into this because I have

[00:15:11] compromised or because I need to want to have to compromise? I don't think so. I think

[00:15:18] it's about adjusting both sides, both people. There are some adjustments we make

[00:15:28] when somebody new comes into our life. And that is beautiful because if I we all do

[00:15:35] certain things, certain our own ways. And sometimes we have a lot of members who are older,

[00:15:41] you know, we get set in our ways over a period of time. We are so and a lot of us have been,

[00:15:45] I got married late too. And I was so used to living life in my own way, getting up and

[00:15:52] taking off picking my bag and going to peasing off the world whenever I just felt like I wanted

[00:15:57] to. There are so many things we get used to on our own. And then you find somebody you,

[00:16:02] you know, you share a home. And there are some changes you make your sharing a space

[00:16:08] with somebody you know, there are there is a sense of somebody wanting to know where you're

[00:16:13] going what's happening. Nobody's checking in on you. It's love. And I think there is a

[00:16:19] not compromise, but we should adjust I feel because that is our way of

[00:16:25] including somebody into our life and somebody else including us in their life. I think it's

[00:16:30] inclusion. And that should happen in a marriage if it's going to be two people

[00:16:35] leaving very independent lives without making any changes, then why marriage? And do you feel that

[00:16:43] this is something that you know, Anand then you are able to balance together because I mean,

[00:16:47] I always struggle with it every day is a different balance. And sometimes I have to tell

[00:16:51] myself that you know what is this something that's really so important to me that I have to

[00:16:57] argue about it or have a different perspective. Today your perspective is absolutely fine.

[00:17:02] And you know, I may not have agreed with it and may not have been my first choice.

[00:17:06] But it's absolutely fine. You know, I'm in the middle of making a home and making a new

[00:17:12] home for the family. And everybody was a dreaded thing for me. You know,

[00:17:16] everybody had always warned me. Oh my God, it's a true test of your marriage to build a home

[00:17:21] together because you'll always have so many different opinions and you'll have so many

[00:17:25] different ideas on how you want to bring this together. And then someone who's actually

[00:17:29] a really good friend of mine and she's a doctor who has a very, very busy life. So you know,

[00:17:34] she's a surgeon and everything else falls apart when you think of her existence because it's

[00:17:38] a matter of life and death every time she's doing something from her work perspective. And

[00:17:42] she gave me this beautiful piece of advice, which was, you know what one of you be the

[00:17:48] person that does the research. And the other person is the person who picks from that

[00:17:55] research. So you if you've done the research, go and say, you know, honey, pick from these three.

[00:18:02] And they're your three best options. So you can actually never go wrong.

[00:18:06] And it's an absolutely invaluable piece of advice. I'm coming to the end of a project and

[00:18:12] I actually feel it hasn't been so bad. We haven't actually pulled each other's eyes out

[00:18:18] through this process because at the end of the day, the goal is the same. You want what's

[00:18:24] best for your family. You want a family home and finding that balance in a relationship

[00:18:31] as difficult as it might seem on a daily basis is actually doable if you really want to because

[00:18:38] your values and your end result is the same, you know, and to find that balance for a lot of

[00:18:46] people is very, very hard. But it takes time and it takes that little bit of thinking before you speak.

[00:18:56] Don't just say no, think about it for two seconds more than half the time,

[00:19:02] you won't find a reason to say no, because it's not such a big deal.

[00:19:06] Oh, this is this is this is fantastic piece of advice. I mean, you know,

[00:19:10] you need to thank your friend from, you know, on my behalf too. That's,

[00:19:13] you know, that really is true. I mean, and it's I think, you know, any two people will have

[00:19:20] marriage or no marriage is always differing opinions. And but ultimately, like you said,

[00:19:26] as long as the goal is the same, two people want the best for their family. As long as that,

[00:19:33] you know, and that's always the same. I think there are very many ways one can get

[00:19:36] somewhere. But I think it's understanding that so on and then me, you know, we are,

[00:19:40] you know, in a lot of ways day to day life, you're very different people are likes and dislikes can

[00:19:45] be very different. And so can some of our habits be, you know, he's totally non vegetarian,

[00:19:49] I'm totally vegetarian. He's in a lot of ways we're very different. But I think

[00:19:55] in the things that matter, we are very similar. We did have conversations last year

[00:20:01] about our kids between, you know, they go to public school, should they go to private

[00:20:07] school? And I was very much for private school and I was very much for public schools. And

[00:20:11] we spoke about it. And I think when you when you give each other the respect to talk about

[00:20:19] things and to hear the other person's viewpoint, I heard his and he heard mine and we

[00:20:27] and what he said made so much sense to me. And I said, sure. And I said, you know,

[00:20:32] it's not a, you know, it's not a competition. His viewpoint and his thoughts made me

[00:20:41] think a second time. And I agreed with him. And I said, yeah, I think, I think you're right.

[00:20:46] And I think it's about creating a space for yourselves where you allow it's a space which

[00:20:54] gives both people the freedom to be able to express to communicate what they are thinking.

[00:21:01] And not, you know, without there being this massive war that's happening at home. Because

[00:21:07] otherwise one of the two people over a period of time don't want to share their thoughts anymore.

[00:21:13] They shut down because nobody wants a war at home all the time. I think that creating that

[00:21:17] environment which is, which is, you know, which is open to conversation. That's really

[00:21:23] important. And then going from there. So I totally agree with you. I think it's very

[00:21:27] important to create that. And for something to just, they're not that important in some things

[00:21:31] which they, which are you make a decision collectively. I it's never been a big deal

[00:21:36] for for us. And I think we've, you know, there's nothing that has seemed like, hey,

[00:21:41] I don't think we can get over it. They can good days or bad days. But as long as your good

[00:21:45] day is outweigh the bad days, it's all wonderful. Absolutely. And you know,

[00:21:50] the one thing I'd like to say is that so much of our team, you know, that we work with

[00:21:54] at vows for eternity, thinks in this fashion, we want people to come together

[00:22:00] for all of these valuable reasons. And it's something we feel very strongly about when we

[00:22:05] advise people who decide whether they want to be a part of the service or not. But a lot of our

[00:22:10] team will discuss these intricate details, you know, and take you to that next level of

[00:22:15] whether this is right for you. Or it's, you know, better at a different time. And that's

[00:22:21] something that's really important. Do you feel that, you know, over the years and you've

[00:22:26] been in this business for a decade, there have been key changes to what is a very traditional

[00:22:32] method of matchmaking? You know, what is it that there are so many things that we bring to the

[00:22:37] table that are different? But do you actually feel that we add value in a very different way

[00:22:43] to what is traditional? I think we add immense value to it because at the heart of it,

[00:22:51] you know, we've tried to, if you're offline, we are confidential and we are bespoke. But

[00:22:57] what we have tried to do is we've tried to keep the heart the same in terms of connecting to

[00:23:02] people, you know, because marriage is about two people, it's about your, you know,

[00:23:07] two families, it's about the ecosystem that you grew up in. So if you look at it traditionally,

[00:23:13] people were geographically very close to each other. They lived in the same sort of

[00:23:19] geography all their lives or even sometimes with generations of people knew each other. Now when

[00:23:25] this movement started happening, geographically, people started relocating to other parts

[00:23:31] of the country or internationally, then they were put in areas where they didn't know each

[00:23:36] other, they didn't know anybody else. And that is really, so you know, you have,

[00:23:41] some platforms which do wonderful work in terms of online space, but that's a totally different,

[00:23:47] that's away from the traditional way of connecting. So we've really taken the,

[00:23:51] we've kept the heart intact in terms of connecting people together. But what we've added

[00:23:57] to that is we have a global team who bring very different experiences. We have just

[00:24:04] created a bridge between the East and the West in terms of thought processes because the world

[00:24:09] today is a very small place. All our members have traveled internationally, got the exposure,

[00:24:16] studied overseas. So there is a widening of one's thought process, one's horizon. And that sometimes,

[00:24:27] you know, it brings changes. It changes the way you think about certain things.

[00:24:31] And in some instances, it enhances the generation gap between parents and kids.

[00:24:36] And I think we fit in beautifully at the heart of all of that, bringing all these things together.

[00:24:43] So I think we're very good at that. And I feel very blessed that people trust us with that.

[00:24:48] And yeah, it's a very intrinsic part of your life to trust somebody with, you know,

[00:24:52] and when you're sitting and talking to somebody who's really looking to find partnership and

[00:24:56] looking to find love, and you're having that very first conversation with them

[00:25:01] as a member of the team, you feel immense gratitude that someone chose you to share

[00:25:06] such a strong part of their life to share their trouble, to share their thought as to

[00:25:12] why they're in that place where they're in this search, things that have worked for them,

[00:25:16] things that have not worked for them. And all of that is something we use to

[00:25:23] fit you in with the best possible, you know, whether you call it profile or whether you

[00:25:29] call it just that person, you know, where you want to offer the best possible fit by

[00:25:37] selecting from within the database somebody that should fill that void.

[00:25:43] Absolutely. You know, I have to say also one more thing that I'd like to add to this is also,

[00:25:47] you know, if you really think about it, when people come to us, you know, we do have

[00:25:52] strict eligibility criteria and people expect a certain quality when they come to us. And

[00:25:57] that's why perhaps over the years, I mean, we've said no to almost 40% of people who do

[00:26:03] just because people who are members, there is a certain,

[00:26:08] there is a certain expectation from us. And I think that is, that is why we've

[00:26:13] over the years, we've ended up with this member base of people who are

[00:26:22] in sync with each other as well, right? Because there is a certain expectation.

[00:26:25] And I think we've never fallen short of that. And towards that is also very important.

[00:26:30] That's right. And, you know, the last thing I want to ask you is like over COVID, all of us

[00:26:37] went on to various OTT platforms watching various shows. One of them, of course, was Indian

[00:26:42] matchmaking, which, you know, both East and West people consumed and were amazed by were,

[00:26:49] you know, had very different feelings and strong feelings about how they felt about the show.

[00:26:54] And in terms of the perception of matchmaking, at least in our world at Bowis for Eternity,

[00:27:01] how do you think that our members have felt and equally how people coming on board have

[00:27:07] understood matchmaking in our world? I have to say that I want to take this question on a more

[00:27:13] personal note. I have to say that I was, I did watch a few of those, you know, episodes,

[00:27:20] and I was quite horrified. I almost felt, I couldn't, I almost felt that does this represent

[00:27:29] India? And the, you know, it seemed like almost it's the dark ages some way. I mean,

[00:27:33] look at where we are today. Look at how competent, how many strides forward we've taken as women.

[00:27:43] I did find it a little bit regressive, if I'm really honest. I think it's about,

[00:27:49] marriage is about two people coming together to, it's a partnership. It's an equal partnership.

[00:27:56] But if I have to pretend to be what I'm not, if I have to, if I have to apologetic for all the

[00:28:04] work I've put in, whether it's with my education or my career or the fact that I may be driven,

[00:28:10] if I have to downplay that, if I have to be apologetic about where I'm at,

[00:28:14] just so that I can create something, you know, with somebody. I personally really struggle with

[00:28:23] that. Why should I be doing that? And why should I be expected to do that? And why should only

[00:28:28] the woman be expected to do that? And I think it's, you know, I have very, very strong opinions

[00:28:33] on that. And I don't know whether Netflix is hearing this. But, you know, guys,

[00:28:38] we have moved on. This is 2022, you know, it is a lot has changed. And I think we really need to

[00:28:47] value that and we need to, we need to really sort of, you know, and this is, I have friends in the

[00:28:51] West who've seen the show and they actually asked me, this is Anu, is this, is this true? And I

[00:28:56] said, no, it's not at least not for our members. You know, I always tell people, be who you

[00:29:02] are and accept each other for what you bring to the table. And that is equal partnership.

[00:29:07] You know, one thing I feel very strongly about that show was it brought judgment. And one thing

[00:29:14] that vows for eternity prides itself on is removing judgment from an introduction. When we

[00:29:23] introduce two people, the choices they make and why they choose to either be together,

[00:29:29] take the conversation forward, choose not to be together. They may have forms of judgment.

[00:29:36] But as someone who's part of a matchmaking service, the one thing I need to remove from this

[00:29:44] is judgment. I need to take that away and not say, oh, she has too many needs or he is too fussy.

[00:29:53] If I bring that to the table, it is the most unhelpful way of bringing people together.

[00:30:01] In the world of two people getting together in that cocoon, there is enough judgment out there

[00:30:07] already as a third party who's trying to make this happen. If I bring my judgment to the table

[00:30:13] on this is not all right with him, he has these qualities, she has these qualities. And

[00:30:20] I think they're not good or I think they are amazing. Nobody else meets up to them. If I bring

[00:30:27] that judgment to the table, I have already failed. And I think Indian matchmaking did that. It brought

[00:30:33] too much judgment as a matchmaker into what should be a very private call for somebody.

[00:30:41] I couldn't agree more. I think you really hit the nail on the head. And I think it was

[00:30:45] about, for me it was like I said, it was very much about some places it almost felt like

[00:30:52] it didn't seem like a partnership. It's almost like this is an MNA happening and somebody

[00:30:59] is the stronger party and somebody is the weak one and you have to fall in line. That's the

[00:31:02] sense I always constantly got that two people can be equally well educated, equally successful,

[00:31:08] but there was no place for equal success, equal drive, equal, it wasn't that. And

[00:31:19] that is how I felt. And I think that is like I said earlier, it doesn't feel right.

[00:31:27] So Anu tell me why do you think someone should come to us at Bows for Eternity?

[00:31:33] I think, you know, you have to feel that you are ready to be in that space. And if you are in

[00:31:44] that space, it really is about talking to one of us and seeing do we fit? Does it seem like the

[00:31:55] right fit? I think the most important decisions in life should be done if they feel right.

[00:32:03] If it feels right, I always say follow your heart. If it feels right, it is right. If it

[00:32:08] doesn't feel right that no matter who is asking you to sign up, no matter what else, don't do it.

[00:32:14] So I think people should come to us to explore this avenue, to explore that we are really

[00:32:21] one more avenue in terms of increasing the, you know, you're connecting you with somebody

[00:32:29] else. That's really what we are. While we may not be friends, it's almost like being a colleague

[00:32:35] and a quintess. Somebody out there by virtue of what we do, we have this global network.

[00:32:41] And if that isn't, you know, and if the very many things that we stand for, we do, I don't think

[00:32:46] we've ever stood on the fence. We've always taken a stand one way or the other right over

[00:32:51] the years. I remember a few years ago internally within the team, we were very,

[00:32:56] you know, there was a very strong opinion that we should, we have a hundred question questionnaire,

[00:33:01] but the fact that we should take away the question on complexion in terms of how we are defined

[00:33:08] away from that form. And we did that. So I think it's about understanding, getting a glimpse of

[00:33:16] what do we stand for? And if that is what you feel strongly about, then come to us otherwise

[00:33:23] we're not the right people. And that's fine too. Super. Thank you so much for your time, Anu. It was

[00:33:28] an absolutely fantastic conversation. Thank you, Rajna. It's been wonderful. And before we sign

[00:33:33] off, you know, I would like to sort of say this to whoever's listening, that guys, may your journeys

[00:33:40] be extraordinary wherever they take you.