Stages of Grief

00:00:11 Speaker 1: Hey Everyone. Welcome to Grief Untangled, untangling the threads of grief, healing and hope. This is Coach DD here. And in this podcast, I'm going to talk about the different stages of Grief. let's get in 00:00:22 Speaker 1: Before we go and talk about the stages of grief. It is important for us to understand that grief is a very individualized and a unique experience. No two people grief in the same way and there is no right or wrong way of grief 00:00:35 Speaker 1: There are different models of grief that are popularized, some of which are more popular than others. Let's talk about a few of the models. The first model is from John BOWLBY. He talks about grief which is triggered by the loss of attachment figures. There are four stages in his model of grief. They are number one, shock and numbness, number two, yearning and searching, Number three, disorganization and despair. Number four reorganization. 00:01:01 Speaker 1: The second model that is also quite popular is from William Warden. And he talks about the four tasks of Grief and they are - number one to accept the reality of the loss. Number two, to work through the pain of the Grief. Number three, to adjust to the environment without the deceased. And number four to emotionally relocate the deceased and move on with the life. 00:01:24 Speaker 1: The next model which is quite popular is from Elizabeth Kubler Ross. My mentor David Kessler had an opportunity to co- author two books along with her. She talks about five different stages and they are number one denial. Number two, anger, number three, bargaining, number four, depression and number five acceptance. Let's have a look at it individually. The first stage which she talks about is the denials. Often after the loss, it comes as a disbelief or a numbness. 00:01:51 Speaker 1: The loss is sometimes so tragic and so sudden and traumatic, maybe that it becomes quite challenging to accept the reality of the loss. It comes as a shock and the default response to this is either a numbness or a denial. The second stage which she talks about is the anger stage. Now, after the reality of the loss sinks in this stage comes as an anger and a frustration. Sometimes it is directed towards ourselves, it is also towards others or even towards the deceased that why that person left us all alone in this world. And also sometimes we have an anger towards the ultimate reality, the universe, the God also. So the anger comes in a different form and it is also directed to different people, people, universe or even the deceased. 00:02:41 Speaker 1: The next stage is the bargaining stage. The bargaining stage. What happens is basically we try to negotiate with the higher power of the universe to undo the loss. It is a stage of what- ifs, regrets and if only what if we would have taken action earlier, what if we would have reached the hospital? What if I was there and I was able to actually take care of the situation and maybe that person would have still been alive. So these are all the different kind of emotions that you feel during this stage. 00:03:12 Speaker 1: The next stage that Elizabeth talks about is a stage called as depression. It is a stage where you feel deep sadness, a feeling of emptiness, isolation and hopelessness. And this is a feeling that stays along with you for a long time and you just don't feel like motivated or doing anything else. You know, you lose your interest in everything that, that you want to do or that you are doing. 00:03:39 Speaker 1: This stage can feel like you have fallen in a bottomless pit and there is no way coming out of it. The next stage that she talks about is the acceptance stage. The acceptance stage is, does not mean basically moving on but, but basically coming to terms with the reality of the loss, you start to understand or you start to get how to live with this grief. And that's where it is called as Acceptance. 00:04:06 Speaker 1: Continuing the work of Elizabeth Kubler Ross. There is 6 stage that has been lately introduced by David Kessler, which is called as meaning. Meaning is not in the loss itself, but meaning comes through finding a way to sustain love for the person after their death while moving forward in life. So meaning is not in the loss, but the meaning is for you who is a survivor. 00:04:29 Speaker 1: Finally, I would like to emphasize that grief is a very complex emotional journey. And you may find yourself moving back and forth between these stages. One day you might be feeling in a stage of denial and then another day you might be having, you might be going through a depression. It could also be like in a day itself that you roll on through all these five stages from denial to anger, to bargaining, depression, to acceptance. 00:04:56 Speaker 1: So if you or someone you know, is going through grief, seek support from friends family or maybe a grief counselor, there's no shame in seeking help during this challenging time. Thank you for joining me in this episode. And I will come back with a new topic in the next episode, hoping to untangle the journey of grief together with you.